I believe it was Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers franchise who
very brilliantly and eloquently spoke these beautiful thoughtful words which comprise one of the most emotionally moving sayings in the history of the English
Language!!!! And that includes Anglo Saxon!!!! These words I speak
of?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Get ready for them, because here they come!!!!!!....
"I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back
baby back baby back. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back
baby back baby back...." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Chili's baby!!!!!! When
it comes to restaurants I like to eat at and review for this blog, I like to go
with the non-corporate, neighborhood places!!!!! Sometimes I go corporate or
fast food, but not usually!!!!! Recently however, somebody gave my wife a gift
card to Chili's as a "Thank You" for her work as a teacher, so it
seemed as though fate was speaking to us and pointing us towards the fine corporate
eatery known as Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!!! And not to give too much of my
findings away about my experience at Chili's but, Fate, I love you and thank
you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!! At least this time I thank you!!!!!!!
Sometimes we have a rough go of things and I consider you to be my bitch
lover!!!!!! But this time, Fate, you were good to me!!!!!
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Anywho, my wife hates Chili's so in a rare form of generosity on
her part, she handed me her Chili's gift card along with two words, "have
fun!" Huuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I
love my wife!!!! Just as long as she doesn't divorce me, which she probably
will!!!!!!! So, a Sunday or two ago, the Mrs. wasn't home and I was totally
bored and it was so g-damn hot out!!!! With that, I looked into my wallet, saw
the Chili's card and thought to myself, "Well, I've got my Sunday
planned!!!!!!" YESSSSS!!!!!!
In my early twenties, when I was right out of college, me and a
couple of buddies would meet at Chili's Grill & Bar about once a week to
drink beer and watch sports!!!! I always remembered the food being tasty and
the memories positive, but it had been quite awhile since I had walked through
the doors of a Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!! One of the habits that I have
formed as I've gotten a little older is that when I get bored, I drink!!!!! Day
drinking is actually pretty fun!!!! I used to force myself to wait until dinner
time to begin imbibing!!! But when in a really bad marriage and bored off your
ass on a weekend day, getting sloppy and overeating is a perfect way to spend a
day and cope with the difficulties of life!!!!! That's truth!!!!
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
When I walked in to Chili's I took a seat at the bar and unfolded
the menu sitting on the counter top!!!! One of the first things you'll notice
when you walk in to the bar is that Chili's prides themselves on their margarita's!!!!! I'm more of a beer and wine guy, but hey, I can do an ice-cold margarita on a hot and humid day!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! So when the bartender
approached me and asked me if I wanted a margarita, my response: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
yeah!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Needless to say, I
started off my time at Chili's with a margarita!!! Like I said, I'm not a huge margarita drinker, but this margarita was ice-cold, full of flavor and wasted
no time in getting me where I wanted to be that afternoon!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! After I had
gotten the juices flowing so to speak with my margarita, I saw that they had
Samuel Adams Summer Ale of tap!!!!! There is quite possibly no better beer to
drink in the midst of 90 degrees and humidity in the middle of July than a
Samuel Adams Summer Ale!!!!! So crisp, refreshing, and thirst quenching they
could serve that malted hops beverage to guys who are in the middle of running the Boston Marathon
and likely get exactly zero complaints!!!!!!! I'd absolutely bet on that!!!!! By the time I had polished off my margarita and two pints of Samuel, I was
a little drowsy, if you know what I mean!!!! It was time soak up that alcohol
with some snacks and satisfy the hunger the booze was bringing about!!!! One of
the great things about the happy hour at Chili's is that they give you free chips and salsa!!!!! And, these are good chips and salsa and they come in a huge
basket!!!!! The chips are fresh, crunchy, and oily while the salsa is of a high
quality!!!!!!! I had them bring me out a plate of chips and salsa and they were
nothing short of brilliant and life altering!!!!
As my appetite increased even more after eating the chips and salsa, I
looked into the eyes of the bartender and ordered a Mushroom-Swiss Burger as
well as a Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger!!! As I was ordering, the bartender began
setting two places for food as though I was ordering for somebody meeting me at the bar later, but no!!!!! I had
him remove the extra set of silver ware and napkins and communicated to him
that both of these burgers will be for a party of one!!!!! Upon hearing that both burgers
were for me, he slowly nodded his head and said, “OK. That’s impressive.” And then a few minutes later... out they came!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
First, I tackled the Mushroom-Swiss Burger!!!! This was a very
good burger!!! The combination of the juicy beef with the Swiss cheese and sautéed
shitake mushrooms was mind blowing!!!!! Remember that Maxell tape add in the 80’s
when the guy is sitting in his living room chair listening to music off of a
Maxell tape and his shades are on and his hair is blowing
back?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That was me eating this burger!!!!! I was blown away!!!!
It was so flavorful and impressive!!!!!! A beautiful beautiful burger!!!! Next,
I went for the Shiner Bock Barbeque burger!!!! This too was an amazing
burger!!!!! It had on it cheddar cheese, onion strings, and savory sweet Shiner
Bock BBQ!!!! Also, there is something about eating food associated with Texas themed beer in horrid humidity that adds to this eating experience!!!! Again, wonderfully seasoned beef and flavor
combinations on the Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger that make for a truly delightful eating moment!!!! Also, the
fries at Chili’s are wonderful!!!! I love their fries!!!!! Whatever seasoning
they sprinkle on to them makes for one of the best fried potato experiences in
the history of corporate restaurant America!!!!! You can print that in the
papers!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After all the
saltiness of my meal, I needed something sweet!!!! I looked at the back part of
the menu and saw that they had chocolate milkshakes for $3.99!!!! It seemed
like a perfect way to cap off my time at Chili’s!!!! However, I’ve gotta say
that the chocolate milkshakes at Chili’s are wildly disappointing. The shake
lacked a strong chocolaty flavor and was overly runny, like I was drinking a
bland glass of chocolate milk. Honestly, I could’ve made a better chocolate
shake at home, and for much cheaper. In the future, I will skip the chocolate
shake from Chili’s. But other than that, Chili’s Bar & Grill was
fantastic!!!!! I would wholeheartedly recommend Chili’s for their burgers,
fries, margaritas, and happy hour!!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!! I love
Chili’s and will be back very soon!!!! No doubt!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!!