I believe it was Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers franchise who very brilliantly and eloquently spoke these beautiful thoughtful words which comprise one of the most emotionally moving sayings in the history of the English Language!!!! And that includes Anglo Saxon!!!! These words I speak of?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Get ready for them, because here they come!!!!!!.... "I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back...." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Chili's baby!!!!!! When it comes to restaurants I like to eat at and review for this blog, I like to go with the non-corporate, neighborhood places!!!!! Sometimes I go corporate or fast food, but not usually!!!!! Recently however, somebody gave my wife a gift card to Chili's as a "Thank You" for her work as a teacher, so it seemed as though fate was speaking to us and pointing us towards the fine corporate eatery known as Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!!! And not to give too much of my findings away about my experience at Chili's but, Fate, I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!! At least this time I thank you!!!!!!! Sometimes we have a rough go of things and I consider you to be my bitch lover!!!!!! But this time, Fate, you were good to me!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Anywho, my wife hates Chili's so in a rare form of generosity on her part, she handed me her Chili's gift card along with two words, "have fun!" Huuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I love my wife!!!! Just as long as she doesn't divorce me, which she probably will!!!!!!! So, a Sunday or two ago, the Mrs. wasn't home and I was totally bored and it was so g-damn hot out!!!! With that, I looked into my wallet, saw the Chili's card and thought to myself, "Well, I've got my Sunday planned!!!!!!" YESSSSS!!!!!!
In my early twenties, when I was right out of college, me and a couple of buddies would meet at Chili's Grill & Bar about once a week to drink beer and watch sports!!!! I always remembered the food being tasty and the memories positive, but it had been quite awhile since I had walked through the doors of a Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!! One of the habits that I have formed as I've gotten a little older is that when I get bored, I drink!!!!! Day drinking is actually pretty fun!!!! I used to force myself to wait until dinner time to begin imbibing!!! But when in a really bad marriage and bored off your ass on a weekend day, getting sloppy and overeating is a perfect way to spend a day and cope with the difficulties of life!!!!! That's truth!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
When I walked in to Chili's I took a seat at the bar and unfolded the menu sitting on the counter top!!!! One of the first things you'll notice when you walk in to the bar is that Chili's prides themselves on their margarita's!!!!! I'm more of a beer and wine guy, but hey, I can do an ice-cold margarita on a hot and humid day!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! So when the bartender approached me and asked me if I wanted a margarita, my response: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Needless to say, I started off my time at Chili's with a margarita!!! Like I said, I'm not a huge margarita drinker, but this margarita was ice-cold, full of flavor and wasted no time in getting me where I wanted to be that afternoon!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! After I had gotten the juices flowing so to speak with my margarita, I saw that they had Samuel Adams Summer Ale of tap!!!!! There is quite possibly no better beer to drink in the midst of 90 degrees and humidity in the middle of July than a Samuel Adams Summer Ale!!!!! So crisp, refreshing, and thirst quenching they could serve that malted hops beverage to guys who are in the middle of running the Boston Marathon and likely get exactly zero complaints!!!!!!! I'd absolutely bet on that!!!!! By the time I had polished off my margarita and two pints of Samuel, I was a little drowsy, if you know what I mean!!!! It was time soak up that alcohol with some snacks and satisfy the hunger the booze was bringing about!!!! One of the great things about the happy hour at Chili's is that they give you free chips and salsa!!!!! And, these are good chips and salsa and they come in a huge basket!!!!! The chips are fresh, crunchy, and oily while the salsa is of a high quality!!!!!!! I had them bring me out a plate of chips and salsa and they were nothing short of brilliant and life altering!!!!
As my appetite increased even more after eating the chips and salsa, I looked into the eyes of the bartender and ordered a Mushroom-Swiss Burger as well as a Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger!!! As I was ordering, the bartender began setting two places for food as though I was ordering for somebody meeting me at the bar later, but no!!!!! I had him remove the extra set of silver ware and napkins and communicated to him that both of these burgers will be for a party of one!!!!! Upon hearing that both burgers were for me, he slowly nodded his head and said, “OK. That’s impressive.” And then a few minutes later... out they came!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
First, I tackled the Mushroom-Swiss Burger!!!! This was a very good burger!!! The combination of the juicy beef with the Swiss cheese and sautéed shitake mushrooms was mind blowing!!!!! Remember that Maxell tape add in the 80’s when the guy is sitting in his living room chair listening to music off of a Maxell tape and his shades are on and his hair is blowing back?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That was me eating this burger!!!!! I was blown away!!!! It was so flavorful and impressive!!!!!! A beautiful beautiful burger!!!! Next, I went for the Shiner Bock Barbeque burger!!!! This too was an amazing burger!!!!! It had on it cheddar cheese, onion strings, and savory sweet Shiner Bock BBQ!!!! Also, there is something about eating food associated with Texas themed beer in horrid humidity that adds to this eating experience!!!! Again, wonderfully seasoned beef and flavor combinations on the Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger that make for a truly delightful eating moment!!!! Also, the fries at Chili’s are wonderful!!!! I love their fries!!!!! Whatever seasoning they sprinkle on to them makes for one of the best fried potato experiences in the history of corporate restaurant America!!!!! You can print that in the papers!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After all the saltiness of my meal, I needed something sweet!!!! I looked at the back part of the menu and saw that they had chocolate milkshakes for $3.99!!!! It seemed like a perfect way to cap off my time at Chili’s!!!! However, I’ve gotta say that the chocolate milkshakes at Chili’s are wildly disappointing. The shake lacked a strong chocolaty flavor and was overly runny, like I was drinking a bland glass of chocolate milk. Honestly, I could’ve made a better chocolate shake at home, and for much cheaper. In the future, I will skip the chocolate shake from Chili’s. But other than that, Chili’s Bar & Grill was fantastic!!!!! I would wholeheartedly recommend Chili’s for their burgers, fries, margaritas, and happy hour!!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!! I love Chili’s and will be back very soon!!!! No doubt!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!!