Friday, March 30, 2012

California Pizza Kitchen: Better Than How a Middle Aged Women Feels Getting Proposed to for the First Time!!!!!!!!

OK, so not too long ago I was on Twitter and CPK said they were giving away free gift cards because they were in a good mood or because I think it was National Random Act of Kindness Day!!!! With that, the gal who runs the Twitter account for CPK liked my tweets, so she decided to reward me with $40 worth of free gift cards to CPK!!!!! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just so it's clear, the sweetest and most delicious type of food that exists in the entirity of this planet we inhabit, is food that is free!!!!!!!!! It doesn't even matter what type of food it is!!!!! It can be appetizers, tacos, burgers, curry, steak, Klondike Bars, or even corn dogs!!!!!!! As long as the food is free, it's nowhere even close to being short of magnificent!!!!!!!!!! It's an automatic!!!!!!!!!  A truer statement about food has never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been spoken in the history of recorded humanity!!!!!!!!!!... NOT EVER!!!!!!! Saying that free food is the sweetest most delicious type of food there is, is truer than when Colombus proclaimed the world was round, truer than when Galileo stated the earth revolves around the sun, and it's g-damn truer than when St. Thomas Aquinas proved the existence of God due to the Law of Causation!!!!!!! Boom!!!!!!! Owned, haters!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Free food, is the most pulchritudinous thing I personally have ever experienced in this suffering painful world we live in!!!!! You want to better this planet?!?!?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?!?! Give somebody good free food and you are automatically bettering humanity!!!!!!!! Giving free food to me or anybody is what living this life is all about!!!!!!! What a magical, altruistic feeling one receives upon the giving of high quality caloric goodness!!!!!!! Not love from family, affection received from beautiful women, or the wonderful buzz from cold beer on tap on a Friday after 5pm can come anywhere near the experience of gobbling down free fodder given out on Twitter!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!! So, when I got my free $40 worth of CPK gift cards in the mail, I got more excited than a sixteen year old boy poking his eyes through the entrance of a strip club because eating my free CPK pizza was a feeling that comes along not too often!!!!!! And when it does.... BAM!!!! You gotta strike and get the g-damn most out the experience because this g-damn life we have is short!!!!!! You know what I'm sayin' playah?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! I mean, lets just say that I was excited,  pumped and ready to cause some food annihilation to CPK that my insides had never before seen or experienced!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
When I walked out to my mailbox that fateful afternoon and saw that a CPK envelope had arrived with my name on it, full well knowing the contents contained my gift cards, I felt like a chunky, unattractive, 34 year old woman, desperate to have a baby, whose insecure boyfriend had just been proposed to her!!!!  I was giddy with adrenaline flowing through my heart and veins and became light headed and flustered!!!!! This was an absolute dream come true for me, like a childhood fantasy being consummated!!!!!!!! Free pizza from CPK!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
When I opened that glorious envelope and when my gift cards slid out of that folded paper, I just sat on my couch and held those cards in my hands like a relapsed alcoholic holds a shot glass full of Jameson between his fingers finally partaking in that liquid treasure that he'd had been missing from his life for so so long!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't matter if he has to go back in to rehab or answer to his accountability partners later that week at the AA meeting!!!!! It just felt so right holding it there in my hands!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, to make a long story short, that night I drove down to the CPK I happened to be near in Newport and decided to go with three CPK pizzas!!!!!!!!! I hadn't been to CPK in years and I coundn't wait to partake in this free baked Italian feast compliments of CPK themselves!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I decided to go for the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage, Roasted Garlic and Chicken, and Habenero Carnitas!!!!! And and and... I didn't share them with anybody!!!!!!! They were all for me!!!!!! I know I know... I'm a selfish gluttonous pig... But I'm proud of who I am!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I juxtaposed my pizzas and started to go to work!!!!!!! As I felt the dough, cheese and toppings jump through my mouth, like clothes in a washing machine, those dreams and expectations I had had about my free CPK pizza were coming true!!!! Each of these pies was simply fantastic!!!! The quality of the dough was brilliant, the cheese was plenty gooey, while the toppings and sauce complimented everything so so well!!!!!! Probably my favorite was the Habenero Carnitas!!!!! Carnitas on pizza?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Genius!!!!!! Absolutely and utterly genius, CPK!!!!!! Come out for an encore!!!!!! We're all standing and clapping!!!!!! Come back out!!!! Play another song for us!!!!!!! One more!!!!!! Play one more!!!!! We want an encore from the Habenero Carnitas Pizza, CPK!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! And and and... the Habenero Carnitas pie came with salsa!!!!! Gosh damn, I could've eaten 45 inches of that Habenero Carnitas pizza smothered in their salsa!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!!!! The Garlic Chicken was plenty delicious as well and the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage could hold it's own with any high powered pizza joint in the country!!!!!!!!! When I had finished all of my pizza's, I felt like a beached whale and could barely even stand up and walk out of the place!!!!!! My eyes became bloodshot red and I wanted to just place my forehead down on my table and take a nap right then and there!!!! If the Red Cross had been around wanting me to donate blood, the phlegbotomist probably could've just poked a hole in my gut and drawn from there because I think all eight pints of my blood happened to be sitting in my stomach after my CPK meal!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
CPK, I am grateful for your generosity!!!!!! To be honest, if I hadn't gotten those gift cards from you via Twitter, I don't know when I would've ever been back to visit!!!!! Your pizza is fabulous and of a high quality!!!!!!!!!! My advice to those who read this: Get on over to CPK and pound down pies like your trying to tendorize meat!!!!!! So good and so fulfilling!!!!! Do it now!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

California Pizza Kitchen on Urbanspoon

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Pizzamania: Going Loco!!!!

In talking to people from the east coast who now live in Southern California, I hear the comment time and time again from them that the pizza one will find out here in the west is exponentially inferior to what you can find in places like New York, Philadelphia or New Jersey!!! Apparentely it has something to do with the water in the east!!!! I always thought that Los Angeles put out some pretty honorable pizza in relation to the rest of the country!!! So, in hearing the trash talk about pizza in So. Cal, and being that I am prideful of where I'm from, I've decided to try to make my way up to Los Angeles when I get the chance to sample some of the cheesy, baked crust, Italian excellence in the second largest media market in this great country of ours and see if it really is comparatively sub-par to what one will find elsewhere!!!! It's been awhile since I've been back east or to Italy, but I think I can tell where we're at here in LA when it comes to our pies!!!!!
I happened to be driving back home the other day from San Gabriel (home of Petrillo's which has excellent pizza), and noticed that I would be pretty close to an eating establishment that is rated as a top-10 pizza place in the Los Angeles market according to Urbanspoon... Pizzamania in Whittier!!!!!
I mean, what a great name - Pizzamania!!!!It's like, I'm going maniacal for pizza and there's a movement of deeply committed, non-rational people who will act without thinking in regard to the food put out by Pizzamania!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hell, I'd probably fit right in and find my niche in life if that were truly the case when it comes to the patrons of Pizzamania!!!!! Let's start a damned revolution over food because it's something that is worth fighting for and giving ones life for!!!!!! I'm a bit maniacal myself when it comes to eating, especially when eating tasty good pizza, and if that's what Pizzamania is all about, then consider me a foot soldier in the food revolution!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Is this making sense to anybody?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, me neither!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So while I was driving down the 605, I exited Telegraph Rd., and as exited the offramp and began looking around at my surroundings, everything seemed strangly familiar to me!!! It was like I was having dejavu, like I had been in this area in a past life!!! I drove by a place called Maggie's Pub and I wanted to say that I had been there before, maybe had a meal or a beer, but I didn't know for sure!!!! Anyway, when I pulled into the parking lot of Pizzamania in Whittier I saw that there were people spilling out into the parking lot either waiting for a table, or waiting to pick up their pies that had been ordered over the phone previously that evening!!!! A good sign, I suppose, for this food being virtuous and of heroic proportions!!!!! But at the same time, I was going to have to wait!!!! Dammit!!!!!! Whatever, it's fine!!!! I recalled the words of St. Pauls letter to the Galatians about sowing patience, so I waited in line patiently to place my order!!! I could've just called in the order, but I wanted to look at the menu!!!!
When I walked through the doors of Pizzamania and looked around, I again began to have this feeling of dejavu!!!!!! What the hell?!?!?! "Damn, this place looks familiar!!!! Have I been here before?!?!?!?!?!?!?!," I thought. As I walked through the dining room, past the bar, and saw that the pizza was being tossed and baked right behind the lovely young ladies who were taking orders, it all came back to me like the Prodigal Son returning to his father!!!! I had in fact been to Pizzamania!!!!! But when and with who and why?!?!?!?! Many years ago, I dated a girl who grew up in Whittier and I think one day after visiting her family we came to Pizzamania!!!! I can't exactly remember the details, but I had in fact been to Pizzamania before!!!!! It totally blew my mind!!!!!! And you know, it then brought back memories of her, my ex girlfriend, Elissa!!!! I started to get kind of sad as I thought about my old girlfriend and how things ended between us!!! She was a really really nice girl, and pretty hot, but she smothered me and at the end of the day she wanted to get married and I wasn't ready to pull the trigger at that point in my life!!!!!! And and and... I was an a-hole!!! Needless to say, it didn't work out!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! But being back at Pizzamania was trippin' me out!!!!! I was trippin' like Tre in Boyz n' the Hood!!!!! "Tre, you trippin'!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK, enough of that!!! After I had looked over the menu and when I finally got to the counter to order, I decided to go with a medium Special which had on it pepperoni, ham, mushroom,onions, and green peppers!!! I remember my ex-girlfriend telling me the day we were at Pizzamania that there was this really overweight guy, who had slimmed down, who was the owner and would toss the dough every day himself!!!! She pointed him out to me the day we were there many years ago!!! Just a random fact that was rekindled!!!!! In fact, a lot of old memories have been rekindled on account of my visit to Pizzamania and I've now begun to think of my ex-girlfriend often and I wonder how she's doing these days?!?!?! I've looked for her on Facebook, Twitter and even called her old home number, but to no avail!!!! Elissa if you're out there... I love you!!!!!! I was so stupid to break up with you!!!!! I was immature and confused!!!!!! Please, take me back!!!!!! We can make it, Baby!!!! You an me!!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaa hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, I don't think the owner was there that night, but I could've been wrong!!!! After I had placed my order, I had quite a bit of down time in the cramped waiting room filled with other Pizzamania customers wanting to get their overeating on with Pizzamania!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! After awhile, they called my name and being that there was no traffic on the freeway, I sped home as fast as I could as I longed to be alone with my pizza just as much as I longed for another moment alone with my ex-girlfriend!!!! Damn I miss her!!!!!
As I pulled into my driveway, I carried my Pizzamania box up to my bedroom and across the threshold, like it was our wedding night and we were about to make sweet passionate love to one another!!!!! When I opened the box, everything smelled magnificent!!!! From the freshly melted mozzeralla, to the spiciness of the sauce, to the warm oven-baked crust, to the high quality ingredients, everything looked and smelled utopian!!!! My next step was to turn on the TV and find something to watch that would compliment the eating of my Pizzamania pizza!!!! Usually a show like Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Man vs. Food, or No Reservations is the perfect amenity to eating sublime tasting food while you are emaciated and in need of an abundance of caloric intake!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Reruns of Man vs. Food happened to be on which made my meal with Pizzamania one of the most unforgettable instances in the history of my life!!!!! With each bite of Pizzamania pizza I took, a bubble of their spicy pizza sauce would pop up through the melted cheese like a puss ball escaping from a ripe zit on one's back!!! OK, maybe that's an unappetizing example, but you get my point, right?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! This pizza was superb and in fact was making me a bit manical!!!!! I started text messaging and e-mailing a bunch of border line innapropriate comments to people that I was not that close to!!!! Like associates at work and friends of friends on Facebook!!!!!! It was like I had just downed a bunch of alcoholic beverages and had lost every single ounce of good judgement and common sense that was in me!!!! I was a maniac because I was eating Pizzamania!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I mean, that's what the flavors and quality of this pizza has the potential to do to you!!!! You'll go crazy!!!!!!! Excellent sauce, fresh cheese, quality dough, and beautiful tasting meats and veggies!!!!!! This is no doubt a top-10 LA pizza joint!!!!!! I honestly and truly believe that you could take this pizza and put it next to the top pizzas on the east coast and Pizzamania would hold it's own!!!!!! Pizzamania could stand in the g-damn ring or octagon and exchange blows or roll around on the ground with any pizza from the east coast!!!!! You hear that New York?!?!?!?!?! You hearing this?!?!?!?!?! We're not scared!!!!! We don't care!!!!! As Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino shouted and proclaimed just before his scuffle with Ronnie, "Let's do this!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Pizzamania is fantastic!!!! The citizens of Whittier have been blessed by the Almighty in having this fine eating establishment in their town!!!! And Elissa, if you're out there, call me!!!!!! Send me a message!!!!!! I'll come for you!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Pizzamania on Urbanspoon