Friday, March 30, 2012

California Pizza Kitchen: Better Than How a Middle Aged Women Feels Getting Proposed to for the First Time!!!!!!!!

OK, so not too long ago I was on Twitter and CPK said they were giving away free gift cards because they were in a good mood or because I think it was National Random Act of Kindness Day!!!! With that, the gal who runs the Twitter account for CPK liked my tweets, so she decided to reward me with $40 worth of free gift cards to CPK!!!!! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just so it's clear, the sweetest and most delicious type of food that exists in the entirity of this planet we inhabit, is food that is free!!!!!!!!! It doesn't even matter what type of food it is!!!!! It can be appetizers, tacos, burgers, curry, steak, Klondike Bars, or even corn dogs!!!!!!! As long as the food is free, it's nowhere even close to being short of magnificent!!!!!!!!!! It's an automatic!!!!!!!!!  A truer statement about food has never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been spoken in the history of recorded humanity!!!!!!!!!!... NOT EVER!!!!!!! Saying that free food is the sweetest most delicious type of food there is, is truer than when Colombus proclaimed the world was round, truer than when Galileo stated the earth revolves around the sun, and it's g-damn truer than when St. Thomas Aquinas proved the existence of God due to the Law of Causation!!!!!!! Boom!!!!!!! Owned, haters!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Free food, is the most pulchritudinous thing I personally have ever experienced in this suffering painful world we live in!!!!! You want to better this planet?!?!?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?!?! Give somebody good free food and you are automatically bettering humanity!!!!!!!! Giving free food to me or anybody is what living this life is all about!!!!!!! What a magical, altruistic feeling one receives upon the giving of high quality caloric goodness!!!!!!! Not love from family, affection received from beautiful women, or the wonderful buzz from cold beer on tap on a Friday after 5pm can come anywhere near the experience of gobbling down free fodder given out on Twitter!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!! So, when I got my free $40 worth of CPK gift cards in the mail, I got more excited than a sixteen year old boy poking his eyes through the entrance of a strip club because eating my free CPK pizza was a feeling that comes along not too often!!!!!! And when it does.... BAM!!!! You gotta strike and get the g-damn most out the experience because this g-damn life we have is short!!!!!! You know what I'm sayin' playah?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! I mean, lets just say that I was excited,  pumped and ready to cause some food annihilation to CPK that my insides had never before seen or experienced!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
When I walked out to my mailbox that fateful afternoon and saw that a CPK envelope had arrived with my name on it, full well knowing the contents contained my gift cards, I felt like a chunky, unattractive, 34 year old woman, desperate to have a baby, whose insecure boyfriend had just been proposed to her!!!!  I was giddy with adrenaline flowing through my heart and veins and became light headed and flustered!!!!! This was an absolute dream come true for me, like a childhood fantasy being consummated!!!!!!!! Free pizza from CPK!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
When I opened that glorious envelope and when my gift cards slid out of that folded paper, I just sat on my couch and held those cards in my hands like a relapsed alcoholic holds a shot glass full of Jameson between his fingers finally partaking in that liquid treasure that he'd had been missing from his life for so so long!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't matter if he has to go back in to rehab or answer to his accountability partners later that week at the AA meeting!!!!! It just felt so right holding it there in my hands!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, to make a long story short, that night I drove down to the CPK I happened to be near in Newport and decided to go with three CPK pizzas!!!!!!!!! I hadn't been to CPK in years and I coundn't wait to partake in this free baked Italian feast compliments of CPK themselves!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I decided to go for the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage, Roasted Garlic and Chicken, and Habenero Carnitas!!!!! And and and... I didn't share them with anybody!!!!!!! They were all for me!!!!!! I know I know... I'm a selfish gluttonous pig... But I'm proud of who I am!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I juxtaposed my pizzas and started to go to work!!!!!!! As I felt the dough, cheese and toppings jump through my mouth, like clothes in a washing machine, those dreams and expectations I had had about my free CPK pizza were coming true!!!! Each of these pies was simply fantastic!!!! The quality of the dough was brilliant, the cheese was plenty gooey, while the toppings and sauce complimented everything so so well!!!!!! Probably my favorite was the Habenero Carnitas!!!!! Carnitas on pizza?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Genius!!!!!! Absolutely and utterly genius, CPK!!!!!! Come out for an encore!!!!!! We're all standing and clapping!!!!!! Come back out!!!! Play another song for us!!!!!!! One more!!!!!! Play one more!!!!! We want an encore from the Habenero Carnitas Pizza, CPK!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! And and and... the Habenero Carnitas pie came with salsa!!!!! Gosh damn, I could've eaten 45 inches of that Habenero Carnitas pizza smothered in their salsa!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!!!! The Garlic Chicken was plenty delicious as well and the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage could hold it's own with any high powered pizza joint in the country!!!!!!!!! When I had finished all of my pizza's, I felt like a beached whale and could barely even stand up and walk out of the place!!!!!! My eyes became bloodshot red and I wanted to just place my forehead down on my table and take a nap right then and there!!!! If the Red Cross had been around wanting me to donate blood, the phlegbotomist probably could've just poked a hole in my gut and drawn from there because I think all eight pints of my blood happened to be sitting in my stomach after my CPK meal!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
CPK, I am grateful for your generosity!!!!!! To be honest, if I hadn't gotten those gift cards from you via Twitter, I don't know when I would've ever been back to visit!!!!! Your pizza is fabulous and of a high quality!!!!!!!!!! My advice to those who read this: Get on over to CPK and pound down pies like your trying to tendorize meat!!!!!! So good and so fulfilling!!!!! Do it now!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

California Pizza Kitchen on Urbanspoon

1 comment:

  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.