Friday, September 30, 2011

Brea's Best Burgers: Oh, You're Good!!!!

This is how it usually works for me... When I eat somewhere, I order a shameful amount of food, take it back to my place, go to my room and shut the door so nobody will watch me consume the ridiculous amount of calories I stuff into my empty belly!!!! I mean, I'm ashamed of what my mom would say or think if she saw me ordering the amount of food I do and then watching me gain a ridiculous amount of pleasure and satisfaction pushing every last bite of food into my swollen, gum irritated mouth!!!!! Do you still love me, Mom?!?!??!?!?!?! Am I still your son?!?!?!?!?!?! Don't judge me!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When I walked into Brea's Best Burger my plan was to push the limits of my food intake for the day!!! I mean, I was going to go where I had never ever been before!!!!! I was planning on ordering and eating so much at Brea's Best Burgers that I actually started to get a little worried about how my kidney's and colon would hold up processing and handling that much food!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! This is what I did!! I ordered two bacon avocado cheeseburger, two regular cheeseburgers, a large order of fries and a large order of onion rings!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Huuuuuuyyyeeeaaahhhhh!!!!! Being that Brea is kind of far from where I live, I wasn't going to have time to isolate myself in my room with my shame eating for the day!!!! So, I was going to have to eat this food in public for all to see!!!! When I ordered my food I'm sure the girl behind the counter thought I was ordering for four people, so that was no big deal in terms of feeling self conscious! But what really worried me was the thought of sitting down in the dining room and having to deal with all of the glares and comments from diners who would witness my massive food intake at that moment!!!! I found a booth in the back corner, put on my hood and sunglasses and stared at the ground so as to not draw attention to myself!!!! When they called my number I got my trays of food and brought them back to my table!!! "Maybe the people he's eating with are outside or in the bathroom" some might've thought with all that food in front of one person!!! But it was all for me!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! When I looked around the dining room, I saw something very comforing... Beautiful really!!! I saw the other diners at Brea's Best stuffing their faces with unreasonable amounts of food too!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I mean there was this one guy who was working on like 3 club sandwiches and was absolutely pounding them!!!!! Another guy in the booth in front of me had like a burger and two orders of onion rings!!!!!! As I began looking around, I realized I was now in the company of friends!!! I was in the company of like minded people who love to eat their fill of fried fatty food!!!!! I discovered Brea's Best Burgers is a safe place!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! With that, I lowered my hood, took off my sunglasses and began making eye-contact with all of the diners there!!! I even exchanged greetings with one guy!!! I don't care what people think of my eating habits!!!! I don't care!!!!! If you look at me funny because you think I eat too much, then that's your problem, not mine!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
OK, let me comment on these burgers!!! Two words came to my mind while chewing on my ketchup soaked meat cake: Damn Good!!!! I mean that's all that came to mind!! Damn Good!!!!! The flavor, juiciness, and quality of these burgers was completely awesome!!!! This is the kind of burger that you can just keep eating and eating and eating and you never seem to get full because it's so damn flavorful and you don't want the eating moment to end!!!! That's Brea's Best Burgers!!!!! It's like your stomach is telling you it's full but your mind tells you, "just keep going!!!! Don't stop!!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Brea's Best, you're good!!! In the words of my main man Billy Joel, "Don't gooooo changing!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Brea's Best, I love you just the way you are!!!!!!!

Brea's Best Burgers on Urbanspoon

Monday, September 26, 2011

Good Choice Sushi: A Picture of Paradise!!!

One of my all time favorite pastimes, I mean hands down more than baseball or whatever the hell else people do, is that I like to eat a boat load of sushi!!!! Filling your mouth will all different types of fish until you are uncomfortably full and bloated is just a fabulous way to spend the entirety of your day!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Now I need to pre-empt this by saying that when I first tried sushi, I immediately fell in love!!!! Sushi is one of my all time favorite foods!!!! However, years ago, on the very first night I tried sushi, I made a committment!!!! A vow!!! A covenant with myself, that from this day forward, I will only eat at sushi restaraunts that offer All You Can Eat Options!!!!! Sushi is so good tasting, yet somewhat expensive and unfilling!!!! So as to not cheat myself or lose out on a beautiful eating experience, I told myself I will only eat sushi at restaurants where I am allowed to fill my belly to the brim!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Now now, I've been to some sushi places that don't have AYCE sushi options and find their food to be excellent!!! So I haven't been completely true to the sushi vow!!!! But I try so hard every damn day!!!!! And for the most part, I do good!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
With that, I had heard about Good Choice Sushi and the fact they serve up some of the finest sushi in all of OC!!! But when I heard they have an AYCE option on Monday and Tuesday nights, this place shot way up my list of sushi restaurants to do some major damage at!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! When I walked in to Good Choice and sat down at the bar, I told the waitress we were doing the AYCE option!! When she showed us all of the rolls on the menu we could have as well as pointing to the sushi boats flowing by and telling us they were part of the AYCE option too, I could've sworn I saw Gene Wilder with his purple coat, top hat, curly hair and walking cane somewhere in my mind!!! Or was he really there?!?!?!?! Gene then began singing, "Come with me. And you'll be. In a world of pure imagination." Gene then went on to sing, "If you want to view paradise. Simply look around and view it." I mean, after seeing the rolls we could order and being told we could have anything off of the sushi boats, I felt like Augustus Gloop walking into that room in the chocolate factory where everything was made of candy and was edible and I could eat anything I wanted!!!!!! I mean, it was a dream come true!!!!
And to my shame, or honor (However one looks at it), like Augustus, I began grabbing every plate within reach off of those damn boats rushing by and ordering roll after roll after roll after roll after roll after roll after roll after roll from the sushi chef behind the bar!!!! I mean, the bus boy had to come by four different times to pick up the stacks of empty sushi plates that were piling up all around me!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! When we were full and I could move no more, they brought the check, and it was only $18.50 per person for AYCE sushi!!!!! What a deal!!!!!! This guy we were sitting next to who witnessed our food decimation commented, "they definetely lost money on you guys tonight!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I've gotta be careful!!! If I go here too often, I may eat Good Choice Sushi out of business!!!!!!
Most sushi places that have AYCE usually have average quality fish that is only OK tasting!!! However, Good Choice possesses the rare combination of having excellent tasting and high quality fish for an AYCE sushi option!!!!! Good Choice is perhaps the most brilliant and valuable discoveries in my lifetime!!!! I ate here last night, and I can still taste the fish in my belly this afternoon!!!!! That's how much food you'll do at this place!!!! Do it now!!!! Don't even hesitate!!! Get down there and get to work!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Good Choice Sushi on Urbanspoon

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Slater's 50/50 Burgers by Design: The Breath of God Incarnate!!!

In the Old Testament, the prophet Ezekial is brought to a valley that is full of dry bones. God then asks Ezekial, "... can these bones live?" We read that God speaks to these dry bones in the valley and says, "I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life." Why am I starting off this review with a Sunday school lesson you might ask?!?! Well because the 50/50 patty contains the breath of God as mentioned in the Old Testament and has the ability to make dry bones live!!!!! Simple as that!!!! And today, I experienced that breath!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Look, I'm gonna get a little vulnerable with everybody here... I've been in a little bit of a funk lately. I've been unmotivated, feeling passionless, and lazy. I've been like the dry bones Ezekial walked by in the valley, feeling, well, dry. Why? I don't know. Look, I know you aren't interested in hearing about my personal problems but I share them with you because today, I feel dry no more!!!!! Why don't I feel dry anymore you might ask?!?!?!?!?! Well I'll tell you!!! And the answer is simple!!!! I went to Slater's 50/50 Burgers by Design today and the breath of God was breathed in to my still, creeky, dry bones!!!!!!! The 50/50 patty that is made up of 50%beef and 50% bacon can be described as nothing short of the breath of God incarnate!!!!! The food at Slaters 50/50 will breathe life into your still, dead, heartless soul!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! For all of you biblical archaelogists out there, message to you... 'You may now go home. You can stop whatever it is you were doing and forget about publishing any of your current or future findings." Why?!?! Well, the breath of God as mentioned in the book of Ezekial has been discovered!!!!! You know where it is?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?! Well I'll telly you!!!! It's in Anaheim Hills off of Santa Ana Canyon Rd.!!!!! No doubt, in biblical times the breath of God had to have been a slab of meat consisting of part swine and part cow!!!! It had to have been!! I know that to be a fact!!!!!!! I know it's true!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When I sat down at the bar, I ordered a 2/3 lb 50/50 burger with lettuce, tomato, onion, relish, cheddar, and swiss with Chipotle Mayo and decimatated it like I was popping an Advil tablet into my mouth!!! I mean I was experiencing the breath of God and had never felt anything like I was experiencing while I was smothering that meat patty into my newly filled with life face!!!! That meat was so savory and so flavorful!!!! There was a smokiness and tenderness to the 50/50 patty that was absolutely divine!!!! I mean there's no other way to describe it than "of God!!!!" Plus, I had fries and onion rings and they were awesome!!! Just awesome I say!!!! The waitress was warning me that the portions are very generous, but for me, it was about average!!! I was still kind of hungry when I finished!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Look, if you're a religious cook and you're reading this, maybe you're going to get mad at me!!!!! But, I challenge you, go to Slater's 50/50 and after chewing on a 50/50 patty, I dare you to tell me that that this food didn't come from the gates of heaven!!!! I dare you!!!! Prophesy Son of Man!!! Hear the word of the Lord!!!! The life of God will be breathed into you upon eating this food!!!! Do it now!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Slater's 50/50 Burgers By Design on Urbanspoon

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Hodad's: A Thing of Beauty!!!

I saw this place on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and had saliva drooling off of my tongue onto my shirt over their burgers and shakes while watching on TV!!! So, I made the trek down to OB and decided I was going to pound a little Hodad's, baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!
When I showed up to Hodad's there was a line out the door going all the way down to the corner of the street!!! I looked at my buddy and said, "Hey, we're here. Let's just grin and bear it!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But I've gotta say, in agreement with other reviewers, the line moves pretty fast!! It only took us like 25-30 minutes to get in!!!! While standing in line and watching the Newport Ave. beach trash walk up and down the street with their dreadlocks, body piercings, and blood shot eyes from the mornings bong tokes, it occured to me that very few, if any, OB locals ever eat at Hodad's. It seemed that the vast majority of the clientele were out of towners from the Mid-West with pasty white skin who wear polo shirts tucked into their plaid cargo shorts and those beat to hell Abercrombie and Fitch hats with the bill folded like a taco shell. Needless to say, it looked to me that this place was a complete tourist trap. But then again, I don't live in OB and for all I know maybe it was all locals!!!!
Anyway, on to the food!!!! I ordered a double bacon cheeseburger with fries, a basket of frings, and a chocolate shake!!!!! When I was ordering my food, the waiter looked at me and said, "dude, that's too much food! You're not going to be able to finish it all!!" Hey! Don't tell me my business boy!!! Don't you dare question my passion for eating or my food intake abilities!!! I mean, I didn't actually say that to the guy. He was being cool. I'm only saying that now to myself as I'm writing this review!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
My shake came out first and it was an absolute thing of beauty!!! It was so rich and so creamy and so sweet that I powered that thing down well before my burger and fries were brought out!! It reminded me of that scene in the movie Pulp Fiction when John Travolta and Uma Thurman are sitting in Jackrabbit Slims and Uma Thurman orders a "five dollar milkshake." John Travolta then asks her, "Did you just order a five dollar milk shake?" Uma Thurman says, "Yeah." When the shake is brought out to Uma, Travolta grabs a spoon and says, "I need to know what a five dollar milk shake tastes like." When he digs his spoon into the creamy concoction and places it into his mouth, he takes a moment and then says, "Damn, that's a pretty good F*%$#!% milkshake!!" With each mound of Hodad's chocolate milkshake that I scooped into my mouth, I kept saying to myself, "Damn, that's a pretty good F*%$#!% milkshake!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But at Hodad's the shakes are only $4.75.
When I was done with the shake, they brought the burger and fries out, and I gotta say, this burger was massive!! I mean, I couldn't even fit my mouth around the damned thing!! When I finally managed to wrap my lips around the bun and bite into it, the meat, cheese, bacon, veggies, ketchup, and grease just melted in my mouth!!! These burgers are so juicy and delicious!!!! And and and, after finishing all of my food, I was pretty full!!! Usually, I'd still be hungry and need more to eat, but Hodad's had the rare ability to make me feel full after one sitting!!! While slowly walking out of Hodad's I turned to my buddy and asked, "Was Hodad's worth the 30 minute wait." After giving it a little bit of thought, he responded saying, "Oh yeah!!!"
I would say these burgers and shakes live up to the hype!!! it's completely worth the 30 minute wait!! The only thing, is that you'll be eating with a lot of hodad's and not the typical burnt out San Diego beach trash you see walking through OB!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I kid because I love!!!!!! When in SD, hit this place and hit it hard!!!!!! Do it!!!!!

Hodad's on Urbanspoon

Friday, September 23, 2011

Diddy Riese: I Can't Quit You!!!!

Oh my God!!!! Ohhhh myyyy Gaaawwwddd!!!! I remember coming to this place back in the days of when I was in college!! When I walked through the doors of Diddy Riese the other day, a host of memories from when I was in my early twenties flooded my mind!!! I remember back in the hey, it was only $.99 for a sandwich, but they bumped the price up to $1.50... which is fine! It's still a great deal!! I got a sandwich with chocolate chip cookies and cookies and cream ice-cream!! And, the only word that comes to mind when I recall eating that ice-cream sandwich is... Shesus!!!!
I'm not going to exaggerate here when I say... that these cookies and this ice-cream, especially combined, is far better than the wildest, most intense, passionate intimate experience one can know!!! I mean wedding nights are cool and all, but when I stuck that sandwich deep into my mouth and encountered the sweet combo of moist chocolate chips, soft cookie dough and frozen ice-cream, I could've filed for divorce right then and there!!!! As I was walking out the door and down the street finishing up my sando, I crumpled up the wax paper threw it behind me, and then stopped!!! It occurred to me that I just had to see Diddy again!! I mean, I wouldn't accept walking away from her at that moment!!! I made a mistake on my wedding day when I told my wife "I do." I was too young!!! I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into!!! But Diddy, I now know that you're my one and only!!!! I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Diddy!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
After I finished sando #1 I then turned my feet and began sprinting back towards Diddy to get back in line!!! I needed another one!!! But to be honest, I ended up having five more sandwiches that day with all different types of combos!!!! Oatmeal cookies with vanilla!!! M&M cookies with chocolate!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! I can't quit you Diddy Riese!!!! I can't quit you!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
I mean, who the hell needs e-harmony,, or somebody to set you up on a date with some reject?!?! This ice-cream and these cookies are the only companionship anybody needs in this life!!!! That is an unmitigated fact!!!! You can believe that!!!! Hell, a sando only costs $1.50!!!! Much cheaper, better, and more low maintenence than a romantic relationship!!!... I'm gonna leave her, Diddy!! I promise!!! After I file the papers we'll run away together and live the life we always wanted!!!!! Married people, beware!!! Diddy Riese has the power to end even the strongest of marriages!!!!! She's that damn good and sweet!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Diddy Riese Cookies on Urbanspoon

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Yuca's: Ehhh...

A few years back I was watching either a USC or a UCLA football game and at halftime this segment came on that had Todd Blackledge stuffing his face with Yuca's burritos. With his mouth full of tortilla and pinto beans hanging off of his chin, Blackledge was insistent that Yuca's in Los Feliz was serving up the finest Mexican food in all of Los Angeles. With that, I've always had it in the back of my mind to try Yuca's whenever I was up near Hollywood, which isn't often. But the other day I was at Griffith Park and decided that the moment had arrived for me to destroy Yuca's!!! As I walked up to the counter I ordered a carne asada burrito, 2 yucatan pork tacos, 2 carnitas tacos, a carne asada torta, and a cheeseburger. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I was pretty damned excited to do my best Blackledge impression that day, cramming Yuca's down my pie hole to no end!!! In leading up to the moment of eating at Yuca's, I did a little research and saw that Yuca's was voted best tacos in 2009 by a publication of some sort I'm not familiar with. Needless to say, between being voted best tacos in LA and listening to Blackledge, my expectations were pretty damn high!! After I had finished my food, I gotta say... I was pretty underwhelmed. I'm not saying Yuca's is bad, the food is fine, but I really struggled to understand what the big deal is surrounding Yuca's. I'm not hating on Yuca's! Again, the food is fine!! It's just that I can't figure out why Todd Blackledge would wet his pants over this place, or why Yuca's would be voted best taco's in 2009!! Hell, I can name 10 places right now off the top of my head that have superior tacos to Yuca's. King Taco in East LA, Chronic Tacos or even Pedro's in San Clemente all serve up tacos that are much tastier than Yuca's in my humble, but accurate, opinion!!! But again, Yuca's isn't bad!! I'm not hating!! I guess it's that I had high expectations and had my heart broken a little bit by Yuca!! I don't quite get all of the excitement about Yuca's!! But hey, I'm only one person!! Go to Yuca's and try the food for yourself! The food is not bad and overall you will be pleased!!! Eat hard when you go though!!! I mean put it away!!!! You can do it too because the portions are kind of small!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Yuca's on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Volcano Burgers: There is Strength in Volcano Burgers!!!

 As an Orange County high school football fan, I can remember back in the 90's the Los Alamitos Griifins High School football team had something like a 45 game winning streak going on!!! I can recall watching the high school football report on OCN each Friday night in the fall with Ken Rudolph and Jim Watson to see if Los Al had kept their winning streak alive!! It was a special time!! C'mon, somebody out there remembers OCN, right?!?!?!?! My dad was friends with Los Al's coach, John Barnes, back in the day too!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Anyway, I was driving through Los Alamitos the other day and had been hearing the legends of Volcano Burgers for quite some time!!! When I pulled in to the parking lot, I noticed that Volcano Burgers is literally right across the street from Los Alamitos High School!! Home of the 45 game winning streak in the 90's, baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! My stomach was barren after a long day of walking and I was ready to devour an unreasonable amount of food!!!! And after ordering my food from the Volcano Burgers window, that I did!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I ordered an Avocado Cheeseburger, a Colossal Burger, an order of fries, and an order of onion rings!!!! To be honest, I was thinking this wouldn't be enough food for me!!! I was thinking I might need to go back and order burgers number 3 and 4!!!!! But, I've gotta say, the size of these burgers were huge!! And the amount of fries and rings they gave to me were more than adequate!!!! When I finished all of my food, it felt just right!!! I mean, I could've gone back for more, but then I thought, "that's not necessary. I'm feeling satisfied!!!" But it was a debate in my mind that went on and on!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! These burgers are very juicy and will not fail to fulfill your hunger!!! This food will make you strong and has the ability to release endorphins like no other!!! Los Al's 45 game winning streak in the 90's makes sense to me now!!!! Do you know why?!?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?!?!?! Well I'll tell you!!!!! I have absolutely no doubt in my mind (not one square inch of doubt, I say!!!!!) that the Los Al Griffins in the 90's probably ate lunch every single day at Volcano Burgers which undoubtedly contributed to their culture of winning!!!! It's no surprise they hardly ever lost!!!!! In the 90's there was no need for Coach Barnes to watch film, draw up plays, or strategize with his coaching staff!!!! I'm sure all Coach Barnes did was give his team a food stipend each week, send them across the street to Volcano Burgers, and then put his guys out on to the field!!! And they won 45 in a row!!!!!! (No disrespect to Coach Barnes!!! He is an innovator and a genius!!!) Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Volcano Burgers, baby!!!! I haven't followed Los Al football in a long time. But if they haven't been winning, then they need to get back to fundamentals!!!!! They need to get back to old school football!!!! What they need to do is decimate Volcano Burgers before practices and games, so they can then decimate their opponents each Friday night!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! There is power and strength in Volcano Burgers!!! Just ask Los Al football!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! When in Los Al, do this place!!! You will get a glimpse of what it feels like to be a winner!!!!! Boom!!!!!

Volcano Burgers on Urbanspoon