Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hard Eight BBQ: Unlike Anything I've Ever Experienced!!!

I recently went to Texas for the first time and upon stepping off of the jet way into the Dallas/Forth Worth Airport the first thing I said to myself was, "Damn, there are a lot of fat people in Texas!" Hey, we can all get a little chubby and might carry around a spare tire, right?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about people in Texas being HUGE!!! Like GIGANTIC!!! The type of person you see and say to yourself, "Dude, I like to eat too, but push away from the table or mix in a salad every now and then!" That was the first thing I noticed. The second thing I noticed was that there were BBQ restaurants everywhere. And of course Texas is known for their BBQ! So when in Texas, do as the Texans do and eat some BBQ, right?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hard Eight was only about 10 minutes from where I was staying so I ventured over to Coppell to Hard Eight for lunch one day!!!! When I first arrived, the smell of the meat being blown about by the strong Dallas winds was overwhelming! I mean, I could've just sat in the damn parking lot all day and basked in the beautiful odor of charred beef and pork fat that Hard Eight was emitting! But I had to eat this stuff! When I got to the front of the line I ordered brisket, pork ribs, spicy sausage, mac and cheese, potato salad and cole slaw! I took a seat and simply put, I lost all control. I started to stuff the brisket into my face with reckless abandon! I lacerated my gums against a pork rib bone because I was tearing the meat off of and licking the bone uncontrollably!!!! And their sauce!!! Oh my goodness!!!! I mean, wow!!!! That's all I can say! Both their hot and regular bbq sauces were unlike anything my pallet had ever experienced! Incredible!!!! Their spicy hot sauce was a thinner, runnier type of sauce that definitely had a vinegar base to it! No joke, I took a small cup and started doing shots of their spicy bbq sauce!!! It was that good, people!!! Oh, and I can't end this review without mentioning something about their potato salad!! There was some sort of mustard base to it that made me just close my eyes and take a moment of silence! Eating the food at Hard Eight was a precious and holy moment! That's a fact!!!
Eating always brings about a euphoric feeling for me! However, this is perhaps one of the only times that when I finished eating this feeling of depression overwhelmed my soul! Why was I depressed you ask? Well, because when I looked down at my plate and saw that it was empty, I knew I would never have another eating moment like that in my life again! Not ever!!! And I know that I won't be in Texas again anytime soon to experience Hard Eight!!!! Uhhhhh.... That really saddens me (sniff sniff)...
In seeing all of the enormous people walking around Dallas, something occured to me while at Hard Eight. It was an epiphany really... My epiphany was this: I understand why there are so many morbidly obese people in Texas. It is undoubtedly because of places like Hard Eight! To be completely honest, if I lived in Dallas I would probably become enormously huge and fat as well as I would unhealthily frequent Hard Eight until my doctor put me on cholesterol meds!!! I will miss you Hard Eight! I long to see you again and will dream of you tonight when I sleep!!! When in Dallas, I only have one piece of advice for you: Bet the Hard Eight!, baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Hard Eight BBQ on Urbanspoon

No comments:

Post a Comment