Sunday, September 25, 2011

Slater's 50/50 Burgers by Design: The Breath of God Incarnate!!!

In the Old Testament, the prophet Ezekial is brought to a valley that is full of dry bones. God then asks Ezekial, "... can these bones live?" We read that God speaks to these dry bones in the valley and says, "I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life." Why am I starting off this review with a Sunday school lesson you might ask?!?! Well because the 50/50 patty contains the breath of God as mentioned in the Old Testament and has the ability to make dry bones live!!!!! Simple as that!!!! And today, I experienced that breath!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Look, I'm gonna get a little vulnerable with everybody here... I've been in a little bit of a funk lately. I've been unmotivated, feeling passionless, and lazy. I've been like the dry bones Ezekial walked by in the valley, feeling, well, dry. Why? I don't know. Look, I know you aren't interested in hearing about my personal problems but I share them with you because today, I feel dry no more!!!!! Why don't I feel dry anymore you might ask?!?!?!?!?! Well I'll tell you!!! And the answer is simple!!!! I went to Slater's 50/50 Burgers by Design today and the breath of God was breathed in to my still, creeky, dry bones!!!!!!! The 50/50 patty that is made up of 50%beef and 50% bacon can be described as nothing short of the breath of God incarnate!!!!! The food at Slaters 50/50 will breathe life into your still, dead, heartless soul!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! For all of you biblical archaelogists out there, message to you... 'You may now go home. You can stop whatever it is you were doing and forget about publishing any of your current or future findings." Why?!?! Well, the breath of God as mentioned in the book of Ezekial has been discovered!!!!! You know where it is?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?! Well I'll telly you!!!! It's in Anaheim Hills off of Santa Ana Canyon Rd.!!!!! No doubt, in biblical times the breath of God had to have been a slab of meat consisting of part swine and part cow!!!! It had to have been!! I know that to be a fact!!!!!!! I know it's true!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When I sat down at the bar, I ordered a 2/3 lb 50/50 burger with lettuce, tomato, onion, relish, cheddar, and swiss with Chipotle Mayo and decimatated it like I was popping an Advil tablet into my mouth!!! I mean I was experiencing the breath of God and had never felt anything like I was experiencing while I was smothering that meat patty into my newly filled with life face!!!! That meat was so savory and so flavorful!!!! There was a smokiness and tenderness to the 50/50 patty that was absolutely divine!!!! I mean there's no other way to describe it than "of God!!!!" Plus, I had fries and onion rings and they were awesome!!! Just awesome I say!!!! The waitress was warning me that the portions are very generous, but for me, it was about average!!! I was still kind of hungry when I finished!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Look, if you're a religious cook and you're reading this, maybe you're going to get mad at me!!!!! But, I challenge you, go to Slater's 50/50 and after chewing on a 50/50 patty, I dare you to tell me that that this food didn't come from the gates of heaven!!!! I dare you!!!! Prophesy Son of Man!!! Hear the word of the Lord!!!! The life of God will be breathed into you upon eating this food!!!! Do it now!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Slater's 50/50 Burgers By Design on Urbanspoon

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