Friday, September 23, 2011

Diddy Riese: I Can't Quit You!!!!

Oh my God!!!! Ohhhh myyyy Gaaawwwddd!!!! I remember coming to this place back in the days of when I was in college!! When I walked through the doors of Diddy Riese the other day, a host of memories from when I was in my early twenties flooded my mind!!! I remember back in the hey, it was only $.99 for a sandwich, but they bumped the price up to $1.50... which is fine! It's still a great deal!! I got a sandwich with chocolate chip cookies and cookies and cream ice-cream!! And, the only word that comes to mind when I recall eating that ice-cream sandwich is... Shesus!!!!
I'm not going to exaggerate here when I say... that these cookies and this ice-cream, especially combined, is far better than the wildest, most intense, passionate intimate experience one can know!!! I mean wedding nights are cool and all, but when I stuck that sandwich deep into my mouth and encountered the sweet combo of moist chocolate chips, soft cookie dough and frozen ice-cream, I could've filed for divorce right then and there!!!! As I was walking out the door and down the street finishing up my sando, I crumpled up the wax paper threw it behind me, and then stopped!!! It occurred to me that I just had to see Diddy again!! I mean, I wouldn't accept walking away from her at that moment!!! I made a mistake on my wedding day when I told my wife "I do." I was too young!!! I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into!!! But Diddy, I now know that you're my one and only!!!! I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Diddy!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
After I finished sando #1 I then turned my feet and began sprinting back towards Diddy to get back in line!!! I needed another one!!! But to be honest, I ended up having five more sandwiches that day with all different types of combos!!!! Oatmeal cookies with vanilla!!! M&M cookies with chocolate!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! I can't quit you Diddy Riese!!!! I can't quit you!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
I mean, who the hell needs e-harmony,, or somebody to set you up on a date with some reject?!?! This ice-cream and these cookies are the only companionship anybody needs in this life!!!! That is an unmitigated fact!!!! You can believe that!!!! Hell, a sando only costs $1.50!!!! Much cheaper, better, and more low maintenence than a romantic relationship!!!... I'm gonna leave her, Diddy!! I promise!!! After I file the papers we'll run away together and live the life we always wanted!!!!! Married people, beware!!! Diddy Riese has the power to end even the strongest of marriages!!!!! She's that damn good and sweet!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

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