Albertaco's: Not the Best I've Ever Had, But Not Bad.

So, I have been to Albertaco’s on three different occasions, and to be perfectly blunt and honest, have failed to understand the hype surrounding this establishment!!! I’ve noticed on urbanspoon that it’s ranked as the number 5 “cheap eats” place in all of Orange County. Plus, one of my co-workers who went to Saddleback College, which Albertaco’s is right across the street from, swears by this place! I mean she goes ga ga every single time the topic of Mexican Food is brought up in a coversation around the office!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Albertaco’s has been on my radar for quite some time and I was excited to try it, and quite honestly really really really really wanted to like this place!!! We're talking desperately wanting to like!!!!! I mean as I sat eating my Albertaco's Mexican Food, I was looking for excuses or anyhing I could latch on to about this fare that would cause my emotions to inflame so I could write an over the top review of this Mission Viejo eatery!!! I tried, Albertaco! I swear to you that I tried!!!!! I dug down deep into the portals of my heart and soul and failed to muster up any kind of passionate depiction or feeling over my experience eating at Albertaco's!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Look, I try to keep it positive around here and I like to have fun with my reviews! But if I want to be taken seriously as a food blogger, then I have to dish out a little bit of negativity when it comes across my palette. I don’t like being negative and I would never ever tell somebody to not eat someplace unless the food and or service is exceptionally poor (or if your name is Gilley’s in Las Vegas).  So let’s just establish that right off the bat!! In no way does this review of Albertaco’s mean you should not eat here! Try the food for yourself! You may have a much better experience than I did!! Also, let me just say that the food at Albertaco’s is not bad at all. It’s not low quality or poor in any way!!! The owners and employees at Albertacos work very hard and take noticeable pride in their food!!! And for that, I say to Albertaco, Muchos Gracias por todo!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

So the other day as I was driving down to San Diego, I stopped here for lunch to give Albertaco’s one last shot!! I ordered a Carne Asada Burrito, 3 fish tacos, and a chicken quesadilla!!!! I ate every last bite of my food, so it couldn’t have been that bad, right?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! First off let me say that the carne asada burrito was fine. The carne asada had good flavor, and the fillings of rice, beans, guacamole and salsa complimented everything nicely!!! I was off to a good start!!!! I then moved on to my fish tacos!!! The downfall with these fish tacos was the white sauce. It was overly-mayonaisey and sweet, which just didn’t work for me!!! But, I ate all three of them, so again, it couldn’t have been too bad!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I then capped off my Mexican feast with their chicken quesadilla!!! There wasn’t anything fantastic about the chicken quesadilla unfortunately. The flavors were kind of bland and the combination of everything together didn’t do much for me!!! The quesadilla was huge though and I had to push through some pain to squeeze that mother down in to my gut!!! But I did it!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

If you’re deciding whether or not to eat at Albertaco’s, I would say, go! Heck if there was a night sometime in the future where I was really lusting for some Mexican food, I could see myself returning!!! Go to Albertaco’s! They are worthy of your business! They will not give you bad food by any means!! It’s just that I’ve had Mexican food that in my opinion is much better! Not sure why they are the 5^th ranked cheap eats place in all of OC! But hey, they’re doing something right!!! 

DG Burger: A Damn Good Burger, at Damn Good Burger!!!!

I first heard about DG Burger when I saw that it was the “talk of the town” in Orange County on Urbanspoon.com. And I am always on the hunt for a good burger to eat! Always!! But I’ve gotta admit that when I saw DG Burger was actually in the private dining room at Charlie Palmers in Bloomingdale’s at South Coast Plaza, I thought it might be a little too high society for me! I mean who the hell can afford to shop and eat at South Coast Plaza these days?!?! Oh wait, I know who... Those blonde haired blue eyed USC grads who live in Newport Beach and act like nobody else on the planet is relevant or exists except for them. Talk about an obnoxious, self-centered, cultish, group of people... Shesus!!! Hell, the Branch Davidians in Waco think USC people are annoying!! David Koresh wanted to be president of USC, but was ultimately rejected because he lacked the insane Marshall Applewhite glare in his eyes which USC requires of its people!!! You want an example of horrible people who in essence do nothing more in life than fill up space that otherwise useful people would occupy?!?!?! Look no further than the graduates of USC!!! Hell, USC is the only university in the country which I know of that offers the major, “Managing Daddy’s Inheritance.” God  what a sad commentary on humanity that USC is!! Hang your head in shame, losers!!! What a disgusting institution filled with spoiled, arrogant, myopic pigs who contribute nothing to the world!!!! Oh wait, George Lucas graduated from USC and he brilliantly thought up of Jar-Jar Binks. I stand corrected. Thank you for your offering to the world, Mr. Lucas. USC must be very proud of you. Oh and your screenplay and directing of Attack of the Clones was just brilliant. I mean the writing of the romance between Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen was just so convincing that I was in utter shock when Natalie and yourself got nominated for Razzies in the categories of worst actress, director, writer, and picture, but lost! But you did win the worst screenplay Razzie, so bravo USC and Mr. Lucas for your wonderful accomplishments and donations to the world!  But you’re worth many billions, so, whatev. I guess you’ll have the last laugh...

Anyway, I work for a living and do my best to give back and help my fellow man in whatever capacity possible, unlike those reprehensible USC idiots!!! Needless to say, I was out of my element walking around South Coast Plaza and sitting down in the private dining room at Charlie Palmers!! But it’s about the food, so I decided that on this day I would bring a certain focused intensity to my eating and not worry about the abhorrent USC grads I was rubbing shoulders with!!! OK, on to the food...

At DG Burger, you order your food at the counter from a guy who I guess is a fine-dining waiter from Charlie Palmers, and then take a seat in their upscale private dining room! They give you a number and bring you your food in paper containers and checkered wax paper!!! It’s an interesting combination here of high-end dining and a casual burger joint! They even had a flat screen in there with Sportscenter turned on so I could watch my football highlights while waiting for my food!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! When my burger was brought to me it looked and smelled absolutely delicious! I ordered my DG Burger with cheddar and it came with lettuce, tomato, onions, and their special DG Sauce!!!! When I stacked all of the toppings together and lathered up the beef with a healthy dose of ketchup, I squeezed that burger together and inhaled it like I was Morton Downey Jr. sucking on a cigarette!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! It was juicy, flavorful, and I felt completely gratified as I chewed down that food and as my esophagus pulled it down into my barren, growling stomach!!! Now, my expectations were pretty damn high for this place, after all, their name is “Damn Good Burger.” I was expecting nothing short of a damn good burger, and you know what?!?!?!?! It was a damn good burger at Damn Good Burger!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Perhaps not in the same class as some of the elite burgers I have sampled over time, yet an incredibly worthy burger that lives up to its billing as being damn good!!!! Also, their fries are very nice!! There’s something in how they fry them that makes the potatoes very succulent and enjoyable to eat!!! I don’t know, maybe the flavor of the fries was just my imagination, but the fries stood out as being some of the finer spuds I've had the pleasure of devouring! 

After a long day of walking around South Coast Plaza and blowing your wad on over-priced clothes and accessories, DG Burger will go a long way in curing whatever guilt or buyers resmorse you may feel for the irresponsible spending habits you partook in for the day!!!! Hey, I guess that’s why all the USC grads are there, right?!?! They know that eventually daddy will see the credit card statement and those spoiled, useless, Trojans who frequent South Coast Plaza spending their time, money and resources on themselves and material possesions while thumbing their noses at a world in need, will have some explaining to do!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! It makes complete sense as to why all the USC degenerates crowd this place!!! When at South Coast Plaza, treat yourself to a DG Burger!!! Do it because this is a damned good burger, despite having to be around those .... "people" from USC!!!!!! Eat hard!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Berkeley Dog: Simply Marvelous!!!!

Hot Dogs and Sausages have always had a special place in my heart!!! Especially when I suck down that encased pork in a tube and it gets lodged in my chest cavity from eating too much too quickly. then it quite literally has a special place in my heart!!!! I mean, I can gulp down sausages and frankfurters like I'm washing down an ice cold glass of water in the middle of the desert on a hot summer's day!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Let's just say that I have capitalized on numerous occasions while at Dodger Stadium sitting in the All You Can Eat Pavillion and going back every single inning for Dodger Dogs and Nachos with all the fixings!!!! I do it right, baby!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!! I want it to be known that in my opinion, when Frank McCourt made the business savvy decision to give fans the option to sit in the Right Field Pavilion and stuff down as many Dodger Dogs as humanly possible, it was a moment that rivals the Kirk Gibson Game 1 home run in 1988, the signing of Manny Ramirez, a Sandy Koufax no-hitter, and Fernandomania in the early 80's!!!! Though Mr. McCourt's reign as Dodger owner is mired in scandal and controversy, he made the most important and significant decision in Los Angeles Dodger's history.... He let us eat as many Dodger Dogs as we want as long as we were willing to pay a little extra for seats in right field!!!!!! You Mr. McCourt, are a genius!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! OK, my point is that I love hot dogs and sausage and I have done some major damage to the swine industry in this country!!!!! I am proud of the work I have done in the name of keeping the pig farms in business in the midst of a struggling economy!!!!! I have probably single handedly paid the mortgage of at least a handful of those working in the pork industry!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK OK, Berkeley Dog!!! If you follow my blog, you may remember that not too long ago, I was in the Bay Area and upon my entrance into Marin County, my first stop wasn't the Golden Gate Bridge, the Trans America Building, Alcatraz, or Fisherman's Wharf!!!! No no no no no no no!!!!! My first stop.... Top Dog on Durant in Berkeley!!!!! Home to world famous hot dogs and sausages!!!! I pounded hot dogs and sausages like a star that day and often times will go back and read my review of Top Dog to relive that special and brilliant eating moment in my life!!!!!! Now, when I heard that there was a place in the Orange County area called Berkeley Dog, the first thing that popped into my head was, Top Dog in Berkeley!!!!! Oh my God!!!!! Could this be happening?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean, is this for real or is it a dream?!?!?!?!?! A Top Dog like restaurant within driving distance to where I live?!?!?!?!?! I just had to go!!!!! I couldn't wait a single moment more than was necessary to absolutely ravage the pork products residing at Berkeley Dog in Mission Viejo!!!!!!!
Berkeley Dog was about a thirty minute drive for me to get to, and you know what?!?!?! It was well worth it!!!! I got there a few minutes before 11:30am, which is when they opened, and I sat outside the front doors of Berkeley Dog like a puppy dog waiting in the alleyway for scraps from the days leftovers!!! But right when 11:30am hit, I swung open those doors, walked up to the counter, and ordered my sausages with authority!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Actually, before I ordered, I asked the guy taking orders about the connection between Top Dog and Berkeley Dog. His response.... "There's no connection at all. We are completely independent of one another. They let us use their artwork, and they are the inspiration behind this place, but we are not connected in any way." I've gotta say, that was a bit disheartening to hear!!! But I was so worked up to guzzle down sausages, I didn't let that hinder me in any way and proceeded to order a Frankfurter, Bockwurst, German Frankfurter, and two orders of fries!!!!!
When my sausage links were finished, I noticed that similarly to Top Dog, Berkeley Dog serves their sausages on a baguette type of bun!!! But oh that pork!! It was so shiny and greasy and beautiful smelling, that I walked over to the condiment bar and proceeded to put onions, relish, mustard, jalepenos, and and and and and yes... Ketchup!!!! I don't give a crap what some people say!!! Ketchup is a g-damn must for any type of sausage!!!! This whole notion that you can't have ketchup on your sausage is a gross injustice that I find deeply offensive and am utterly appalled by!!! Gotta have ketchup on your hot dog!!! You've got to!!!! It's just not the same without it!!!! You can call me a commie bastard all you want but I will douse that tubed pork with a healthy portion of ketchup and enjoy every single last bite that I have with my sausage!!!! That's how I roll!!!!!
So after my sausages were good and loaded up with all the condiments, I went after those dogs like Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino goes after some slutty, intoxicated lassie in a nightclub at 2am!! I mean I went for it and put a whoopin' on those links that Chris Brown would've been proud of!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Now now, I know there is nothing funny about abusive relationships!!
These sausages were so succulent, juicy and flavorful that after my firtst bite I just had to stop, cross myself, and thank God in heaven for the gift of pork, Muslims, and Jews!!! Of course neither Muslims nor Jews eat pork, so it means more for you and me!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! With each bite I took, mustard, onions, relish, ketchup, and jalepenos would spread across my face and would fall into the palms of my hands!!!! I had to lick my hands and the surrounding parts of my face that could be reached with my tongue after every bite I took!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! And as that greasy sausage and freshly baked baguette sat in my stomach, all of the worries, all of the pain, all of the uncertanty about the future and the outcome of my rotting marriage, simply left me!! Some people would turn to booze or drugs as an escape... Not me!!! I'll take Berkeley Dog any day of the week to numb the pain of life, thank you very much!! (I hope my wife doesn't read this! If she does... I love you baby!). This is high quality sausage and is worth every single cent you spend on them!!! Not far off from Top Dog in Berkeley at all!!! Not at all!!!
Berkeley Dog is beautiful! The sausages are beautifully prepared, taste stupendous, and they take me back to times of sitting in the stands at Dodger Stadium or in the parking lot of the Colisseum or Rose Bowl tailgating before a game!!! There's just nothing like it!!! It's simply marvelous!!!! If you live in Mission Viejo, then you're a lucky son of a b*tch and I envy you!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I'm just kidding! I'm a lover not a fighter!!! But, you owe it to yourself to do this place!!! Do it now and do it hard!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!