Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza: A Newport Beach Drunkards Dream!!!!

There is just something about hole in the wall pizza places near the beach!!!!! The smell of salt water mixed with suntan lotion combined with the cool ocean breeze and the pungent odor of beach sewage spewing from a busted pipe somewhere, coupled with baked dough, melted mozzarella cheese, and spicy tomato sauce makes for one of the most glorious and reminiscent odors known to humankind!!!!!! That's a fact!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!! While I was going to college up in LA back in the day, I had a friend whose family had a place on Balboa Peninsula!!!! On Thursday nights we would drive down to the Peninsula and man would it be popping off!!!! The Blue Beet, Blackies, Mutt Lynch's, Sharkeez, The District, Cabo Cantina!!!!! The booze would be flowing, the music blaring, and many young Newport Beachers would be laughing, screaming and dancing in an attempt to blow off steam from the stressful week of managing their vast inheritances or allowances that their parents gave to them!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Newport Beach is a g-damned party year round!!!!!!! Thursday nights and Sunday afternoons are when the locals let loose and tip multiple beers and cocktails on the way to the most glorious feeling one can ever experience in life: the feeling of alcohol running through your bloodstream dizzying up your brain!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
And when the bars close at 2am, and when your belly is full of all kinds of different distilled beverages and malted hopped brews, there is a human need that rises to the forefront of our existence!!!!! What that might be you ask?!?!?!?!?!?! It is the need for pizza after a long night of drinking!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
A few weeks back, I was tooling around the Balboa Peninsula when I came across Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza!!!! That smell of hole in the wall pizza place near the ocean brought back childhood memories of hanging out at Sunset Beach during the summer, while Laventina's itself brought back memories of searching for something salty and cheesy to eat on a Thursday night after a long night of carousing!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Anybody who drinks in Newport reguarly or who lives there knows the significance and tradition of ordering an inexpensive Laventina's pie once the bars close!!!!!!! And that's the thing about Laventina's!!!! It's decent pizza for not a lot of money!!!! So when you've blown your wad of cash on Martini's and pints of imported beer at the Newport bars, you can still afford a whole pizza for yourself to take home with you to sop up all of the alcohol in your system!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Quick story!!! One night while in college I got really drunk in Newport with some friends!!!! Afterwards we went to Laventina’s and each ordered an entire large cheese pizza for ourselves to decimate!!!!! Within minutes, I had polished mine off and almost immediately began feeling sick!!! The alcohol coupled with the great speed I had consumed my food made me thow up in a matter of minutes!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But here’s the funny part!!!!! As I was throwing up in the parking lot around the corner, my vomit was coming out really slowly like it was play-dough being pushed through one of those toy grinders!!!!!!! It was the dough of the pizza that made it come out like play-dough!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Actually, that didn’t happen to me!!!! But it did happen to some guy who told me the story!!!!! I couldn’t stop laughing as he shared and I would love nothing more than to be able to make that story my very own!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha!!!!!
OK, so the other day as I was in Newport and as I was getting ready to hop on the 55 Freeway and drive home, I saw Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza on my left!!! I think it was a Tuesday night and there was practically nobody there!!!! Every other time I had been to Laventina's it was full of pro Newport boozers lined up outside the door eager to destroy a freshly baked pie, while there would be fresh puddles of vomit lined all along the sidewalk from that evening of imbibing!!!! But Tuesday nights I guess are quiet on the Peninsula as there was no vomit or drunks, at least that I saw, outside of Laventina's!!!!!! So, for old times sake I turned into the parking lot right by Laventina's and decided I was going to go to town on the Laventina's menu like I had never before!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
When I walked in, it was just like I remembered it!!!!! No tables!!!! You have to get your pizza to go or get it for delivery!!!!!! In looking over their menu, I went for a medium with 1/2 cheese and 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno, another medium with 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno and 1/2 chicken and garlic, and a meatball sandwich!!!! I could've just gotten a whole pizza with pepperoni and jalapeno!!!!!! I don't know what I was thinking!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh, and I didn't share any of my food!!!!! I wasn't going to take this food home to share with anybody!!!!! It was all for me baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When my food was ready, I collected my boxes and bag of Italian grub and decided I was going to eat it like the Newport drunks eat it at 2am on a Thursday night!!!! I was going to loiter outside on the sidewalk and just eat my pizza and sandwhich with no utensils, plates, etc. as though I was hammered and couldn't wait to stuff my face with that salty Italian goodness!!!!!!!
Look, I love Laventina's!!!! I will say that the food here is not the greatest in the world. It's not bad though!!!! It's cool because the food is so inexpensive here, which is a rarity for the Peninsula!!! The dough, toppings, sauce and cheese on the pizza are fine!!! Nothing special but not bad!! Also, the meatball sandwich is a typical meatball sandwich. Nothing to write home about but not bad!!!!! The real joy of this place is going really late at night after too many cocktails!!!! It's a Newport Beach drunkards tradition!!!!!  I don't get down to Newport that often anymore!!! Actually hardly ever!!!! The parking situation is a pain in the ass and there are too many burnt out alcoholics hanging around for my taste!!!!! But I was glad I stopped by Laventina's the other day!!!! It brought back so many wonderful memories of childhood and college!!!!! If you're ever on the Peninsula, try Laventina's!!!! Do it!!!! Especially when drunk!!!! You won't regret it!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza on Urbanspoon

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