Gilley's: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places!!!

Upon my recent trip to Vegas, I ended up at this s-hole! Don't ask me how or why, but I just ended up here! Somebody I was with is actually a huge fan of the movie Urban Cowboy, so when we were walking by Treasure Island, well we just had to eat at Gilley's!!! Upon being dragged into Gilley's, my reaction can be summed up best by the words of Lloyd Christmas in the movie Dumb and Dumber, "Yipee!!!" Needless to say, I was a little... no no, I was extremely disappointed when we landed in this inbred, country western lunk head, hang-out!!! When we walked inside, there was a thirty minute wait, so we decided to walk over to the bar or saloon or whatever the hell it's called to have a few pops before our pager buzzed!!! When I walked up to the bar to buy the first round of beers, I was aghast at the selection of beers they had!!!! PBR, Bud Light, Coors, Miller Lite... I mean, really?!?! What the hell is the deal with cowboy's and their piss poor taste in beer?!?!?! I mean, are you guys that unsophisticated and simple that you can't appreciate a craft beer or an import?!?! Or is it that you guys are so close minded and intolerant in your political views that you refuse to experience or support anything outside the borders of the USA?!?!?! And and and... what the hell was the deal with the waitresses?!?! I mean the uniform for a waitress at Gilley's is a bikini with leather chaps!!! Really, Gilley's?!?! I mean, really?!?! Bikini's and leather chaps?!?! Wow!! I mean, how low rent and trashy can you get?!?! How dehumanizing and objectifying can you be towards your fellow human beings?!?!?! Are you really that sexually cheap and immature, cowboy culture, that you get sexually aroused ordering your cheap ass beer from women in bikinis and leather chaps?!?!?! What a disgrace!!! How shameful, cowboy culture is!!! The dude in Deliverance, who has his way with Ned Beatty, is the type of clientele Gilley's is apparently shooting for, but who happen to be straight. However for some, one of the bright spots of American culture is our Country Western culture!! You know, the culture that is musically illiterate with their love of Conway Twitty and Toby Keith, who dance around like absolute jackasses in their cowboy boots and Stetson hats, and who champion people like Hank Williams Jr. and carry him around on their shoulders.... OBAMA!!!!! OWWWHHHHH YEAAAHHHH!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hank Williams Jr. sucks ass and I'm thrilled to death he no longer does the song for Monday Night Football!!! OK, one last thing and I'm done with this diatribe... They've got a mechanical bull in the bar, just like at the Gilley's in Urban Cowboy!!! And the night we were there they had something going on called, Bikini Bullriding... Once again, a promotion that just screams class and culture!!!! The song from the movie, Lookin' for Love, is absolutely fitting for Gilley's because if your looking for any type of significant relationship with the toothless skanks in this knobby joint, well, you're looking in all the wrong places!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I kept expecting Scott Glenn to walk in wearing his gay ass fish net football jersey with no shirt underneath, Debra Winger by his side, to show Bud how to ride that mechanical bull like a real man!!!! But thank God that didn't happen!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Mercifully, our pager began to vibrate and I was able to get out of that damned saloon!!! We took a seat in the dining room and thankfully the waitresses there were fully clothed!!! Look, despite my disdain for country western culture, I do appreciate the food. I ordered the BBQ Short Rib and found it to be very good! The meat was tender, flavorful, and had the ability to soften my heart towards cowboys... As much as I hate to admit it, the cowboys did something right with their preparation of various meats!!! The sides of potatoes, beans, cole slaw, and corn bread were also very good!! It was a nice, hearty meal that did well in satisfying my hunger!! I can't say that I'll be back to Gilley's, but if you want to hang around some really simple people to boost your self confidence, well, this is the place!!! ... OK look, perhaps I'm being too harsh towards county western folks, but I truly just don't understand the culture!!! Country Western music and culture makes me ashamed to be a white guy!!! I'm ashamed of my race on account of cowboys and hillbillies!!! They're a bunch of simpleton's who discredit the human race!!! You know what, don't support Gilley's! Put this place out of business!! Don't support cowboys and Country Western music!!! Society will be better for it!!! I'm sorry this review is so negative and has flashes of anger!!! But I resent Country Western culture!!!!

Hard Eight BBQ: Unlike Anything I've Ever Experienced!!!

I recently went to Texas for the first time and upon stepping off of the jet way into the Dallas/Forth Worth Airport the first thing I said to myself was, "Damn, there are a lot of fat people in Texas!" Hey, we can all get a little chubby and might carry around a spare tire, right?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about people in Texas being HUGE!!! Like GIGANTIC!!! The type of person you see and say to yourself, "Dude, I like to eat too, but push away from the table or mix in a salad every now and then!" That was the first thing I noticed. The second thing I noticed was that there were BBQ restaurants everywhere. And of course Texas is known for their BBQ! So when in Texas, do as the Texans do and eat some BBQ, right?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hard Eight was only about 10 minutes from where I was staying so I ventured over to Coppell to Hard Eight for lunch one day!!!! When I first arrived, the smell of the meat being blown about by the strong Dallas winds was overwhelming! I mean, I could've just sat in the damn parking lot all day and basked in the beautiful odor of charred beef and pork fat that Hard Eight was emitting! But I had to eat this stuff! When I got to the front of the line I ordered brisket, pork ribs, spicy sausage, mac and cheese, potato salad and cole slaw! I took a seat and simply put, I lost all control. I started to stuff the brisket into my face with reckless abandon! I lacerated my gums against a pork rib bone because I was tearing the meat off of and licking the bone uncontrollably!!!! And their sauce!!! Oh my goodness!!!! I mean, wow!!!! That's all I can say! Both their hot and regular bbq sauces were unlike anything my pallet had ever experienced! Incredible!!!! Their spicy hot sauce was a thinner, runnier type of sauce that definitely had a vinegar base to it! No joke, I took a small cup and started doing shots of their spicy bbq sauce!!! It was that good, people!!! Oh, and I can't end this review without mentioning something about their potato salad!! There was some sort of mustard base to it that made me just close my eyes and take a moment of silence! Eating the food at Hard Eight was a precious and holy moment! That's a fact!!!

Eating always brings about a euphoric feeling for me! However, this is perhaps one of the only times that when I finished eating this feeling of depression overwhelmed my soul! Why was I depressed you ask? Well, because when I looked down at my plate and saw that it was empty, I knew I would never have another eating moment like that in my life again! Not ever!!! And I know that I won't be in Texas again anytime soon to experience Hard Eight!!!! Uhhhhh.... That really saddens me (sniff sniff)...

In seeing all of the enormous people walking around Dallas, something occured to me while at Hard Eight. It was an epiphany really... My epiphany was this: I understand why there are so many morbidly obese people in Texas. It is undoubtedly because of places like Hard Eight! To be completely honest, if I lived in Dallas I would probably become enormously huge and fat as well as I would unhealthily frequent Hard Eight until my doctor put me on cholesterol meds!!! I will miss you Hard Eight! I long to see you again and will dream of you tonight when I sleep!!! When in Dallas, I only have one piece of advice for you: Bet the Hard Eight!, baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!