Fat Slice Pizza: Unparalleled Fodder!!!!!

You know, I truly and utterly believe that I have found the meaning of life!!!! I believe I have!!!!! At least I've found what it is for me!!!!! And it doesn't have anything to do with what cooky fundamentalist Christians, earthy mystics who dance around a fire pit at 1am gazing at stars, or what mentally exhausted nihilists have to say about what the principles are which will guide one into alignment with the highest existential experience of bipedal homo-sapiens!!!!!!!! What is the meaning of life you might ask?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, if you've read past blog posts of mine then you actually might know what the meaning of life is, according to me!!!!! Not the Ancient Greeks, Stoics, Epicureans, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Animists, nor smelly Berkeley girls who haven't shaved their armpits, used deodorant, or changed their clothes for weeks know what the meaning of life is!!!!!!! They have no idea!!!!!! And what is the answer to this hotly debated and deeply thought out question since the dawn of man you might ask?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I say it's this: Eating a lot of really good tasting food, then getting drunk off of either craft beer, wine, or powerful cocktails!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I laugh, but you know what?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I believe that statement!!!!!! And in this postmodern world we live in today, who's to say I'm wrong?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Then again, who am I to say that anybody else is wrong?!?!?!?!?! It's all relative, right?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But you know what, look at the header of my blog!!! The verse from the book of Ecclesiastes pretty much is in agreement to what my answer is to the meaning of life!!!!! Eat good food and drink good drink!!!!! Hey, maybe the Christians and Jews do have the answer to the meaning of life!!!! And I guess the Epicureans were on to something too!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! I mean, there's just something about how when good food touches my lips and engages with the taste buds that just causes the priorities of my life to completely change!!!!!! Instead of wanting to connect with people and do a good turn daily, I'd rather just seek out the next intoxicating bite of cuisine that will cause me to go halfway insane, as well as carve out a good portion of my day to drink fine tasting booze with whatever that fine fodder is that swirls through my mouth!!!!!!!! Gotta leave some time to recover from my hangover, you know?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! And that's why I'll never ever get married or have children!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!! Overeating and getting drunk is just too damned important when it comes to living a joyful and fulfilling life!!!!! Hey, and if you have kids and get married, you can no longer stuff your face with salty food and over imbibe on alcohol with the regularity or frequency that deep down every single human soul years for!!!!!! If you have kids and a wife you've got to share your time and money with them, and it's not cool watching your parents get hammered on the couch or at the dinner table every night!!! Believe me, I know!!!!! I wouldn't want to subject anybody to that!!!!! But, I really do feel like I have discovered the joy of this life and it's so simple, yet so beautiful!!!!!! One more time, what is the meaning of life?!?!?! It's good food and alcohol!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

OK, so over the summer I was watching women's water polo during the Olympics and I became a big admirer of female water polo players!!!! Those broad shoulders, tight Speedo swimsuits, and the physicality of those girls splashing around in the pool was so completely hot!!!!!! With that, I sent a tweet to one of the players on the USA women's water polo team for fun, and you know what?!?!?! She responded to me!!!!! After that I went to her Wikipedia page and saw that she went to school at UC Berkeley!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Don't worry, I'm not an creeper!!!!!! But being that I was going to be in Berkeley, or at least near it, I sent her a tweet a few weeks later asking her for food recommendations near the campus in Berkeley!!!!! And she responded to me again!!!!!! How cool is that!?!?!?!?! She told me that Fat Slice Pizza on Telegraph was a go to when in Berkeley!!!!! Hey, other than Top Dog and Zachary's, I don't really know anything about the food scene in Berkeley!!!!!!! So getting a recommendation, especially from a bona fide US Olympic gold medalist, who happens to be pretty damned cute and went to school at Berkeley, was something I absolutely needed to follow up with!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! So I hopped on to the BART, got off on University in downtown Berkeley and walked up to Fat Slice to do some damage!!!!!!! It was like 11am when I walked through the doors and they were just pulling some freshly baked pies out of the ovens!!!!! Holy God!!! The smell of that freshly baked dough, fresh cheese, sauce, and spicy pepperoni just as it was coming out of the oven, smelled better than a bottle of Febreeze probably did to those people who've been stuck cruising on the Triumph for the past week!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! When I walked up to the counter, I wanted the full gamut of this mass of salty Italian pastry!!!!!!! With that, I think that maybe I've become a bit more refined when it comes to my pizza tasting!!!!! I've learned that a good pizza is in the sauce, crust, and cheese!!!! Whereas the toppings are important, it's all about the sauce, crust, and cheese!!!!!!! So, I just went with straight up cheese and straight up pepperoni, 2 slices each!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! When they gave me my slices I found a seat in the back room and there were a couple of homeless dudes grinding down slices of Fat Slice too!!!! Hey, if you're using the dope or booze money you panhandled for for hours to spend on this pie, you know it's special, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 

When I picked up my first slice of pizza, it was so light and fluffy, yet it had a good denseness to it!!!! When the tip of that triangular shaped Italian plunder entered my mouth, the combination of that grease, cheese, sauce and bread was some of the most unparalleled tasting fodder I have ever experienced!!!!! Their cheese was so milky and gooey I swear to God I think they may have had a cow farm out back and the milk in their cheese came straight from the cow's udder like 10 minutes earlier!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh my God this pizza was heavenly and I absolutely fell in love with it!!!!!! Also, I started to develop feelings for the water polo player I had been tweeting, even though we've never met!!!!!! For her to recommend such a wonderful tasting pizza slice, speaks volumes to the beauty of her soul!!!!!!!! But she's an Olympic gold medalist!!!!! She would never go out with me, would she?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Now I'm sad!!!!!! But wait, relationships aren't the meaning of life, it's food and beer!!!!! I can just stuff my face and get drunk and the thought of being in a relationship will leave me immediately!!!!! What was I thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Fat Slice Pizza is awesome pie!!!!! The Cal Berkeley frat guys and sorority girls have it made with fat slice as I'm sure this pizza hits the spot after a long night of slamming Nasty Light and Milwaukee's Beast!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hey, when in Berkeley do this place!!!! It rivals some other place called Blondies, but don't bother going there!!!!! This pizza has everything you look for in a good pie!!!!!! Do this place and do it hard!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I love you Fat Slice!!!!

Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza: A Newport Beach Drunkards Dream!!!!

There is just something about hole in the wall pizza places near the beach!!!!! The smell of salt water mixed with suntan lotion combined with the cool ocean breeze and the pungent odor of beach sewage spewing from a busted pipe somewhere, coupled with baked dough, melted mozzarella cheese, and spicy tomato sauce makes for one of the most glorious and reminiscent odors known to humankind!!!!!! That's a fact!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!! While I was going to college up in LA back in the day, I had a friend whose family had a place on Balboa Peninsula!!!! On Thursday nights we would drive down to the Peninsula and man would it be popping off!!!! The Blue Beet, Blackies, Mutt Lynch's, Sharkeez, The District, Cabo Cantina!!!!! The booze would be flowing, the music blaring, and many young Newport Beachers would be laughing, screaming and dancing in an attempt to blow off steam from the stressful week of managing their vast inheritances or allowances that their parents gave to them!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Newport Beach is a g-damned party year round!!!!!!! Thursday nights and Sunday afternoons are when the locals let loose and tip multiple beers and cocktails on the way to the most glorious feeling one can ever experience in life: the feeling of alcohol running through your bloodstream dizzying up your brain!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
And when the bars close at 2am, and when your belly is full of all kinds of different distilled beverages and malted hopped brews, there is a human need that rises to the forefront of our existence!!!!! What that might be you ask?!?!?!?!?!?! It is the need for pizza after a long night of drinking!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
A few weeks back, I was tooling around the Balboa Peninsula when I came across Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza!!!! That smell of hole in the wall pizza place near the ocean brought back childhood memories of hanging out at Sunset Beach during the summer, while Laventina's itself brought back memories of searching for something salty and cheesy to eat on a Thursday night after a long night of carousing!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Anybody who drinks in Newport reguarly or who lives there knows the significance and tradition of ordering an inexpensive Laventina's pie once the bars close!!!!!!! And that's the thing about Laventina's!!!! It's decent pizza for not a lot of money!!!! So when you've blown your wad of cash on Martini's and pints of imported beer at the Newport bars, you can still afford a whole pizza for yourself to take home with you to sop up all of the alcohol in your system!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Quick story!!! One night while in college I got really drunk in Newport with some friends!!!! Afterwards we went to Laventina’s and each ordered an entire large cheese pizza for ourselves to decimate!!!!! Within minutes, I had polished mine off and almost immediately began feeling sick!!! The alcohol coupled with the great speed I had consumed my food made me thow up in a matter of minutes!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But here’s the funny part!!!!! As I was throwing up in the parking lot around the corner, my vomit was coming out really slowly like it was play-dough being pushed through one of those toy grinders!!!!!!! It was the dough of the pizza that made it come out like play-dough!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Actually, that didn’t happen to me!!!! But it did happen to some guy who told me the story!!!!! I couldn’t stop laughing as he shared and I would love nothing more than to be able to make that story my very own!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha!!!!!
OK, so the other day as I was in Newport and as I was getting ready to hop on the 55 Freeway and drive home, I saw Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza on my left!!! I think it was a Tuesday night and there was practically nobody there!!!! Every other time I had been to Laventina's it was full of pro Newport boozers lined up outside the door eager to destroy a freshly baked pie, while there would be fresh puddles of vomit lined all along the sidewalk from that evening of imbibing!!!! But Tuesday nights I guess are quiet on the Peninsula as there was no vomit or drunks, at least that I saw, outside of Laventina's!!!!!! So, for old times sake I turned into the parking lot right by Laventina's and decided I was going to go to town on the Laventina's menu like I had never before!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
When I walked in, it was just like I remembered it!!!!! No tables!!!! You have to get your pizza to go or get it for delivery!!!!!! In looking over their menu, I went for a medium with 1/2 cheese and 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno, another medium with 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno and 1/2 chicken and garlic, and a meatball sandwich!!!! I could've just gotten a whole pizza with pepperoni and jalapeno!!!!!! I don't know what I was thinking!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh, and I didn't share any of my food!!!!! I wasn't going to take this food home to share with anybody!!!!! It was all for me baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When my food was ready, I collected my boxes and bag of Italian grub and decided I was going to eat it like the Newport drunks eat it at 2am on a Thursday night!!!! I was going to loiter outside on the sidewalk and just eat my pizza and sandwhich with no utensils, plates, etc. as though I was hammered and couldn't wait to stuff my face with that salty Italian goodness!!!!!!!
Look, I love Laventina's!!!! I will say that the food here is not the greatest in the world. It's not bad though!!!! It's cool because the food is so inexpensive here, which is a rarity for the Peninsula!!! The dough, toppings, sauce and cheese on the pizza are fine!!! Nothing special but not bad!! Also, the meatball sandwich is a typical meatball sandwich. Nothing to write home about but not bad!!!!! The real joy of this place is going really late at night after too many cocktails!!!! It's a Newport Beach drunkards tradition!!!!!  I don't get down to Newport that often anymore!!! Actually hardly ever!!!! The parking situation is a pain in the ass and there are too many burnt out alcoholics hanging around for my taste!!!!! But I was glad I stopped by Laventina's the other day!!!! It brought back so many wonderful memories of childhood and college!!!!! If you're ever on the Peninsula, try Laventina's!!!! Do it!!!! Especially when drunk!!!! You won't regret it!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Antonucci's: Consider This a Gift on the Day of my Daughters Wedding!!!

I think the guy who works as the horse racing handicapper for the Los Angeles Times is a guy by the name of Jerry Antonucci!!!!! One day, back in the hay, I went to a handicapping seminar by the paddock at Santa Anita race track in Arcadia, and who was there offering up his handicapping advice as well as winners and exotics for that days card?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Jerry Antonucci!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Though I have absolutely no evidence to prove this, Jerry Antonucci was a guy who looked like he might have been missing fingers, if you know what I mean!!!!!!!!! Thick goggle specks, gold chain dangling against his long grey chest hair, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, tan Italian skin, an 18 inch stogie between his teeth, and streaks of grey streaming through his well groomed dark slicked back hair!!!!!!!! When he spoke into the mic at the small crowd that had gathered around him that weekend morning to learn from the master, I was expecting a salty Brando voice to blast through the speakers into our ears.... But that wasn't the case... He spoke like a normal guy!!!!! Jerry Antonucci was actually very gentlemanly in nature, showed well refined humor to his audience, and dispelled any stereotypes that might exist about a guy who's a professional horse racing handicapper with the last name of Antonucci!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I hear a very ethnic Italian last name like, Antonucci, the first thing that pops into my mind is homemade marinara sauce, meatballs, and strong red wine!!!!! Remember that scene in the Godfather when Luca Brasi teaches Michael Corleone how to make spaghetti and meatballs while drunk on too much red wine?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Love that scene!!!!!!!! Whenever I think of Italian culture, or the nation of Italy for that matter, I immediately think of an abundance of good hearty Italian food and powerful red wine!!!!!! Eating and drinking is such a huge part of who the Italians are and I love that about them!!!!!!! I hope I don't have an unfair stereotype of Italians!!!! If this is offensive to some who are of Italian heritage, I apologize!!! But hey, at least I don't think of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi or Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino when I think of Italy, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
OK, so in all seriousness, one of the main reasons as to why I ate at Antonucci's Italian Restaurant in Mission Viejo was mainly due to the name!!!!!!! Not even joking!!!!!! I mean, just the name Antonucci's made me hungry and got me craving Italian food every single time I saw the name or heard it!!!!! Try it!!!!! Say "Antonucci" a few times and tell me you don't immediately start craving good Italian food and a jug of red wine to stuff down your pie hole to no end!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
So, I went to Antonucci's one evening and decided to order a pizza with pepperoni, garlic, and mushrooms as well as a meatball sandwich.... Oh yeah, and a s-load of red wine!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! My first impression of the food at Antonucci's was that it looked and smelled wonderful!!!!! That spicy garlic steaming up from the hot melted mozzarella cheese and spicy marinara sauce sitting on a warm baked crust made me want to marry Victoria Ghotti at that exact moment to become a  made guy with the Columbo's!!!!! No doubt the Columbo's have done and still do some very bad things, but man I'll bet those guys eat so so well every single night of the week!!!!!!!! I wouldn't give a damn about the street cred or the income I would get being a mobster, but to me the real benefit of being a made guy is the food and wine you would get to partake in each day!!!!! Make no mistake about that!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK, so the food at Antonucci's looked and smelled good, but when I bit into the pizza, it was by no means a top-20 pizza for me. The sauce was good, the cheese and toppings were fresh, but the crust just didn't work for me. The crust struck me as something that was mindfully prepared, but it was overly chewy and somewhat hard. Again, the crust wasn't cheaply done and it wasn't totally dried up like some places, but it was harder to chew than I would've liked. Not a bad pizza, but certainly not the best I've ever had. After the pizza I went for the meatball sandwich. The sandwich wasn't bad, but there wasn't anything real memorable about it. It was just kind of a generic meatball sandwich in which there was nothing special. Also, the meatballs were a bit dry. It wasn't horrible, there just wasn't much to it in my opinion. Anytime I come down a little negative on a place I want it to be clear that you should still go to the place and try it yourself!!! So, got to Antonucci's!!! In fact I would like to try some of their pasta dishes and I likely will return to do that!!!!! Also, they have a nice lounge area to have a cocktail and watch a game!!!! It's a neat little neighborhood Italian place!!!!! Try it out!!!! Not the worst I've ever had but not the best either. It was OK. I'm glad I tried Antonucci's and the food did satisfy my hunger and Italian food cravings!!!!!!!! Give this place a shot and decide for yourself!!!! Do it!!!!!!!!!!

California Pizza Kitchen: Better Than How a Middle Aged Women Feels Getting Proposed to for the First Time!!!!!!!!

OK, so not too long ago I was on Twitter and CPK said they were giving away free gift cards because they were in a good mood or because I think it was National Random Act of Kindness Day!!!! With that, the gal who runs the Twitter account for CPK liked my tweets, so she decided to reward me with $40 worth of free gift cards to CPK!!!!! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And just so it's clear, the sweetest and most delicious type of food that exists in the entirity of this planet we inhabit, is food that is free!!!!!!!!! It doesn't even matter what type of food it is!!!!! It can be appetizers, tacos, burgers, curry, steak, Klondike Bars, or even corn dogs!!!!!!! As long as the food is free, it's nowhere even close to being short of magnificent!!!!!!!!!! It's an automatic!!!!!!!!!  A truer statement about food has never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been spoken in the history of recorded humanity!!!!!!!!!!... NOT EVER!!!!!!! Saying that free food is the sweetest most delicious type of food there is, is truer than when Colombus proclaimed the world was round, truer than when Galileo stated the earth revolves around the sun, and it's g-damn truer than when St. Thomas Aquinas proved the existence of God due to the Law of Causation!!!!!!! Boom!!!!!!! Owned, haters!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Free food, is the most pulchritudinous thing I personally have ever experienced in this suffering painful world we live in!!!!! You want to better this planet?!?!?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?!?! Give somebody good free food and you are automatically bettering humanity!!!!!!!! Giving free food to me or anybody is what living this life is all about!!!!!!! What a magical, altruistic feeling one receives upon the giving of high quality caloric goodness!!!!!!! Not love from family, affection received from beautiful women, or the wonderful buzz from cold beer on tap on a Friday after 5pm can come anywhere near the experience of gobbling down free fodder given out on Twitter!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!! So, when I got my free $40 worth of CPK gift cards in the mail, I got more excited than a sixteen year old boy poking his eyes through the entrance of a strip club because eating my free CPK pizza was a feeling that comes along not too often!!!!!! And when it does.... BAM!!!! You gotta strike and get the g-damn most out the experience because this g-damn life we have is short!!!!!! You know what I'm sayin' playah?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahhahahahahahaha!!! I mean, lets just say that I was excited,  pumped and ready to cause some food annihilation to CPK that my insides had never before seen or experienced!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
When I walked out to my mailbox that fateful afternoon and saw that a CPK envelope had arrived with my name on it, full well knowing the contents contained my gift cards, I felt like a chunky, unattractive, 34 year old woman, desperate to have a baby, whose insecure boyfriend had just been proposed to her!!!!  I was giddy with adrenaline flowing through my heart and veins and became light headed and flustered!!!!! This was an absolute dream come true for me, like a childhood fantasy being consummated!!!!!!!! Free pizza from CPK!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
When I opened that glorious envelope and when my gift cards slid out of that folded paper, I just sat on my couch and held those cards in my hands like a relapsed alcoholic holds a shot glass full of Jameson between his fingers finally partaking in that liquid treasure that he'd had been missing from his life for so so long!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't matter if he has to go back in to rehab or answer to his accountability partners later that week at the AA meeting!!!!! It just felt so right holding it there in my hands!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, to make a long story short, that night I drove down to the CPK I happened to be near in Newport and decided to go with three CPK pizzas!!!!!!!!! I hadn't been to CPK in years and I coundn't wait to partake in this free baked Italian feast compliments of CPK themselves!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I decided to go for the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage, Roasted Garlic and Chicken, and Habenero Carnitas!!!!! And and and... I didn't share them with anybody!!!!!!! They were all for me!!!!!! I know I know... I'm a selfish gluttonous pig... But I'm proud of who I am!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I juxtaposed my pizzas and started to go to work!!!!!!! As I felt the dough, cheese and toppings jump through my mouth, like clothes in a washing machine, those dreams and expectations I had had about my free CPK pizza were coming true!!!! Each of these pies was simply fantastic!!!! The quality of the dough was brilliant, the cheese was plenty gooey, while the toppings and sauce complimented everything so so well!!!!!! Probably my favorite was the Habenero Carnitas!!!!! Carnitas on pizza?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Genius!!!!!! Absolutely and utterly genius, CPK!!!!!! Come out for an encore!!!!!! We're all standing and clapping!!!!!! Come back out!!!! Play another song for us!!!!!!! One more!!!!!! Play one more!!!!! We want an encore from the Habenero Carnitas Pizza, CPK!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! And and and... the Habenero Carnitas pie came with salsa!!!!! Gosh damn, I could've eaten 45 inches of that Habenero Carnitas pizza smothered in their salsa!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!!!! The Garlic Chicken was plenty delicious as well and the Mushroom Pepperoni and Sausage could hold it's own with any high powered pizza joint in the country!!!!!!!!! When I had finished all of my pizza's, I felt like a beached whale and could barely even stand up and walk out of the place!!!!!! My eyes became bloodshot red and I wanted to just place my forehead down on my table and take a nap right then and there!!!! If the Red Cross had been around wanting me to donate blood, the phlegbotomist probably could've just poked a hole in my gut and drawn from there because I think all eight pints of my blood happened to be sitting in my stomach after my CPK meal!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
CPK, I am grateful for your generosity!!!!!! To be honest, if I hadn't gotten those gift cards from you via Twitter, I don't know when I would've ever been back to visit!!!!! Your pizza is fabulous and of a high quality!!!!!!!!!! My advice to those who read this: Get on over to CPK and pound down pies like your trying to tendorize meat!!!!!! So good and so fulfilling!!!!! Do it now!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Pizzamania: Going Loco!!!!

In talking to people from the east coast who now live in Southern California, I hear the comment time and time again from them that the pizza one will find out here in the west is exponentially inferior to what you can find in places like New York, Philadelphia or New Jersey!!! Apparentely it has something to do with the water in the east!!!! I always thought that Los Angeles put out some pretty honorable pizza in relation to the rest of the country!!! So, in hearing the trash talk about pizza in So. Cal, and being that I am prideful of where I'm from, I've decided to try to make my way up to Los Angeles when I get the chance to sample some of the cheesy, baked crust, Italian excellence in the second largest media market in this great country of ours and see if it really is comparatively sub-par to what one will find elsewhere!!!! It's been awhile since I've been back east or to Italy, but I think I can tell where we're at here in LA when it comes to our pies!!!!!
I happened to be driving back home the other day from San Gabriel (home of Petrillo's which has excellent pizza), and noticed that I would be pretty close to an eating establishment that is rated as a top-10 pizza place in the Los Angeles market according to Urbanspoon... Pizzamania in Whittier!!!!!
I mean, what a great name - Pizzamania!!!!It's like, I'm going maniacal for pizza and there's a movement of deeply committed, non-rational people who will act without thinking in regard to the food put out by Pizzamania!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hell, I'd probably fit right in and find my niche in life if that were truly the case when it comes to the patrons of Pizzamania!!!!! Let's start a damned revolution over food because it's something that is worth fighting for and giving ones life for!!!!!! I'm a bit maniacal myself when it comes to eating, especially when eating tasty good pizza, and if that's what Pizzamania is all about, then consider me a foot soldier in the food revolution!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Is this making sense to anybody?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, me neither!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So while I was driving down the 605, I exited Telegraph Rd., and as exited the offramp and began looking around at my surroundings, everything seemed strangly familiar to me!!! It was like I was having dejavu, like I had been in this area in a past life!!! I drove by a place called Maggie's Pub and I wanted to say that I had been there before, maybe had a meal or a beer, but I didn't know for sure!!!! Anyway, when I pulled into the parking lot of Pizzamania in Whittier I saw that there were people spilling out into the parking lot either waiting for a table, or waiting to pick up their pies that had been ordered over the phone previously that evening!!!! A good sign, I suppose, for this food being virtuous and of heroic proportions!!!!! But at the same time, I was going to have to wait!!!! Dammit!!!!!! Whatever, it's fine!!!! I recalled the words of St. Pauls letter to the Galatians about sowing patience, so I waited in line patiently to place my order!!! I could've just called in the order, but I wanted to look at the menu!!!!
When I walked through the doors of Pizzamania and looked around, I again began to have this feeling of dejavu!!!!!! What the hell?!?!?! "Damn, this place looks familiar!!!! Have I been here before?!?!?!?!?!?!?!," I thought. As I walked through the dining room, past the bar, and saw that the pizza was being tossed and baked right behind the lovely young ladies who were taking orders, it all came back to me like the Prodigal Son returning to his father!!!! I had in fact been to Pizzamania!!!!! But when and with who and why?!?!?!?! Many years ago, I dated a girl who grew up in Whittier and I think one day after visiting her family we came to Pizzamania!!!! I can't exactly remember the details, but I had in fact been to Pizzamania before!!!!! It totally blew my mind!!!!!! And you know, it then brought back memories of her, my ex girlfriend, Elissa!!!! I started to get kind of sad as I thought about my old girlfriend and how things ended between us!!! She was a really really nice girl, and pretty hot, but she smothered me and at the end of the day she wanted to get married and I wasn't ready to pull the trigger at that point in my life!!!!!! And and and... I was an a-hole!!! Needless to say, it didn't work out!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! But being back at Pizzamania was trippin' me out!!!!! I was trippin' like Tre in Boyz n' the Hood!!!!! "Tre, you trippin'!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK, enough of that!!! After I had looked over the menu and when I finally got to the counter to order, I decided to go with a medium Special which had on it pepperoni, ham, mushroom,onions, and green peppers!!! I remember my ex-girlfriend telling me the day we were at Pizzamania that there was this really overweight guy, who had slimmed down, who was the owner and would toss the dough every day himself!!!! She pointed him out to me the day we were there many years ago!!! Just a random fact that was rekindled!!!!! In fact, a lot of old memories have been rekindled on account of my visit to Pizzamania and I've now begun to think of my ex-girlfriend often and I wonder how she's doing these days?!?!?! I've looked for her on Facebook, Twitter and even called her old home number, but to no avail!!!! Elissa if you're out there... I love you!!!!!! I was so stupid to break up with you!!!!! I was immature and confused!!!!!! Please, take me back!!!!!! We can make it, Baby!!!! You an me!!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaa hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, I don't think the owner was there that night, but I could've been wrong!!!! After I had placed my order, I had quite a bit of down time in the cramped waiting room filled with other Pizzamania customers wanting to get their overeating on with Pizzamania!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! After awhile, they called my name and being that there was no traffic on the freeway, I sped home as fast as I could as I longed to be alone with my pizza just as much as I longed for another moment alone with my ex-girlfriend!!!! Damn I miss her!!!!!
As I pulled into my driveway, I carried my Pizzamania box up to my bedroom and across the threshold, like it was our wedding night and we were about to make sweet passionate love to one another!!!!! When I opened the box, everything smelled magnificent!!!! From the freshly melted mozzeralla, to the spiciness of the sauce, to the warm oven-baked crust, to the high quality ingredients, everything looked and smelled utopian!!!! My next step was to turn on the TV and find something to watch that would compliment the eating of my Pizzamania pizza!!!! Usually a show like Diners Drive-Ins and Dives, Man vs. Food, or No Reservations is the perfect amenity to eating sublime tasting food while you are emaciated and in need of an abundance of caloric intake!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Reruns of Man vs. Food happened to be on which made my meal with Pizzamania one of the most unforgettable instances in the history of my life!!!!! With each bite of Pizzamania pizza I took, a bubble of their spicy pizza sauce would pop up through the melted cheese like a puss ball escaping from a ripe zit on one's back!!! OK, maybe that's an unappetizing example, but you get my point, right?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! This pizza was superb and in fact was making me a bit manical!!!!! I started text messaging and e-mailing a bunch of border line innapropriate comments to people that I was not that close to!!!! Like associates at work and friends of friends on Facebook!!!!!! It was like I had just downed a bunch of alcoholic beverages and had lost every single ounce of good judgement and common sense that was in me!!!! I was a maniac because I was eating Pizzamania!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I mean, that's what the flavors and quality of this pizza has the potential to do to you!!!! You'll go crazy!!!!!!! Excellent sauce, fresh cheese, quality dough, and beautiful tasting meats and veggies!!!!!! This is no doubt a top-10 LA pizza joint!!!!!! I honestly and truly believe that you could take this pizza and put it next to the top pizzas on the east coast and Pizzamania would hold it's own!!!!!! Pizzamania could stand in the g-damn ring or octagon and exchange blows or roll around on the ground with any pizza from the east coast!!!!! You hear that New York?!?!?!?!?! You hearing this?!?!?!?!?! We're not scared!!!!! We don't care!!!!! As Mike "the Situation" Sorrentino shouted and proclaimed just before his scuffle with Ronnie, "Let's do this!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Pizzamania is fantastic!!!! The citizens of Whittier have been blessed by the Almighty in having this fine eating establishment in their town!!!! And Elissa, if you're out there, call me!!!!!! Send me a message!!!!!! I'll come for you!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Homeslice Pizza: It's 4:20 Somewhere!!!!!

When I arrived in Durango, I was under the impression that it would be a town filled with hillbillies, cowboys, and those guys that wear plaid button down shirts tucked in to their dark blue Wranglers with bright orange trucker hats and those massive belt buckles with some ridiculous saying or tacky artistry!!!! Well, Durango does indeed have that particular element to it!!! However, one of the huge surprises I encountered upon spending a few days in this historic southwestern Colorado mountain town, is that Durango is no doubt one of the crunchiest cities I have ever been to!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Berkeley California, Eugene Oregon, Humboldt and now.... Durango Colorado!!!! Oh yes indeed, Durango, Colorado belongs in the conversation when talking about cities filled with the most Cruchy Groovers per capita!!!! I don't know if there's any sort of official demographic or statistic regarding cruchy groovers, but everywhere I looked in Durango there was some dude or chick with freshly burned dreads wearing a nose ring with glassy eyes glaring into nothingness due to the potent Moroccan hashish they likely blazed down just a few moments earlier!!!!! My guess is that Durango would be in a high percentile nationally in regards to crunchy groovers!!! Oh, and the crunchy groover women would wear these baggy jeans underneath retro sundresses made in the 70's that were probably bought at some run down thrift store while they would give off this God-awful earthy homeless scent likely due to not showering for an extended period of time!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love crunchy groovers with their earthiness and care-free attitude!!!!!! It was a welcome surprise for me as I arrived in Durango and thought I would be surrounded by nothing but red-necked mountain trash all week!!!!!!
Now, when I was walking down College Dr. one day, I noticed Homeslice Pizza!!! There were a couple of things that made Homeslice stand out to me!!!!! Number one was its appearence: given the building it was in (which looked like a house that somebody probably lived in at some point), the design of the patio with  branches wrapping around their wooden deck, and the crunchy groovers loitering out in front, it stuck out to me as a very intriguing and unique looking pizza place!!! The second thing I noticed was that it was directly next door to a neighborhood pot dispensary!!!!!!!!! Not even kidding!!!!! No wonder why there were some many crunchy groovers hanging around!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After you get your bags of ganja from the dispensary next door and smoke a few bowls, you get the munchies, right?!?!?!?!?!?! And what better way to assuage your cannabis induced appetite than smashing down a large pizza from Homeslice?!?!?!?!?! What an absolutely brilliant marketing strategy by Homeslice Pizza!!!!! Absolutely and utterly genius!!!!!!!!
Look, I'm not a crunchy groover and I don't smoke weed, but after walking by Homeslice Pizza a couple of times, I just had to try it (the pizza that is)!!! When I walked through the doors the interior had a very artsy, progressive feel to it!!! And not surprisingly, there were some crunchy groovers gathered around a table in a corner downing multiple slices of pie as well as a crunchy groove girl working behind the counter taking orders!!!!
On the night I visited Homeslice I went for a 16" with half pepperoni, garlic, and jalepeno, and the other half with sausage, mushroom, and tomato!!!! When my pie came out of the oven, I took it back to where I was staying and proceeded to annihilate every last bite of my Homeslice pizza!!!!! This was a beautiful beautiful pizza!!!! The toppings were of a high quality and incredibly fresh, while the crust was absolutely perfect!!!! The crust had a nice crunch on the outside and was soft in the middle which made it easy to consume!!! Hey, something just occured to me, the pizza at Homeslice is a lot like a crunchy groover: crunchy on the outside, but when you talk with them and get to know them, they are kind hearted people!!!! Soft, if you will!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Also, they used just the right amount of sauce!!! Not too much, but not too little!!!!! 
Homeslice Pizza puts out transcendent doughy pizza goodness that has the capability to send all those who eat it into another reality!!!! Oh wait, that might be the THC running through your system!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But Homeslice is damn good food and perhaps can serve as an alternative to pot smokers who are looking for that powerful buzz in life!!!! .... Probably not though!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
It seems to me that there are some businesses in this country that are recession proof that there will always be a market for: the funeral business, the wedding business, the prom business, and....  pizza restaurants right next door to pot dispensaries!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Brilliant business savvy, Homeslice, brilliant I say!!!!!!
If you're ever in Durango be sure to make your way over to Homeslice Pizza!!!!! This is quality pizza made by crunchy groovers for crunchy groovers!!!! And who better knows what it takes to satisfy hunger than a crunchy groover?!?!?!?!?! .... Nobody!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I loved my visit to Homeslice!!!!!! When in Durango, do this place!!!!!!! And and and and... if you can get a prescription for, I don't know.... glaucoma or something, it might make your visit to Homeslice that much better!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I love you Homeslice!!! Do this place!!!!

Tomato Pie Pizza Joint: Impress the Chicks!!!!

When I was driving through Silver Lake, looking for Tomato Pie Pizza Joint, I kept thinking of that line from Swingers when Ron Livingstone asks John Favreau where the bar is they are going to. Favreau responds by saying, "For some reason the cool bars in Hollywood have to be hard to find and have no sign. It's kind of like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret, you know?  You tell a chick you been someplace, it's like braggin' that you know how to find it."

And that is exacly what Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is like!!!! I seriously drove by this place like 5 times!!! There's hardly any signage and it's as though if you've been to Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake, then you're in on some kind of a secret!!!! G-dammit I was getting pissed though! I had the address written down right in front of me, I was staring right at the damn building, but I had no idea it was Tomato Pie Pizza Joint I was staring at!!! But whatev!! I ended up finding it, so all is good!!I guess I'm now in on the secret!!!!! Chick's will dig that I now know this place, right?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

In many pizza publications I have read, and on shows presented by either Food Network or Travel Channel, Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake is commonly regarded as one of the finest pizza's in the entire country!!!! Hell, maybe in the entire world!!!! It’s always on everybody's top 10 list!!! Being that I live within driving distance to Silver Lake, I owed it to myself.... no no no no no... I owed it to society, to sample this pizza and see if I truly did live within the presence of  pure greatness!!!

When I finally found the front door, the only thing I had in my mind to order was a pizza called the Tomato Pie which is simply, dough, sauce, and parmesean cheese!!! That's it!! Apparently the Tomato Pie is what has put this place on the map and has caused many a pizza conniseur to place TPPJ in their top 10 of all time!!! I have either or heard or read comment after comment about the championship caliber of the Tomato Pie pizza!!!! In walking up to the counter, they had all of their specialty pizzas on display in the front for those who would want to order only a slice and all of them looked utterly delicious!!!! I stood there at the front staring at the menu and pizzas for a good twenty minutes trying to figure out what I wanted!!! Oh God, the pressure!!! But the guy behind the counter, who was extremely friendly, told me to take my time in deciding!!!! There's no rush, he said!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! As I glared at the menu and at the pizzas behind the glass, I swear to God I felt like George W. Bush in 2002 when he was weighing the decision to go to war with Iraq!!!!!! This decision about what pizza to order was going to be absolutely massive for me and had the potential to change the course of my entire existence as well as my legacy as a human being!!!!! The type of anticipation I felt in wanting to eat this pizza was like a Mormon anticipating the moment he would lie with his wife for the very first time!!!! But like G.W., I was torn!! I may regret some of the decisions I made that day at Tomato Pie Pizza Joint with my ordering, but I don't have time to live with  regrets!!!!!! I stand by my decision wholeheartedly!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I ended up ordering a medium Tomato Pie as well as a medium Mr. White, which was cheese, garlic, oil, ricotta, and a hell of a lot of grease!!!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!! I also added  an order of garlic knotts!!!!

I initially ordered all of my food to go, but the smell of pizza exuding  from the oven in the other room was emitting such a glorious scent, that I decided I needed to eat this pizza right then and there!!! The hunger pangs just grew too much for   me to resist and the second they called my number I snatched my pies from the hands of the LA hipster who had just pulled them out of the oven, took a seat in a booth, and began shoveling slices of pizza into my face like a Cal Trans worker  shovels gravel onto a newly resurfaced highway!!!! First off, I've gotta say that sauce/crust combination with the parmesean of the Tomato Pie was immensely pleasing to my palette!!! Great crispy crust and marvelous sauce!!!!! But I didn't want to eat it all then and there, I wanted to save some of this pizza for later, for a private moment alone in my room!!! You know, just me and the pizza!!!! Can you understand that?!?!?!?!? Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! So, I hopped into my car, jumped onto the 405 and began hurrying home as quickly as I possibly could!!! But that damned LA traffic always ruins your life each and every time you encounter it!!! I mean, it doesn't matter what day of the week it is or what time of day it is, there is always bumper to bumper to traffic in some part of LA at any given moment!!!! Free your people, Gov. Brown!!!! Liberate your citizens Mayor Villaragosa!!!! Attention Great Britian!!!! Invade the United States immediately and force our leaders to build us some sort of mass public transportation system so we can all move about freely!!!!! We are an oppressed people in Southern California!!!! Please help us!!!! Somebody do something about this traffic!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! As I sat in gridlock for what felt like hours on end: clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break... eventually the smell of my Tomato Pie  and Mr. White simply became irrisistable!!!!  I so badly wanted that private moment with Tomato Pie in the comfort of my own home, but in a moment of extreme weakness, I lost all self-control and began picking up slice after slice of my Tomato Pie Pizza Joint pizza, practically crumpling it up like a piece of used notebook paper, and stuffing it into my anger filled mouth while sitting in horrendous LA traffic!!! Clutch, gas, break, bite, clutch, gas, break, bite, napkin wipe,  bite, bite, bite, bite, napkin wipe, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break.... Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I found  that the flavors of the Tomato Pie and the Mr. White complimented each other so so nicely!!! I went back and forth back and forth!!!!! One slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White, one slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I was a little dissapointed in myself for lacking in self-control and not being able to wait until I got home to eat my pizza, but I gotta say, after I finished eating in traffic, suddenly, life wasn't all that bad!!!! There was a certain healing and contentment this pizza  brought about!!! I just felt real... chill, you know?  Thank you Tomato Pie!!!!

Look, I like to write positive things and give hyperbolic statements regarding the many fine eateries I've visited. I'll say this; Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is fantastic pizza!!!! When in the Hollywood/Silver Lake area, do this place! But is this place among the top 10 pizzas in all of the US?!?! Honestly, I'd have to say, no... But it's good and I give Tomato Pie Pizza joint my full endorsement!!!! (Whatever the hell that's worth!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!) Silver Lake possesses a beautiful thing in Tomato Pie Pizza Joint!!!! If you eat here, your life will be better for it!!! And and and... You'll impress the chicks!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Do this place, and do it hard!!!!!!!! You're so money and you don't even know it!!!!