Chunk-n-Chip: Manna From Heaven!!!!!

I'm starting to pick up a little bit of momentum and confidence when it comes to food trucks!!! I've been visiting many of them for some months now, but have only just been getting small samples of what they have to offer and haven't had many serious meals from them!!!! However, not long ago I came across the Chunk-n-Chip ice-cream sandwich truck, by accident believe it or not, at a food truck gathering here in Orange County and almost instantaneously fell in love!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Chunk-n-Chip specializes in homemade ice-cream sandwiches and hands down they are some of the sweetest, most delectable, flavorful creations of baked sweet sugary goodness that exists in this fair country of ours!!!!!! This truck reminds me of Diddy Riese in Westwood, and though Diddy Riese is amazing and I would absolutely never ever ever ever ever disparage those fine desert concoctions that the UCLA student body and faculty frequents and is no doubt a Los Angeles institution, Chunk-n-Chip I would say is a bit more creative and edgy with their ice-cream sandwiches!!!! Chunk-n-Chip has many distinct cookie creations as well as unique ice-cream flavors and when you put the two of them together, forget it!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Has anybody seen that movie Stripes with Bill Murray and Harold Ramis?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! "Lee Harvey.... You are a madman!!!!.... That time that you made it with the cow?!?!?! The two of us together, forget it!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Anyway, the other day with my belly filled with the salty, fatty, greasy bar food goodness that one sucks down while tipping multiple pints of Samuel Adams Summer Ale on a hot muggy summer afternoon, I began craving something savory and sweet!!!!! With the knowledge via Twitter that Chunk-n-Chip would be down in the Orange County area from Los Angeles, I just couldn't pass this opportunity up to have one of their sando's!!!!! I mean, I couldn't pass the opportunity up to have Chunk-n-Chip anymore than Rahcel Uechetel could pass up on the opportunity of wrecking Tiger Woods' marriage and then extorting many millions of dollars out of him to stay silent and not reveal any of the juicy details of their love affair!!!!!! How'd that one work out for you, Tiger?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I know I know... Home wreckers are bad!!!!!
The Chunk-n-Chip ice cream truck I saw was going to be at Beckman High School in Irvine, and though I had to drive a little ways, it wasn't too far for me to make my way down there!!! The day I was at Beckman HS getting ready to pulverize Chunk-n-Chip sandwiches like Mike Tyson did to Robin Givens, it was hot and humid and drops of sweat were sliding to the edge of my nose and dripping to the ground with each step I took!!! My shirt was soaked with moisture and it felt like I was riding on a riverboat casino across the Delta in Tunica, Mississippi!!!!! I mean, damn it was hot and muggy!!!! And to shove down multiple freezing cold ice-cream sandwiches to bring my core temperature to a reasonable level sounded magnificent and refreshing!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So, when I walked up to the Chunk-n-Chip truck I ordered a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with rocky road ice-cream, as well as a chocolate brownie cookie sandwich with a white chocolate ice-cream in the middle!!!! At Chunk-n-Chip, they refer to their sandwiches as "Boo-Yah's!" At first I though it was kind of funny that Chunk-n-Chip names their dessert products after a tacky hip-hop saying from the early 90's... but whatever! To each their own!!! After trying a "Boo-Yah" I'm kind of used to the name and have warmed up to the notion of calling Chunk-n-Chip sandwiches "Boo-Yah's!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Mad love Chunk-n-Chip!!! First off, the chocolate chip cookie sandwich! The cookies were absolutely divine!!! Like, it was manna from heaven that Moses had called down from above after leading the Israelites through the wilderness when they were starving and out of food!!!! These cookies were so warm and gooey, and with that rocky road, it made for one of the most delicious ice-cream sandwiches, ever!!!!!!!! No lie!!!!!!! There were chocolate stains all over my face and hands from the warm melted chocolate chips, and constantly I had to lick my fingers and wipe my face with each bite I took!!!!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!! Next I moved on to the brownie cookie with white chocolate ice-cream!!!! Again, this cookie was simply stunning to taste when it entered my mouth!!! It was so sweet and delicious and combined with a certain chunkiness of the white chocolate ice-cream I would've been open to kneeling down to and offering human sacrifices to the Chunk-n-Chip truck had I not known any better or if this world we live in were completely uncivilized, free from Spanish Catholic influence!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Afterwards, when my Chunk-n-Chip sando's were completely consumed, my sweet tooth was satisfied to the fullest extent possible!!!!! Also, when I payed for my sandwiches, the lovely young lady taking orders asked me for my phone number, but I think it was because she needed it for my credit card transaction!!!! Either way, it made me feel like a stud, and made my trip to Chunk-n-Chip even more memorable!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Anytime you see the Chunk-n-Chip truck, you owe it to yourself to get over to them and pound their lovely dessert sando's to no end!!!!!! Do it!!!!!! You will be filled with the presence of God!!!!!!! I love you Chunk-n-Chip!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Pink's Hot Dogs: Everybody Should Go At Least Once!!!!

I'm obsessed with Hot Dogs!!!!! I don't know how else to say it or what to do with myself!!!! I am absolutely obsessed and consumed with sampling the finest tubed meat sticks that exist in this world!!! I mean, I'm more obsessed with eating a boat load of fine tasting hot dogs these days than Amnon was obsessed with lying with his half sister Tamar!!!!! The only difference is that I don't feel any regret or experience any personality change after I envelop those dogs through my lips and push them down into my famished, undernourished abdominal pouch!!!!!!!!! And hopefully Absalom won't come looking to kill me either!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
So I was up in LA the other day, driving up La Brea, when I passed Pinks and saw that there was hardly a line at all!!!!! What?!?!?!?!?!?! The last time I was here I literally had to wait in line for 45 minutes with a bunch of Kansas tourists and movie studio techie nerds to make it to the counter to place my order!!!!! That was years ago and I told myself I would never ever do that again!!!!!! But with the line so short and my obsession with hot dogs at an all time high, it occurred to me that I could experience Pink's Hot Dogs for what it was really worth and not have to deal with the dog and pony show that usually accompanies this place!!!!! With that, I made a left turn into the parking lot of Pink's and decided that some hot dog carnage would be taking place in the very near future!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I don't need to tell you that Pink's is a total tourist trap!!!!! It's right across the street from Paramount Studios and lined on almost every square inch of the wall in their dining room is a signed photo of a Hollywood celebrity!!!! It's pretty cool actually!!!!! They have many unique hot dog concoctions and this place is seriously on TV like every single day!!!! From Bank of America commercials to Eye on LA to Travel Channel and Food Network, I've seen more specials on Pinks Hot Dogs than I have Dateline episodes of Chris Hansen interviewing internet child predators!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! With that, you owe it to yourself at least once to try this place out just to say you ate there!!!!!!!
With a short line and wait time, it was on between me and Pink's!!!!! I hadn't eaten anything all day and I was completely and utterly starving and could not wait to clog these dogs down my throat and satisfy the hunger that had been brewing within me all day long!!!! When I got to the counter I ordered a Guadalajara Dog which comes with relish, onions, tomatoes, and sour cream, a Lord of the Rings Dog which comes with barbeque sauce and onion rings, and an Emeril Dog which had cole slaw, mustard, onions, jalapenos, bacon, and American cheese!!!!! I also had an order of fries!!!!!!! When the food was ready and I took my tray to my table, I looked down at my plate of hot dogs and starchy goodness, and the only thing that came to mind to say was to repeat the immortal words of New York Jets linebacker, Bart Scott: "Can't Wait!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I started off with the Guadalajara Dog!!! This was a good dog!!!! The combination of toppings were pleasing to the palette!!! I had never had sour cream on a hot dog before and it proved to be part a magical formula in the realm of hot dog toppings!!! It was very unique and I was beginning to think, "Hey, maybe it is worth it to wait 45 minutes for this food!!!" Next up was the Lord of the Rings Dog!!! Again, a very unique combination of toppings: barbeque sauce and onion rings!!! Never had it before!!!!! But it was good!!!!!!! The onion rings were tasty and the bbq sauce tangy!!! Combined with the dog, it was a masterful culinary creation!!!!!! Lastly was the Emeril Dog with the cole slaw, bacon, jalapenos, mustard, onions, and American cheese!!!!! When I lifted this dog up to my face, I could barely fit my mouth around it!!!! I got cole slaw smeered all over my nose and cheeks!!!!! It was beautiful!!!!!!!! Again, wonderful creativity and flavor combinations that made this dog work!!!!!!! I liked the creativity and out of the box thinking of Pink's when it comes to their menu items!!!!! Also, I thought the fries were some of the best I've ever had!!!!!! The were so g-damn good!!!!! Or was it the ketchup?!?!?!?!?! The ketchup has a kind of tanginess to it that made me want to scoop that pasty sugary tomato slop into my hands and just eat it like it was Ethiopian food!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
The only draw back for me with Pink's is that these dogs are Hoffy hot dogs. When I was a young boy you could buy Hoffy hot dogs at the super market. Without getting into details, I didn't have the most pleasant childhood and as I ate these Hoffy dogs, it reminded me of childhood memories that weren't so great which kind of put a damper on everything. I wasn't abused or anything, it just wasn't a great childhood. I then started thinking about family that I've grown distant from who are now getting older and thought "maybe I should try to reconnect with them in some way"... OK, nobody wants to hear this...
Overall, I liked Pink's! The dogs tasted good and they did well in satisfying my hunger!!!! I would also say there are places that are better for hot dogs. However, if you are in LA, it's a fun place to eat and visit and like I said, everybody should come here at least once to say they did it!!!! Are they worth waiting in line 45 minutes for?!?!?!?! I don't know about that... But come on a weekday like Tuesday or Wednesday at like 4pm and the line shouldn't be too bad!!!!!!! When you come, eat hard and don't hold back!!!!!! Do it with no regrets!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Grill Em All: Obey Your Master!!!!!!

So I guess I'm a Johnny Come Lately when it comes to the whole food truck scene!!!! Every time I think of a food truck, my mind immediately goes to a bunch of gardeners laying on a freshly cut lawn of green grass they have just finished working on while a roach coach is pulled up along side of them pushing cheaply prepared sandwiches and God knows what else for their lunch breaks!! Hey, God bless those who keep our parks and lawns tidy and neat!!! They deserve a break after working hard all day out in the hot sun!!!!! However, I've never been compelled to spend my money or waste a meal on food that comes from a food truck!!! Call me a snob or whatever, but it just doesn't sound too appetizing to me!!!! But with the rise of the food truck scene and with myriad food trucks lavishing their fusion gourmet cuisine onto the Southern California eating scene, I decided it was time I get with the times and try some of them out!!!!!! Hey, the Church over time has gotten with it by now ordaining women, looking the other way at pre-marital sex, and now marrying homosexual couples!!!!! If the church can get with it when it comes to certain social issues, well then, I can get with it when it comes to expanding my horizons when it comes to eating at a g-damn food truck for lunch!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Look, I'm aware those above statements about the Church will be deemed offensive to some, so just pull the wadded cotton panties out from your crack and know that I'm just trying to have fun!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Anyway, one of the contributing factors that led me to the realization that food trucks are actually puting out some pretty dignified cuisine has to do with the Food Network show called The Great Food Truck Race!!! To be honest, I think reality TV is obnoxious and substandard programming at best and I've always thought Americans' love of reality TV was a sad commentary on our intellectual and moral reputation to the rest of the civilized and uncivilized world!!!! Reality TV is idiotic in my opinion!!! However, being that a lot of the food truck contestants on The Great Food Truck Race were from Orange County and being that the food they were serving would look nothing short of salivating, into the The Great Food Truck Race did I get sucked, much like Paris Hilton's boyfriend did in that bootlegged home video of the two of them after a long night of boozing at the Hollywood clubs!!!! Did I just cross the line there?!?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, maybe I did!!! I apologize to my under 18 demographic!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! OK OK, I'll clean it up!!!!

OK! So, I didn't watch season 1 of the The Great Food Truck Race, but I had heard that the Grill Em All Truck was the victor of this inaugural food truck competition and that they in fact set up shop in multiple locations all around the Southern California area!!!! After following them on Twitter for a little while, I waited until they were going to be somewhat close to me and then, BAM!!!! The Grill Em All Truck and my empty stomach and hearty appetite were going to clash much like Megadeth, Slayer, and Suicidal Tendencies clashed while on that one tour in the fall of 1990!!!!!!!!! Just to give you a little bit of context leading up to my visit to Grill Em All, I had been drinking heavily the night before!!! Like really heavily!!!!! I like to drink beer and imbibe in a few glasses of wine a couple of times a week, but that's about the extent of it!!!! But on this particular night, I think I had more to drink then I ever had in my entire life!!!!!!! Not on the night I turned 21, not during my bachelor party, nor the time I went on a bender in Vegas with some friends from college, had I ever had more to drink than on the night before I ate at Grill Em All!!!! No no no no no no!!!! This night conquered all of them!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! The drink of choice for us all was something called an Oatmeal Cookie!!! OK, I don't particularly care for hard liquor or cocktails and I'm not even that familiar with the many different cocktails that exist, but Oatmeal Cookies.... Shesus!!!!!!! I mean with each shot I took it was like the Pepperidge Farm baker was there giving us sample after sample after sample after sample after sample after sample of that warm gooey baked sugary cookie batter benevolence!!!!! The only problem was was that there was an s-load of alcohol in each shot!!!! Holy God!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Needless to say, when I woke up on my living room floor the next morning with my face down on the hardwood tile, I had a splitting headache, was completely disoriented, and was still a little inebriated from the alcohol leftover in my system from the night before!!!!!!! When I pushed myself up off the floor, and after emptying half of the five gallon Arrowhead water container in the kitchen and gulping down a pot and a half of coffee, I slowly started coming to my senses and began tofeel the booze wearing off!!!!! Whoooooooaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Being that my post drinking hunger was occuring that morning, as opposed to the night before, and after pushing myself up off the floor, I somehow remembered Grill Em All wasn't gonna be that far away from me that afternoon!! So, I grabbed my wallet and off I went to see Grill Em All at a local park!!!!!

When I got there, they weren't quite open yet, but a substantial line had been forming with eaters waiting expectantly for the Grill Em All burgers made famous through not only their taste, but through their victory on The Great Food Truck Race!!!! Being that they weren't open, I had some time to look over the menu, strategize if you will, and figure out how I was going to best use up every last square inch of real estate in my devoid, alochol diluted stomach!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

One of the things I noticed is that food trucks, most all the gourmet food trucks that is, are kind of pricy!!!!! I mean, make a trip to the damn Wells Fargo ATM or take out a small loan before you visit one of these mobile food vendors because it's expensive!!!! But after looking at the menu, it was as if I was just walking back from the bars and anything greasy, salty, cheesy, or fatty sounded absolutely delicious and divine!!!!!!! I mean, grilled gourmet burgers?!?!?!?!?! I couldn't have picked a better time to visit the Grill Em All truck!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Eventually, I decided on the Witte (wit-e) which had cream cheese, deep fried bacon, beer sauteed onion, and a vinegar aioli!!!! This burger... was awesome!!!! There is something about cream cheese on burgers that is absolutely genious and simply put, works!!! I mean, it works like taking your kids cell phone away from them works when they talk back to you so as to teach them a lesson to never speak to their parents in a disrespectful way again!!!!! This was a beautiful hangover recovery burger!!!!! But, being that I was still walking back from the bars so to speak, I wasn't done!!!!!!! Next, I went for the Behemoth!!!!! This was I believe the largest and most expensive burger on their menu!!!!! The Behemoth consisted of grilled cheese sandwhiches that served as buns, cheddar cheese, bacon, beer soaked onions, pickles and bbq sauce!!!!!! When I first saw the Behemoth my first thought was, "this is so unnecessary and so over the top... But it's so ingenious!!!!!!!!!!!!" On both the Witte and Behemoth, the beef, bacon and beer soaked onions were absolutely extraordinary!!!!!! I mean, as I sat on my park bench eating my burgers, I kept saying to myself, "I can't tell if this is truth or dream!!! Am I actually experiencing this or is this a fantasy? Because if it's a dream, I never want to go back to reality!!!! Hold my breath as I wish for death!!! Please God wake me!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I mean, I could've just died in that moment and woken up at the gates of Heaven knowing full well that when I had exited light after sampling some of the finest fatty hangover prevention food in all of Los Angeles, I had lived life to the fullest with these burgers sitting in my gut!!!!!!  These are absolutely brilliant burgers and it is not a surprise at all that they were the winners and champions of The Great Food Truck Race!!!!!! My advice to you, follow these guys on Twitter and whenever they are even remotely in your area, get your ass over to their master mobile eatery and take it to the face!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Grill Em All rocks, and even though I'm not a heavy metal guy, these burgers are worth whatever price you pay or drive you make!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Tomato Pie Pizza Joint: Impress the Chicks!!!!

When I was driving through Silver Lake, looking for Tomato Pie Pizza Joint, I kept thinking of that line from Swingers when Ron Livingstone asks John Favreau where the bar is they are going to. Favreau responds by saying, "For some reason the cool bars in Hollywood have to be hard to find and have no sign. It's kind of like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret, you know?  You tell a chick you been someplace, it's like braggin' that you know how to find it."

And that is exacly what Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is like!!!! I seriously drove by this place like 5 times!!! There's hardly any signage and it's as though if you've been to Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake, then you're in on some kind of a secret!!!! G-dammit I was getting pissed though! I had the address written down right in front of me, I was staring right at the damn building, but I had no idea it was Tomato Pie Pizza Joint I was staring at!!! But whatev!! I ended up finding it, so all is good!!I guess I'm now in on the secret!!!!! Chick's will dig that I now know this place, right?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

In many pizza publications I have read, and on shows presented by either Food Network or Travel Channel, Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake is commonly regarded as one of the finest pizza's in the entire country!!!! Hell, maybe in the entire world!!!! It’s always on everybody's top 10 list!!! Being that I live within driving distance to Silver Lake, I owed it to myself.... no no no no no... I owed it to society, to sample this pizza and see if I truly did live within the presence of  pure greatness!!!

When I finally found the front door, the only thing I had in my mind to order was a pizza called the Tomato Pie which is simply, dough, sauce, and parmesean cheese!!! That's it!! Apparently the Tomato Pie is what has put this place on the map and has caused many a pizza conniseur to place TPPJ in their top 10 of all time!!! I have either or heard or read comment after comment about the championship caliber of the Tomato Pie pizza!!!! In walking up to the counter, they had all of their specialty pizzas on display in the front for those who would want to order only a slice and all of them looked utterly delicious!!!! I stood there at the front staring at the menu and pizzas for a good twenty minutes trying to figure out what I wanted!!! Oh God, the pressure!!! But the guy behind the counter, who was extremely friendly, told me to take my time in deciding!!!! There's no rush, he said!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! As I glared at the menu and at the pizzas behind the glass, I swear to God I felt like George W. Bush in 2002 when he was weighing the decision to go to war with Iraq!!!!!! This decision about what pizza to order was going to be absolutely massive for me and had the potential to change the course of my entire existence as well as my legacy as a human being!!!!! The type of anticipation I felt in wanting to eat this pizza was like a Mormon anticipating the moment he would lie with his wife for the very first time!!!! But like G.W., I was torn!! I may regret some of the decisions I made that day at Tomato Pie Pizza Joint with my ordering, but I don't have time to live with  regrets!!!!!! I stand by my decision wholeheartedly!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

I ended up ordering a medium Tomato Pie as well as a medium Mr. White, which was cheese, garlic, oil, ricotta, and a hell of a lot of grease!!!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!! I also added  an order of garlic knotts!!!!

I initially ordered all of my food to go, but the smell of pizza exuding  from the oven in the other room was emitting such a glorious scent, that I decided I needed to eat this pizza right then and there!!! The hunger pangs just grew too much for   me to resist and the second they called my number I snatched my pies from the hands of the LA hipster who had just pulled them out of the oven, took a seat in a booth, and began shoveling slices of pizza into my face like a Cal Trans worker  shovels gravel onto a newly resurfaced highway!!!! First off, I've gotta say that sauce/crust combination with the parmesean of the Tomato Pie was immensely pleasing to my palette!!! Great crispy crust and marvelous sauce!!!!! But I didn't want to eat it all then and there, I wanted to save some of this pizza for later, for a private moment alone in my room!!! You know, just me and the pizza!!!! Can you understand that?!?!?!?!? Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! So, I hopped into my car, jumped onto the 405 and began hurrying home as quickly as I possibly could!!! But that damned LA traffic always ruins your life each and every time you encounter it!!! I mean, it doesn't matter what day of the week it is or what time of day it is, there is always bumper to bumper to traffic in some part of LA at any given moment!!!! Free your people, Gov. Brown!!!! Liberate your citizens Mayor Villaragosa!!!! Attention Great Britian!!!! Invade the United States immediately and force our leaders to build us some sort of mass public transportation system so we can all move about freely!!!!! We are an oppressed people in Southern California!!!! Please help us!!!! Somebody do something about this traffic!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! As I sat in gridlock for what felt like hours on end: clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break... eventually the smell of my Tomato Pie  and Mr. White simply became irrisistable!!!!  I so badly wanted that private moment with Tomato Pie in the comfort of my own home, but in a moment of extreme weakness, I lost all self-control and began picking up slice after slice of my Tomato Pie Pizza Joint pizza, practically crumpling it up like a piece of used notebook paper, and stuffing it into my anger filled mouth while sitting in horrendous LA traffic!!! Clutch, gas, break, bite, clutch, gas, break, bite, napkin wipe,  bite, bite, bite, bite, napkin wipe, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break.... Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I found  that the flavors of the Tomato Pie and the Mr. White complimented each other so so nicely!!! I went back and forth back and forth!!!!! One slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White, one slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I was a little dissapointed in myself for lacking in self-control and not being able to wait until I got home to eat my pizza, but I gotta say, after I finished eating in traffic, suddenly, life wasn't all that bad!!!! There was a certain healing and contentment this pizza  brought about!!! I just felt real... chill, you know?  Thank you Tomato Pie!!!!

Look, I like to write positive things and give hyperbolic statements regarding the many fine eateries I've visited. I'll say this; Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is fantastic pizza!!!! When in the Hollywood/Silver Lake area, do this place! But is this place among the top 10 pizzas in all of the US?!?! Honestly, I'd have to say, no... But it's good and I give Tomato Pie Pizza joint my full endorsement!!!! (Whatever the hell that's worth!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!) Silver Lake possesses a beautiful thing in Tomato Pie Pizza Joint!!!! If you eat here, your life will be better for it!!! And and and... You'll impress the chicks!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Do this place, and do it hard!!!!!!!! You're so money and you don't even know it!!!!

Langer's Deli: Worth Risking Your Life For!!!!

To be quite honest, I've never been a huge fan of pastrami!!! I mean, in general it's alright, but it's rarely something I crave when I've been depriving myself of calories and nutrients for days on end!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But but but but but... the legend of Langer's Deli in Los Angeles is... well... legendary and I came to the conclusion that if I'm gonna' truly live my life, then I needed to try Langer's Deli in Los Angeles!!!! Langer's had been calling my name for quite some time!!!! As I woke up one morning last week, knowing I would be at Langers later that day, I stared at myself in the mirror for a good fifteen to twenty minutes and I just kept saying to myself over and over "Let's do this!!!! Let's do this!!!! Let's do this!!!! Let's do this!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!  So, as I was driving up to Santa Anita last week to get my gamble on, I took a little detour and decided the time had arrived for me to sample this pastrami and see if it was truly something of legends!!!! Oh, by the way, I lost my ass at Santa Anita that day!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! But I had fun!!!!
  When I exited 8th Street and drove over towards MacArthur Park, I clearly saw that I was in the wrong part of town!!!! I mean, I was in Pico-Union for Christ's sake, which is I believe one of the poorest neighborhoods in all of Los Angeles!!! As I drove through Pico-Union I said to myself, "this cannot be right! I feel like I'm driving through downtown San Salvador, and is the legendary Langers Deli in this neighborhood?!?!" No disrespect at all to the wonderful Latino community, but I just didn't really think poor immigrants from Central America would be too keen on high priced Jewish deli's!! That was my surprise!!! As I drove by MacArthur Park, there it was on the corner of 7th and Alvarado!!!!! It was like the face of Christ being transfigured before the very eyes of Peter, John and James with beams of bright light shining forth from every direction!!!! Moses and Elijah were there too!!!! It was a heavenly and holy sight to behold!!!! But I swear to God I must have driven around in circles for a good half hour trying to find someplace to park!! That's a knock on this place, the parking situation is a difficult one. I ended up parking in a barrio off of James Woods Drive, and seriously, as I walked away from my 5 year old sedan, I took a long hard look at my car and said, "Well old girl, I may never see you again! You may get stolen and I may have to hitch a ride back home! But Langers is calling me!!!! And I need it!!! And if that means that you and I need to part ways forever, then so be it!!! I'm so sorry, but this is  what it's come to!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! As I walked over on to Alvarado towards MacArthur Park and Langers, in all seriousness, I feared for my life!!! I kept thinking to myself, "What the hell are you, a middle class white guy from Orange County, doing walking through this neighborhood on your own?!?!"  While walking down Alvarado I could hear the mariachi music blaring from overpriced low quality speakers from each flea market stand I passed by!!! With every step I took, I just kept waiting!!! Waiting for some doper, thief, or desperate father to stab me in the kidneys and rob me of all my cash!!!!! I was really scared!!! More than once, I thought about running back to my car and just driving away, but no!!!! Langers was calling!!!! I hear you Langers!!! I hear you calling!!!! I'm coming!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When I finally made it to Langers, I dropped to my knees and thanked YWHW in heaven for sparing my life and bringing me to Langer's unharmed and safe!!! When I got up off of my knees  I walked over to the counter and took a seat!!!! As I popped open the menu I took a long hard look!!!! I poured over and studied that menu like a law student studies for the Bar Exam!!! I was thinking, "this could be my last meal!" After all,  I had to walk back to my car parked on James Woods Dr., the same way I came!!! Who knows what could happen to me!!! I was fully prepared for my life to end on that walk back to my car!!! But Langer's is calling me!!!!! I needed to make this potentially last meal of mine, count!!!! With that, I ordered the #19 which was a pastrami on rye with swiss, cole slaw, and Russian dressing. I also added on a side of large fries!! Let me just say flat out, that if this was the last meal I ever ate in my life, then I would leave this earth completely satisfied, fulfilled and happy!!!! I'd have no regrets at all!!! None whatsoever!!!!! That pastrami with the slaw, cheese, Russian dressing,  on rye was far and away one the most brilliant and delectable culinary creations this planet we live on will ever know.... EVER!!!!! Who the hell cares about making millions of dollars or travelling around the world or making a difference in people's lives!!!!! If you eat a #19 from Langer's, you will leave this world with no regrets at all!!!! At all!!!!! I promise you that!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Johnny Unitas: three time NFL MVP, Steve Yzerman: 10x NHL all star and 4x Stanley Cup Champion, Tony Gwynn: 15x MLB all star and 9x NL batting champion, Lance Allworth 7x AFL all star and 1x Super Bowl champion!!! All of these great athletes wore what number you ask? The #19!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!! You see where I'm going with this?!?!?! Do you see it?!?!?! There is greatness and power in the #19 from Langer's!!!!! There is greatness in the #19 period!!!!! There is a force greater than humanity in the pastrami sandwich at Langer's!!!! That's a fact!!!!!!! An absolute fact!!!!!!!
This food is powerful!!!! As Pico-Union began to change after WWII with the migration of Latino's, Langer's couldn't be moved!!! There is a certain power, an immovable force within this food!!! Just like Josephus and the Jewish Army fought off the Romans at Massada in the 1st century, so too does Langer's posses the power to fight off anything that might threaten the existence of this beautiful beautiful food!!! I know I know, eventually the Jewish army was defeated by those bastard Romans!! I'm just having fun!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Though the Latino community is a truly beautiful thing, it can't move the power of Langer's!!!! Nothing can move Langer's for that matter!!!!!! This food is here to stay!!!! When I finished my sandwich, I walked out to Alvarado, fully expecting to get stabbed by some junkie, but I made it back to my car, which didn't get stolen!!! It was a happy ending to my experience at Langer's!!!! But, I will go back!!!! I will risk my life, even die, for another shot at this food!!!! Is it worth it?!?! Absolutely and completely!!!!! Absoluteley and completeley!!!! Absolutely and completely!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Do this place and do it hard!!!! I love you Langer's!!!!!!

Oki-Dog: So Greasy, So Good!!!!

I was driving through mid-city the other day and I came across Oki-Dog! Actually, I had seen it on TV one night when I was starving so I knee jerkingly added it to my urbanspoon wishlist!!! And if it's on your urbanspoon wishlist, well then you've got to try it, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! There was one thing and one thing only that brought me to OKi-Dog the other day, the Oki-dog with cheese!!!!! I ordered two of them (one to eat there and one for the road). When I first got my Oki dog I ripped off the wrapper with a vengence and just sat and stared at that tortilla filled with cholesterol laden goodness. During those moments of staring at the grease soaked tortilla I just reflected and basked in the beauty of the moment which I was about to partake in!!! When I could stand it no more, I attacked that burrito and tor the head off it like a rottweiller going after a squeaky chew toy!!! Chili began squirting out of the sides of the tortilla like toothpaste running out of its tube!! Chili, grease, and melted cheese began flowing down on to my fingers and into the lap of my jeans!!! But I didn't care!!!! Not one bit!!! With the intense pools of grease, fat, and saltiness that resided in the Oki dog I was brought into a time of extreme bliss!!! Nothing else in the world mattered!!!! Ahahahahahaha!!! Upon eating the Oki-dog all of the problems of my life and the the problems of this world grew strangely dim!!!! After I got a few bites into it, I had to put my sunglasses on due the massive amount of grease on the pastrami!!! The brightness the pastrami was exuding because of the layers of grease on it was blinding!!!!! It was awesome!!!! Some people hate places like this because of the heaviness and greasiness of the food!! Not me, baby!! I thought Oki-Dog was beautiful!!!! When I got home later that night, the OKi-dog I had bought for later was even better than the one I had at the restaraunt. All of the grease, fat, and salt had ample time to just sit and soak and absorb into the meat!!! The Oki-dog I had later affected me like nothing else has in this world!!!!! I'll just say this, This place made me pull a Hasselhoff!! After a few bites I fell to the ground with my Oki-dog in hand and began stuffing my face with it while saying things like, "This is a mess!!!" and "Who said?!?!" and "I'll be fine!!!" and "I nevah have yew!!!" Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! C'mon you've gotta love the Hoff!!

But perhaps one of the great highlights of the night was that right when I was walking out the doors of Oki-dog this guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy some of his hip-hop songs!!! It was classic!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!! Oki-dog is a true gathering place and beacon of light to the community of Los Angeles!!!! This food will affect you like few other places will!!! Have your doctor on call with those angioplasty tubes ready to go after you eat this food!!! But you've gotta live, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Go to Oki-Dog!!! You WILL not regret it!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Burger Continental: An Eating Institution!!!

Burger Continental is hands down one of the greatest institutions in Pasadena history! Maybe in the history of Los Angeles!!! The burgers and all you can eat Mediterranean salad bar are absolutely life changing!!  Plus they give you free chips and salsa on top of all of that!!!! It's a lot of damn food!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I have spent many dollars and many hours in this fine eating establishment either after a UCLA football game or in between classes!! Burger Continental is at the core of my identity as a human being!!! Needless to say, it will always have a special place in my heart!  Be sure to dine in when the belly dancer is there or when the polka band is playing! Ahahahahahaha!!!