Pink's Hot Dogs: Everybody Should Go At Least Once!!!!

I'm obsessed with Hot Dogs!!!!! I don't know how else to say it or what to do with myself!!!! I am absolutely obsessed and consumed with sampling the finest tubed meat sticks that exist in this world!!! I mean, I'm more obsessed with eating a boat load of fine tasting hot dogs these days than Amnon was obsessed with lying with his half sister Tamar!!!!! The only difference is that I don't feel any regret or experience any personality change after I envelop those dogs through my lips and push them down into my famished, undernourished abdominal pouch!!!!!!!!! And hopefully Absalom won't come looking to kill me either!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
So I was up in LA the other day, driving up La Brea, when I passed Pinks and saw that there was hardly a line at all!!!!! What?!?!?!?!?!?! The last time I was here I literally had to wait in line for 45 minutes with a bunch of Kansas tourists and movie studio techie nerds to make it to the counter to place my order!!!!! That was years ago and I told myself I would never ever do that again!!!!!! But with the line so short and my obsession with hot dogs at an all time high, it occurred to me that I could experience Pink's Hot Dogs for what it was really worth and not have to deal with the dog and pony show that usually accompanies this place!!!!! With that, I made a left turn into the parking lot of Pink's and decided that some hot dog carnage would be taking place in the very near future!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I don't need to tell you that Pink's is a total tourist trap!!!!! It's right across the street from Paramount Studios and lined on almost every square inch of the wall in their dining room is a signed photo of a Hollywood celebrity!!!! It's pretty cool actually!!!!! They have many unique hot dog concoctions and this place is seriously on TV like every single day!!!! From Bank of America commercials to Eye on LA to Travel Channel and Food Network, I've seen more specials on Pinks Hot Dogs than I have Dateline episodes of Chris Hansen interviewing internet child predators!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! With that, you owe it to yourself at least once to try this place out just to say you ate there!!!!!!!
With a short line and wait time, it was on between me and Pink's!!!!! I hadn't eaten anything all day and I was completely and utterly starving and could not wait to clog these dogs down my throat and satisfy the hunger that had been brewing within me all day long!!!! When I got to the counter I ordered a Guadalajara Dog which comes with relish, onions, tomatoes, and sour cream, a Lord of the Rings Dog which comes with barbeque sauce and onion rings, and an Emeril Dog which had cole slaw, mustard, onions, jalapenos, bacon, and American cheese!!!!! I also had an order of fries!!!!!!! When the food was ready and I took my tray to my table, I looked down at my plate of hot dogs and starchy goodness, and the only thing that came to mind to say was to repeat the immortal words of New York Jets linebacker, Bart Scott: "Can't Wait!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I started off with the Guadalajara Dog!!! This was a good dog!!!! The combination of toppings were pleasing to the palette!!! I had never had sour cream on a hot dog before and it proved to be part a magical formula in the realm of hot dog toppings!!! It was very unique and I was beginning to think, "Hey, maybe it is worth it to wait 45 minutes for this food!!!" Next up was the Lord of the Rings Dog!!! Again, a very unique combination of toppings: barbeque sauce and onion rings!!! Never had it before!!!!! But it was good!!!!!!! The onion rings were tasty and the bbq sauce tangy!!! Combined with the dog, it was a masterful culinary creation!!!!!! Lastly was the Emeril Dog with the cole slaw, bacon, jalapenos, mustard, onions, and American cheese!!!!! When I lifted this dog up to my face, I could barely fit my mouth around it!!!! I got cole slaw smeered all over my nose and cheeks!!!!! It was beautiful!!!!!!!! Again, wonderful creativity and flavor combinations that made this dog work!!!!!!! I liked the creativity and out of the box thinking of Pink's when it comes to their menu items!!!!! Also, I thought the fries were some of the best I've ever had!!!!!! The were so g-damn good!!!!! Or was it the ketchup?!?!?!?!?! The ketchup has a kind of tanginess to it that made me want to scoop that pasty sugary tomato slop into my hands and just eat it like it was Ethiopian food!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
The only draw back for me with Pink's is that these dogs are Hoffy hot dogs. When I was a young boy you could buy Hoffy hot dogs at the super market. Without getting into details, I didn't have the most pleasant childhood and as I ate these Hoffy dogs, it reminded me of childhood memories that weren't so great which kind of put a damper on everything. I wasn't abused or anything, it just wasn't a great childhood. I then started thinking about family that I've grown distant from who are now getting older and thought "maybe I should try to reconnect with them in some way"... OK, nobody wants to hear this...
Overall, I liked Pink's! The dogs tasted good and they did well in satisfying my hunger!!!! I would also say there are places that are better for hot dogs. However, if you are in LA, it's a fun place to eat and visit and like I said, everybody should come here at least once to say they did it!!!! Are they worth waiting in line 45 minutes for?!?!?!?! I don't know about that... But come on a weekday like Tuesday or Wednesday at like 4pm and the line shouldn't be too bad!!!!!!! When you come, eat hard and don't hold back!!!!!! Do it with no regrets!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs: Like a Dream!!!!!!

I love hot dogs!!!! I love them!!!!! I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I don't know if it's because I've been watching a lot of Tony Bourdain lately or because there's been a dialogue here in So. Cal regarding the best hot dogs in the area!!!! But not since my childhood have I ever been so taken with my pursuit of that encased pork product placed between a cleft piece of bread with various toppings piled on!!!!!! Not long ago, I discovered Berkeley Dog here in OC and have noticed that there are a few more of them popping up!!!!! Berkeley Dog is good and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everybody... EVERYBODY!!!!!! However, recently I discovered  the finest, most succulent, most wonderful tasting tubed pork that I have ever placed inside of my mouth!!!!!!!!! What am I talking about?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm talking about Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs in Santa Ana!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I saw on Twitter recently that on Monday's, you can get hot dogs and sausages from Jerry's Dogs for like $2 off their regular price!!!!!!!!!!! Sparked by curiosity and word of mouth, I moseyed on over to Jerry's and decided I was going to give this place a shot!!!! And being that I was getting $2 off each dog, I wasn't going to feel bad if these dogs turned out to be a bust!!!!! 

There are apparently a handful of Jerry's Dogs in Orange County, but I visited the location off of 17th street near the 55 freeway in Santa Ana!!! As I walked through the doors, the sight which I witnessed was majestic!!!! There was a large menu with many different types of hot dogs, sausages, and burgers on it, not to mention a plethora of toppings you could add to your food that seemed unending!!!!!! Also, the grill where they prepared all of their food, as well as all of their condiments were in plain view for all to see!!!!! Anything you might want to put on your hot dog, Jerry's has it!!!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! Furthermore, upon entering Jerry's, the smell of hot dogs and sausages being prepared by way of wood fire was absolutely heavenly!!!!!!! It was as though the Jewish high priest had lit an incense stick as a fragrance offering to the Lord Almighty during the Passover Festival!!!!!!!!! It smelled so good that I began to believe that a larger percentage of my brain came to life and began to function as I had never ever ever experienced the wood fired pork scent that Jerry's was spewing from it's kitchen!!!!!!!!! I began to experience an existence that I never knew was possible!!!!!!!! It was like that movie with Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro where the guy takes the pill and has full function of his brain!!!!!!! But this wasn't a g-damn sci-fi movie!!!!!!! This was real life!!!!!! What I smelled while standing in the presence of Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs was substantive and actual, existentially speaking!!!!! It wasn't a dream, or a fantasy, or a fictitious story that was being written.... It was real!!!!!!! It was as real as you're sitting here reading this review!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

The decision that I came to upon looking over the menu was to order a Jerry's Signature Dog which comes plain but you can add whatever toppings you'd like, a Carolina Dog which came with chili and cole slaw, a Chicago Dog, a Cleveland Dog with kraut and stadium mustard, a Mushroon Swiss Dog, and an order of fries!!!!!!!!! 

With the Jerry’s Signature Dog, once it’s ready you can tell the nice woman in the kitchen all the toppings you would like on your dog!!!!! I asked her, “uh, is there a limit as to how many toppings I can put on my dog?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Her response: “Nope!” Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! On my Jerry’s Signature Dog I had ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, jalapenos, and tomatoes!!!!!!!!! When I sunk my teeth into this dog, chewed, and swallowed, I just sat back on my couch and stared at the ceiling with a smirk on my face as though the girl of my dreams had just asked me out on a date and I was envisioning what a lifetime together might look like!!!!!!!!!!!!! This dog tasted so good and, emotionally speaking, it made me come to life!!!!!!!!! To hell with Lexapro!!!!! To hell with therapy!!!!!! Forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations to push you out of your comfort zone, be damned!!!!!! Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs is the only medicine one needs to experience the life that is truly worth living!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The bun on these dogs were perfectly cooked!!!!!! Not too hard, but moist enough so it did not get in the way of the smoked wood fired flavor of the dog!!!!!! Perfection!!!!!!!!! The Carolina Dog and Chicago dog were good too!!!!!! Although, the pickle on the Chicago Dog was a bit too much, yet it was still a quality Chicago Dog, one that I would order again!!!!!!!!!!! And... the Cleveland Dog was something that was incredibly special!!!!! I've never been to Cleveland but I am aware that Cleveland is a phenomenol sports town!!!! As I bit into my Cleveland Dog it took me away to the bleachers of Jacobs Field watching a Cleveland Indians baseball game!!!!!! In my mind as I sat at Jacob's Field, with my Cleveland Dog hanging out of my mouth, I vividly remember shouting "too high!!!!!" when the opposing team hit a ball that looked like it was going to be a home run!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! C'mon, does anybody get that reference?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But the real star of the day, the real hero, the one who stole the g-damn show, and as far as I’m concerned has no obligation to ever.... and I mean, EVER share the stage or headline with any meal/show for the remainder of history, would be the Mushroom and Swiss Dog. The combination of that moist bun, wood fire flavored dog, mushrooms, swiss-cheese and chipotle mayo emoted in me the intense desire to clog my belly full of those Mushroom and Swiss dogs like a toilet gets clogged after eating $40 worth of White Castle sliders from the frozen food section of the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish we had a real White Castle in So. Cal. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! In my humble opinion, Jerry’s Wood Fired Dogs are the best dogs I’ve ever had!!!!!! They're all I've been thinking about ever since I ate there!!!!! I'm obsessed like a high school boy is obsessed with his first girlfriend!!!!! This place is better than Berkeley Dog, better than Top Dog, better than Fab’s, better than Pink’s!!!!!!! No disrespect to those places as they are purveyors of wonderful tasting hot dogs!!!!!!! But Jerry’s Wood Fired Dog’s has the best dogs in all of So. Cal!!!!!!!! Hell, I’d put up them up against anyplace in Chicago or New York!!!!!!! As Fred Durst sang when he accompanied Staind in the song ‘Outside’ , “This is the real Mutha F*ckin’ deal ya’ll!!!!!!!!!” Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Hands down, Jerry’s Wood Fired Dogs is home to the best hot dogs ever... EVER!!!!!! Do this place and don’t cheat yourself!!!!! If you go on a Monday it’s $2 off most hot dogs and you can pound to no end!!!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Berkeley Dog: Simply Marvelous!!!!

Hot Dogs and Sausages have always had a special place in my heart!!! Especially when I suck down that encased pork in a tube and it gets lodged in my chest cavity from eating too much too quickly. then it quite literally has a special place in my heart!!!! I mean, I can gulp down sausages and frankfurters like I'm washing down an ice cold glass of water in the middle of the desert on a hot summer's day!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Let's just say that I have capitalized on numerous occasions while at Dodger Stadium sitting in the All You Can Eat Pavillion and going back every single inning for Dodger Dogs and Nachos with all the fixings!!!! I do it right, baby!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!! I want it to be known that in my opinion, when Frank McCourt made the business savvy decision to give fans the option to sit in the Right Field Pavilion and stuff down as many Dodger Dogs as humanly possible, it was a moment that rivals the Kirk Gibson Game 1 home run in 1988, the signing of Manny Ramirez, a Sandy Koufax no-hitter, and Fernandomania in the early 80's!!!! Though Mr. McCourt's reign as Dodger owner is mired in scandal and controversy, he made the most important and significant decision in Los Angeles Dodger's history.... He let us eat as many Dodger Dogs as we want as long as we were willing to pay a little extra for seats in right field!!!!!! You Mr. McCourt, are a genius!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! OK, my point is that I love hot dogs and sausage and I have done some major damage to the swine industry in this country!!!!! I am proud of the work I have done in the name of keeping the pig farms in business in the midst of a struggling economy!!!!! I have probably single handedly paid the mortgage of at least a handful of those working in the pork industry!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK OK, Berkeley Dog!!! If you follow my blog, you may remember that not too long ago, I was in the Bay Area and upon my entrance into Marin County, my first stop wasn't the Golden Gate Bridge, the Trans America Building, Alcatraz, or Fisherman's Wharf!!!! No no no no no no no!!!!! My first stop.... Top Dog on Durant in Berkeley!!!!! Home to world famous hot dogs and sausages!!!! I pounded hot dogs and sausages like a star that day and often times will go back and read my review of Top Dog to relive that special and brilliant eating moment in my life!!!!!! Now, when I heard that there was a place in the Orange County area called Berkeley Dog, the first thing that popped into my head was, Top Dog in Berkeley!!!!! Oh my God!!!!! Could this be happening?!?!?!?!?!?! I mean, is this for real or is it a dream?!?!?!?!?! A Top Dog like restaurant within driving distance to where I live?!?!?!?!?! I just had to go!!!!! I couldn't wait a single moment more than was necessary to absolutely ravage the pork products residing at Berkeley Dog in Mission Viejo!!!!!!!
Berkeley Dog was about a thirty minute drive for me to get to, and you know what?!?!?! It was well worth it!!!! I got there a few minutes before 11:30am, which is when they opened, and I sat outside the front doors of Berkeley Dog like a puppy dog waiting in the alleyway for scraps from the days leftovers!!! But right when 11:30am hit, I swung open those doors, walked up to the counter, and ordered my sausages with authority!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Actually, before I ordered, I asked the guy taking orders about the connection between Top Dog and Berkeley Dog. His response.... "There's no connection at all. We are completely independent of one another. They let us use their artwork, and they are the inspiration behind this place, but we are not connected in any way." I've gotta say, that was a bit disheartening to hear!!! But I was so worked up to guzzle down sausages, I didn't let that hinder me in any way and proceeded to order a Frankfurter, Bockwurst, German Frankfurter, and two orders of fries!!!!!
When my sausage links were finished, I noticed that similarly to Top Dog, Berkeley Dog serves their sausages on a baguette type of bun!!! But oh that pork!! It was so shiny and greasy and beautiful smelling, that I walked over to the condiment bar and proceeded to put onions, relish, mustard, jalepenos, and and and and and yes... Ketchup!!!! I don't give a crap what some people say!!! Ketchup is a g-damn must for any type of sausage!!!! This whole notion that you can't have ketchup on your sausage is a gross injustice that I find deeply offensive and am utterly appalled by!!! Gotta have ketchup on your hot dog!!! You've got to!!!! It's just not the same without it!!!! You can call me a commie bastard all you want but I will douse that tubed pork with a healthy portion of ketchup and enjoy every single last bite that I have with my sausage!!!! That's how I roll!!!!!
So after my sausages were good and loaded up with all the condiments, I went after those dogs like Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino goes after some slutty, intoxicated lassie in a nightclub at 2am!! I mean I went for it and put a whoopin' on those links that Chris Brown would've been proud of!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Now now, I know there is nothing funny about abusive relationships!!
These sausages were so succulent, juicy and flavorful that after my firtst bite I just had to stop, cross myself, and thank God in heaven for the gift of pork, Muslims, and Jews!!! Of course neither Muslims nor Jews eat pork, so it means more for you and me!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! With each bite I took, mustard, onions, relish, ketchup, and jalepenos would spread across my face and would fall into the palms of my hands!!!! I had to lick my hands and the surrounding parts of my face that could be reached with my tongue after every bite I took!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! And as that greasy sausage and freshly baked baguette sat in my stomach, all of the worries, all of the pain, all of the uncertanty about the future and the outcome of my rotting marriage, simply left me!! Some people would turn to booze or drugs as an escape... Not me!!! I'll take Berkeley Dog any day of the week to numb the pain of life, thank you very much!! (I hope my wife doesn't read this! If she does... I love you baby!). This is high quality sausage and is worth every single cent you spend on them!!! Not far off from Top Dog in Berkeley at all!!! Not at all!!!
Berkeley Dog is beautiful! The sausages are beautifully prepared, taste stupendous, and they take me back to times of sitting in the stands at Dodger Stadium or in the parking lot of the Colisseum or Rose Bowl tailgating before a game!!! There's just nothing like it!!! It's simply marvelous!!!! If you live in Mission Viejo, then you're a lucky son of a b*tch and I envy you!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I'm just kidding! I'm a lover not a fighter!!! But, you owe it to yourself to do this place!!! Do it now and do it hard!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Portillo's Hot Dogs: I Love You Peter Cetera!!!

Mmmmmpphhhfffff, Take me back, to Chicago, and lay my soul to rest. Take me back, to Chicago, where my music was all I had... Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back.... to Chicago!!!!! TO CHICAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOO!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! I have been wanting to try Portillos for years!! Even though they opened up shop in Buena Park, it's a little out of my way, so I haven't been able to try it. That is until.... today!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

After I slammed down one of their Chicago style hot dogs followed by an Italian beef with spicy peppers and an order of fries, I felt a longing, a calling really, to get back to Chicago!!! To just pick up shop and move there and eat!!!! I've only been there once, but from what I can gather, Chicago may be the greatest eating city in the world!!!!! And I want to be part of that more than anything!!!! And with that, I'd like to channel my good friend Peter Cetera once again and say, "Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back.... to Chicago!!!!! TO CHICAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOO!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Southern California residents, I'm not sure if you realize what an absolute gem and societal institution we have just down the street from Knott's Berry Farm!!!! I don't know if you understand the magnitude and monstrosity of it!!!!!! I mean, what did we do, Mr. Portillo?!?!?! What did we, residents of Orange County, do here in Southern California to deserve the grace of your food and business acumen in planting one of your restaurants right in our backyard ?!?!?! We don't derserve it!!! We don't deserve your goodness and the grace you have shown to us, Mr. Portillo!!! As Wayne Campbell (a notable Chicago resident) once said, "We're not worthy!!!! We're not worthy!!!!! We're scum!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! But you have shown us goodness... You have shown us love... You have given us a notable and most worthy gift... You have given us your food!!! You have given us Portillos!!! And for that, we thank you!!! Hey France, the next time you want to drop us a gift, call up Mr. Portillo!!! He is truly the most generous and wonderful gift-giving man this world will ever know!!!!! ... But we do thank you for Lady Liberty!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

As I finished eating my hot dog, beef, and fries from Portillos, I cried out the words of Peter Cetera as I now long to go back to Chicago.... TO CHICAAAAGGGOOOO!!! Take me back!!! Take me back!!! They say relocating to another city is about quality of life!! Well, even with the miserable winters and muggy summers, I don't know how the quality of life in Chicago could be summed up in any other way then with the word "stupendous" with Portillos eateries all over the Windy City!!! And they don't call it that because of the gas the food brings you!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! This food is an absolute treasure that we posses here in Southern California!!! Cherrish it!!! Nurture it!!! Love on it every day of your life!!! I know I will!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Long live Mr. Portillo!!!!

Oki-Dog: So Greasy, So Good!!!!

I was driving through mid-city the other day and I came across Oki-Dog! Actually, I had seen it on TV one night when I was starving so I knee jerkingly added it to my urbanspoon wishlist!!! And if it's on your urbanspoon wishlist, well then you've got to try it, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! There was one thing and one thing only that brought me to OKi-Dog the other day, the Oki-dog with cheese!!!!! I ordered two of them (one to eat there and one for the road). When I first got my Oki dog I ripped off the wrapper with a vengence and just sat and stared at that tortilla filled with cholesterol laden goodness. During those moments of staring at the grease soaked tortilla I just reflected and basked in the beauty of the moment which I was about to partake in!!! When I could stand it no more, I attacked that burrito and tor the head off it like a rottweiller going after a squeaky chew toy!!! Chili began squirting out of the sides of the tortilla like toothpaste running out of its tube!! Chili, grease, and melted cheese began flowing down on to my fingers and into the lap of my jeans!!! But I didn't care!!!! Not one bit!!! With the intense pools of grease, fat, and saltiness that resided in the Oki dog I was brought into a time of extreme bliss!!! Nothing else in the world mattered!!!! Ahahahahahaha!!! Upon eating the Oki-dog all of the problems of my life and the the problems of this world grew strangely dim!!!! After I got a few bites into it, I had to put my sunglasses on due the massive amount of grease on the pastrami!!! The brightness the pastrami was exuding because of the layers of grease on it was blinding!!!!! It was awesome!!!! Some people hate places like this because of the heaviness and greasiness of the food!! Not me, baby!! I thought Oki-Dog was beautiful!!!! When I got home later that night, the OKi-dog I had bought for later was even better than the one I had at the restaraunt. All of the grease, fat, and salt had ample time to just sit and soak and absorb into the meat!!! The Oki-dog I had later affected me like nothing else has in this world!!!!! I'll just say this, This place made me pull a Hasselhoff!! After a few bites I fell to the ground with my Oki-dog in hand and began stuffing my face with it while saying things like, "This is a mess!!!" and "Who said?!?!" and "I'll be fine!!!" and "I nevah have yew!!!" Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! C'mon you've gotta love the Hoff!!

But perhaps one of the great highlights of the night was that right when I was walking out the doors of Oki-dog this guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy some of his hip-hop songs!!! It was classic!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!! Oki-dog is a true gathering place and beacon of light to the community of Los Angeles!!!! This food will affect you like few other places will!!! Have your doctor on call with those angioplasty tubes ready to go after you eat this food!!! But you've gotta live, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Go to Oki-Dog!!! You WILL not regret it!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Chicago's Best: The Best Kept Secret in all of OC!!!

I went to my friend Pamela one day who is a Chicago native and I asked her, "Hey uh Pamela.... Where can one find authentic Chicago food in Orange County?" Without hesitation Pamela replied, 'Chicago's Best in Irvine! That place is the real deal! I grew up in Chicago and lived there for many years. The hot dogs and Italian beef's are no different than what you will find in Chicago." OK well maybe she didn't say that word for word. I mean I can't remember everything people! Ahhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! But you get my drift, right?!
Let me just say, that I am absolutely honored and thrilled to be the first person on urbanspoon to review Chicago's Best! But at the same time, I honestly can't believe nobody knows about this place! This place has got to be on the verge of breaking through and absolutely exploding into an Irvine eating institution. And to be the first to review this place is humbling. When they're digging through the portals of time, they will see my name as the initial reviewer of Chicago's Best!!! This is hands down the greatest day of my life!!!! Ahahahahaha!!!!

Look, maybe it's because I'm a Chicago food virgin, but the Chicago Hot Dog here brought me to my knees! My one regret was that I got my food to-go and couldn't get back in line and order 6 more of those mothers! Jesus those things are good!! From the pickle to the seasoning to the bun to the link, it was absolutely perfect! OK, I'm going to drop a huge bomb here that people might get upset over, but here it comes... The Italian Beef Sandwich at Chicago's Best is better than Philippe's in downtown LA!!! There I said it!!!! You know what, it feels kind of good to say!! I don't regret it at all! You want to know why?!?!?! Do you?!?! Because it's a completely factual claim!!! I stand by that statement and will fight over it to the death!!!!!! To the death!!!! They say to pick your battles in life! Well saying Chicago's Best has a better sandwich than Phillipe's is a battle I will not flee from but will instead fight and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight and fight over!!!! You can believe that!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! All I can say is that when I review a place on urbanspoon it's because the food there moved me! And I'm not talking about bowel movements people!!! This food spoke to my soul and captivated my heart!!! We may have arrived at the pinacle of human achievement with this place!! I truthfully don't know if there is any better we can do as a society than Chicago's Best!!! Evolution has ended!! We have arrived!! Make your way over to Main St. in Irvine and you'll understand what I mean!!! Boom!!! Ahhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!!!

Top Dog: The Truth!!!

These sausages are real life!!!! To experience true and real life as it was intended to be experienced, you need to get your ass up to Berkeley and pound the living hell out of Top Dog!!! Get everything on the menu!!! It's an absolutely manageable feat!!!! There are a lot of homeless people walking around Berkley right now, but you know what? Being homeless in Berkeley isn't that bad of a thing!!! Do you know why? Do you?!?!? Uhhhh, Top Dog, that's why!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! All you have to do is panhandle for a few hours and you can eat like a king at Top Dog every single day of your life!!! Everything on the menu is only $3 so it's totally affordable!!! Don't ask questions, just do it!!!!!! Hmmmmm, this has me thinking!!!! If things ever go south for me, I think I've got a game plan!!! Ahahahahahaha!!!! Getting married, having kids, having friends, and living for others is surely sage advice when seeking the meaning of life, but I say this... If you want to experience real life, the life that is truly life, then you need to get your butt over to Durant and savor those greasy sausage links from Top Dog!!!! The snap of that sausage link cutting through your teeth with mustard running down your hand will cause the mysteries of the universe to be unveiled! Do it!!! It will only be then when all of your questions about this world we live in and this life we live will be answered!!! After that first bite, you'll know what the hell I'm talking about!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!