Taqueria La Cumbre: The Power to Change Society!!!!

It's been awhile since I've reviewed, but I'm back baby!!!!! Been busy and surprisingly sane for the past few months which has made it difficult to blog!!!! But here I am!!!!! I'm not gone!!!! I'm here!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! OK, so there's something I've discovered that is simply glorious!!!!!! A few weeks ago, my allergies flared up and I started taking antihistamines!!!!! On the back of the box it stated that taking antihistamines may increase your appetite!!!!! Hhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I popped those little tablets into my mouth, and after a little bit of waiting, my stomach started to growl and my appetite became so significantly large, it would have made John Holmes jealous!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I don't even know what that last sentence means!!!!! Also, somebody told me recently that Paxil and other anti-depressant medication will increase ones cravings for carbohydrates!!!!!!! So what did I do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? I made an appoitment with my doctor and told him I was feeling down and needed some Paxil!!!!!!!! Hey, with the cloudy weather and rain, it leaves me feeling blue, so my request to my doctor was completely and utterly legitimate!!!!! Completely and utterly!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! I've found that mixing antihistamines and anti-depressants makes you starving to death for like every single meal!!!!!! I can cram way more food down my throat with these magical little pills!!!!!! I love you Paxil and store brand anti-histimines!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But, I digress!!!

So, I would like to continue to review the restaurants I visited while I was up in San Francisco!!!!!!! One of the places I really badly wanted to visit was a place in The Mission District called Taqueria La Cumbre!!!!! Why did I want to come here?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, the guy on Man vs. Food ate here and I've seen it on many food shows that visit the Bay Area!!!! When you visit a restaurant that you've seen on T.V. whether it be Rachel Ray, Anthony Bourdain, Guy Fieri, Samantha Brown, or Adam Richman, it's like seeing a celebrity in person at a movie premiere in West Los Angeles!!!!!! Anyway, everybody on T.V. who visited Taqueria La Cumbre would pretty much wet their pants in talking about how good the food was here!!!!! Now, I'm aware that there is a significant Latino community in San Francisco as well and many Mexican immigrants in the Bay Area, but c'mon, Southern California has the best Mexican Food outside of Mexico, right?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?! Needless to say, I decided I needed to visit Taqueria La Cumbre to see if the food here lived up to the hype!!!!!!!!!!
As I was walking down Valencia Street I came upon Taqueria La Cumbre and it was like seeing Bill Paxton in person on the set of Aliens!!!! "Why don't you just put her in charge?!?!?!?!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Anyway, I've gotta say that when I walked in to Taqueria La Cumbre I was already slanted in my opinion of Bay Area Mexican Food as LA, Orange County and San Diego are all closer to the Mexican border which automatically means that the Mexican Food down here is better and more authentic!!!!!!!! It's an automatic, baby!!!!!!!!!! However, in doing some research, The Mission is home to its own style of burrito that started back in the 60's known as the Mission Style Burrito or the San Francisco Burrito!!!!!! Apparentley Mission Burritos are distinct in that their size is larger than regular burritos, the flour tortilla is a bit "stretchier" and rice and beans are put inside!!! Though many burritos put rice and beans inside, apparentely San Francisco Burrito's are the originators of this culinary method!!!!!! Also, one of the reasons why Taqueria La Cumbre gets so much air time on TV is that it is believed to be the initial purveyor and creator of the Mission Style Burrito!!!!! OK, so when I walked through the doors of Taqueria La Cumbre and up to the counter, I peered over their menu and ended up going with a Deluxe Burrito filled with carne asada!!!!! I would've gotten more food but I had just eaten that massive torta at That's It Market which is just a few blocks away!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The kitchen at Taqueria La Cumbre is open so you can see them grilling their meat and the vegetables are in an assembly line so you can put whatever you want on your burrito or tacos!!!!!! I told them to put everything on my Deluxe Burrito!!!!!! Everything!!!!!!!! Need they even ask?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! So when I got my foil wrapped burrito, I took a seat in the corner, unwrapped my San Francisco style burrito, and g-dammit I went to town!!!!!!! Now remember, I was prejudiced against this burrito before I even took a bite!!!!! How can it be better than So. Cal. Mexican food?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How?!?!?!?!?!?! It can't be!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet, when I sunk my teeth in to that spongy flour tortilla, and as their carne asada, black beans, rice, cheese and salsa passed through my incisors and molars and onto my palette, I became a convert to Mission Style burritos quicker than St. Paul became a convert to Christianity while walking on the road to Damascus!!!!!!!! I mean, good God this burrito was tasty!!!!!!!! I will say that the carne asada is what made this burrito so palatable!!!!!! Whatever marinade or spices or cut of meat they use for this burrito makes this deceased animal flesh some of the best tasting I have ever had in my life!!!!! I swear to Chr*st I'm not exagerrating!!!!!!! I'm not!!!!!!!!! This very well may have been the best burrito I have ever encountered in the entirety of my life!!!!!! And that's saying something because I was prejudiced walking in to this joint!!!!!!!!! Me loving this burrito the way I did the moment it passed through my lips would be like the equivalent of James Earl Ray becoming a civil rights activist the moment he heard the "I Have a Dream" speech!!!!!!!! That's the social change that this burrito can bring about!!!!!!!! Not even joking!!!!!! Not even joking!!!!!!!! Like I said before, I was already kind of full when I walked in to Taqueria La Cumbre, but with these flavors being what they were, I pushed through the pain and put every last bite of that tortilla filled goodness down my pie hole!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Also, the Deluxe Burrito came with tortilla chips, but they weren't that good. They were kind of dry and forgettable!!!!! But when in SF, Oakland, or even down in San Jose, you've gotta find a way to get up to the Mission and sample the burritos at Taqueria La Cumbre!!!!! My high school football coach used to look at each of us in the eye before our games  in the locker and proclaim to us, "find a way to win today!" Well, when it comes to this food, "find a way to eat it!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Do this place!!!!!! It has the power to change society!!!! San Francisco becoming a bastion of gay civil rights makes total and complete sense to me now!!!!!!! It was because of the San Francisco burritos at Taqueria La Cumbre!!!!! Harvey Milk was a good man, and I would venture to say the main motivator that pushed him over the top to lead the gay community were the burritos at Taqueria La Cumbre!!!!! The Mission is not that far from the Castro!!!!!! Harvey Milk's apartment is walking distance!!!!! I believe Harvey Milk ate here on more than one occasion!!!!! I have zero evidence to support this, but I believe it with all of my heart!!!!!!!!!! Eat at Taqueria La Cumbre!!!!!!!! Your life and the world we inhabit will be better for it!!!!!!!!

That's It Market: Who'd Have Thought Good Food Could Be Had At A Liquor Store?!?!?!

So, I still have like four more Bay Area restaurant reviews to do, but sometimes it's hard to muster up the emotional energy and blog about good food I have eaten!!!!!! Just to give you a little bit of insight into my unstable mind, I can't simply sit down whenever I want and crank out a review!!!!! I have to be in the zone!!! I need to feel irrational and be filled with passion and ridiculousness to write in the style that encapsulates who I am and best represents all that entails Eat Like a Champion!!!!!! Hence, that's why a few weeks may go by in between reviews!!!! Believe it or not I have moments of sanity and when looking at my reviews I actually get a little embarassed and can't believe I actually write some of the crap I do!!!! But, I feel like blogging today and am a little punchy!!! So here it comes baby!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
OK, I'm continuing to write about my eating adventures from when I went to San Francisco a few weeks back!!!! Before I hopped on the plane to fly up to Oakland and take the BART over to Powell St., I went on to YouTube and watched the episode of No Reservations with Anthony Bourdaine where he went to San Francisco!!!!! In watching Bourdain tool around SF, some of the places he went were definetely off the beaten path and looked like places I would love to visit while up there!!!! When the SF episode had originally aired a few years back, I remember watching and taking notes of food dwellings I would visit the next time I was up that way!!! One of the places that I noted and had wanted to visit for quite some time was a liquor store in The Mission District called That's It Market!!!!! Yes, a liquor store!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Every now and then I'll drive by a liquor store and see that there's a deli inside or that they bake pizza's onsite, but there's something very unsanitary and grimy about eating food prepared inside of a liquor store in my opinion!!! I don't ever buy groceries at a liquor store, nor do even buy booze there!!!! Liquor Store's are very unkempt and filthy in my experience and the thought of consuming any product that is sold from one of these alcohol distributing establishments instantly makes me want to gag and dry heave!!!!!! Seriously!!!!! I think it has something to do with the clientele liquor stores tend to cater to!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But being that some SF food writer took Bourdain to That's It Market for his show, I figured I could bite the bullet due to the fact that this place might be an exception and put out some pretty dignified caloric goodness!!!!!
What was it that brought Anthony Bourdain to That's It Market in The Mission?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Something called the Cubana, which according to That's It Market is the largest torta in the world!!!!!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! When I saw Bourdain on TV sitting at the counter, stuffing a Cubano into his face while sucking back a tallboy of Tecate, I knew that this was an experience that I had to live out for myself!!!!!!!!! Before I went down to The Mission District, I asked a bell hop at the hotel I was staying in if The Mission was a safe enough part of town!! He responded by telling me, "It's not that safe. If I were you, I would go down there with somebody. I wouldn't go alone." Hmmmmmmmmm this was going to be tricky!!!! I needed a Cubana and I couldn't talk anybody I was with to go down there with me!!!!!! If I had to risk getting jumped or mugged for all of my cash in the The Mission, then so be it!!!!! I don't care!!!!!! The Cubano was a sandwich I would walk through a g-damn war zone for just to be able to cross it off of my bucket list!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! When I hopped on the BART and made it down to The Mission and emerged from the underground tunnel, I didn't look to me like The Mission was a bad neighborhood at all!!!! Never at one point did I feel the least bit unsafe there!!! It's like Broadway in downtown LA, but a little nicer!!!! That bell-hop didn't know what he was talking about!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Anyway, when I came to That's It Market and walked inside, it was a typical trashy liquor store that I usually avoid with the bums loitering outside the front door, expired food sitting on the shelves, and a wide array of porn mags on display behind the counter!!!!! However, when I walked over to the grill on the right, the woman who was working it and cooking the beautiful looking sandwiches for the The Mission locals was incredibly friendly and welcoming!!!!!!!! I looked over their menu for a moment, but I knew what I came for and what I wanted!!!!!  The largest torta in the world, please: The Cubano!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! When I ordered my Cubana, the nice lady simply nodded her head!!! I then took a step back and just watched the magic happen on the grill!!!!! Beef, sausage, ham, pork leg, chorizo, hot dog, eggs, cheese, mayo, jalapeno, tomato, avacado, on a massive bun of bread!!!!!!!! I walked over to one of the coolers and grabbed my Tecate to have the exact same experience as Bourdain, but they told me I couldn't drink in the store. Bummer!! That's fine!
When my Cubana was finished and served to me on a plate, it was abslotely colossal!!! Like, one of the biggest sandwiches I have ever seen!!!!! And it was filled with such marvelous looking greasy fatty Mexican food beauty!!!!!!!!! I remember just before Bourdain took his first bite into his Cubana, he stated, "I'm going to hate myself later for this!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahhahaha!!!! When I picked up my Cubana and looked at the cross section of it and saw all of the different high caloried greasy protein resting against the bread, I said the exact same thing as Bourdain, "I'm gonna hate myself later on!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! And though I may have hated myself later on, which I wll spare you the details of, I didn't hate myself at the moment that first bite of Cubana entered into my mouth and passed through my teeth!!!!!! In fact, I was loving myself and thrilled to death that I had made the decision to come to The Mission and eat lunch in a dirty sketchy looking liquor store!!!!!! This torta was staggeringly good!!!!!!!! All of the different pork and beef products combined with the mayo and avocado and bread made for one of the most unforgettable and lustrous eating experiences in my entire existence!!!!!! Holy God!!!!!!! Though in San Francisco there are countless eating options, the Cubana at That's It Market in The Mission is a place that is worth planning an entire vacation to San Francisco around!!!! Forget Alcatraz, forget Chinatown, forget Fisherman's Wharf, the Presidio, the Golden Gate or going across the Bay!!!!!! The complete focus of your vacation when you go to San Francisco should be That's it Market in The Mission!!!!! This torta will send you into a different reality and has the potential for your entire paradigm to completely shift!!!!! Why would that happen after eating this sandwich?!?!?!?!?! I don't know!!!!!!! But it's so good tasting, a whole new life experience and reality will be opened up to you like never before!!!! More than LSD, weed, or ecstasy could ever dream of doing!!!!!!!! Swear to God!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When in SF, you absolutely have to eat the Cubana at That's It Market in The Mission!!!! You owe it to yourself and to the dignity of your family name to do so!!!!!!!!!! Sure, later on in the day you'll regret eating it, but in the long run, The Cubana will change your life for the better!!!! Thank you Anthony Bourdain for bringing this torta to our attention!!!! You have done more for humanity than any Nobel Peace Prize winner could ever do!!!!!!! Totally serious!!!!!!!!! Do this place and do it hard!!!!!!!!!!! Cubana!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Pedro's Taco's: The Gateway to Mexico!!!!!

I love going down to San Clemente!!!!! It's one of the few places I can go in Orange County and feel like I'm truly getting away!!!!! There's something about the architecture, the feel, and the people of the city that just makes it feel different from all other places in Orange County!!!! It's almost as if San Clemente doesn't belong in Orange County but rather should be incorporated into northern San Diego County!!!!! To me, San Clemente is the gateway into Latin America, save the Carribean and Spain!!!!!!! Every time I step foot onto El Camino Real or Avendia Del Mar, I feel like I'm taking my initial steps into Mexico, Central America and South America!!!!!!! And I love Latin America!!!!!! The food, the people, the culture, the women!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! My dream in life is to walk the land through Mexico, Panama, Paraguay, and Argentina  speaking Spanish to the locals and meeting a beautiful Latina woman, get married to her, sip whatever the national cocktail is on a beach, eating good food while watching the sunset every single night of the week!!!! My wife wouldn't be too happy with that, but I don't think she reads this blog!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! One can dream, right?!?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So whenever I can, I like to escape down to San Clemente for a few hours!!!!! I love all the hole in the wall restaurants, dive bars, preservation of the city, the guys in their mid 40's who are burnt out on life, overweight, overly tan, sitting around smoking cigarettes and sipping beers all day while telling fishing stories, as well as the the homeless mentally ill dudes who ride their bikes along that trail by the pier who are always very suspicious looking, like they're sexual predators or something!!!!!!!!! Well, that last one isn't so appealing!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
OK, so on a recent half day getaway I took down to San Clemente, I decided to eat at Pedro's Taco's!!!!! I had been to Pedro's before, but it had been quite a long time ago!!!!! I know that after the surfer brah's finish a day of shredding the gnar and spreading the stoke down at Trestles, the tradition is to go to Pedro's Tacos and munch on some killer grindage!!!!!! The only problem with Pedro's is that there are a lot of Barney's, Assmunchers, and Co-Kooks hanging around that kind of ruin the surfer brah vibe!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm just kidding!!!! I just wanted to use some of the surfer lingo that I learned while in college!!!!!!!!!!
Pedro's is legendary for their fish tacos!!!! Also, I remember they had a potato burrito that was pretty damn good too!!!! Earlier that day I was across the street at Pizza Port, slamming beers and feeling nice and uhhhh, warm, if you know what I mean!!!!!! With a beautiful feeling buzz from that powerful and wonderful tasting craft beer, I stumbled out the door and walked across and down the street to Pedro's Tacos to satisfy my alcohol induced hunger!!!!!!! My stomach was empty and was growling and screaming like the Zodiac Killer on the morning he called in to that talk show to speak with Melvin Belli!!!!!!!! The growling and hissing coming from my stomach was so loud that it probably could've made a g-damn cat hiss and/or run for it's life!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
When I got to Pedro's I noticed that there are no tables to eat at!!!!! You pretty much have to order your food to go, which is fine!!!!! It's perfect for walking down to the beach and eating there!!!!!!!! As I looked over the menu I ordered a carne asada burrito, and three fish tacos!!!!!! I wanted to save a little room for the pizza I was going to have later that night!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I didn't want to walk all the way down to the beach, so after waiting a few minutes for my food, when they called my number, I took my grinds back to my car and decided to eat it there!!!!!!!!! First up was the carne asada burrito!!!!!!! The meat was flavorful and combined with the onions, guacamole, and salsa, this made for a fantastic carne asada burrito!!!! Also, it was really juicy!!!!! When I bit into it, the grease from the carne asada sprayed everywhere like a shaken up can of root beer!!!!!!!!! It was awesome Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Next, I went for the fish tacos!!!!!!! I was really impressed by how large the tacos were!!!!!!! At first when I looked into the bag of food I couldn't tell which were the tacos and which were the burritos!!!! They all looked to be the same size!!!!!!!! When I unrolled the fish tacos they had on them cabbage, salsa, and that white fish taco sauce!!!!! These were damn good fish tacos!!!! Like, damn good!!!!!! The fried fish batter combined with that white sauce made me want to dance La Cucaracha at Papa's and Beer to the wee hours!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After sitting in the ocean for a couple of hours, or after doing bong hits, I could totally see how surfers would crave fish tacos from Pedros!!!!! Being around those fish in the ocean would make you want to eat them, right?!?!?!?!?!?! These fish tacos are up there in terms of the greatest of all time in my book!!!!! Not sure if they're number 1, but they might be!!!!!!! Eating this food took me to the streets of Rosarito Beach and reminded me that I was in fact in the gateway to Latin America!!!!! Pedros is beautiful, satisfying food, and when you go down to San Clemente, you just have to eat there!!!!!!! You have to!!!!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!!!!! I love Pedro's and look forward to many many more meals in the not so distant future!!!!!!!!! Oh, and don't be a Co-Kook!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Salsa Brava: People Like to Say "Salsa!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In spending the day in Flagstaff, I knew that I would visit Salsa Brava on Route 66, as I saw on TV that Guy Fieri dropped by here and raved about the Stuffed Sopapilla this place puts out!!!! When I was watching them prepare the Sopapilla on DDD, I got up off my couch, took a few steps toward the TV, pointed my index finger at the screen and said, "Oh, I'm doing that place, baby!!!! No if's and's or but's!!!!!!" My wife then told me to sit down...
Anyway, what I saw on TV that night was one of the most delicious looking, meat encrusted, pieces of Mexican Food that I have ever laid eyes on.... EVER!!!!! Is a Sopapilla Mexican, Tex-Mex, or something else?!?!?! I don't know and I don't care!!!!! All I knew after watching G. Fieri in the kitchen at Salsa Brava that night, was that I needed a Sopapilla and I would stop at absolutely nothing to have one!!!!!!! I mean, I almost got in the g-damn car right then and there to drive to Flagstaff to go get me one!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! But I didn't!!! I took a milligram of Xanax to get my mind off of it...
OK, so while I was driving along I-40 towards Flagstaff, knowing that the Stuffed Sopapilla was in reach, I'm sure I broke several speeding laws in both California and Arizona!!!! But I didn't care!!!! If getting my Sopapilla sooner rather than later meant paying a hefty fine by a highway patrolman, then so be it!!!!! It would be well worth it!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Jesus God, I thought of that one astronaut who wore diapers so she could drive without stopping to see that guy she was in love with in Florida!!!!!! Remember that story?!?!?! That could've been me for God's sake!!!! It absolutely could've been me!!!! But it wasn't a person I was in love with, it was a Sopapilla!!! However, I refrained from the diaper route and made pit stops when I had to!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
When I finally got to Flagstaff, the first place I went to, before checking in to my hotel, was Salsa Brava!!!! In pulling into the parking lot, it was practically empty!!!! A good sign for me as I didn't want to wait and I wanted my Stuffed Sopapilla as soon as humanly g-damn possible!!!!!!!! I walked in, took a seat at a booth and didn't even look at the menu!!!!! Didn't even look!!!! When the waiter came by, a nice young man who was a student at Northern Arizona University, I simply told him: "Give me the Stuffed Sopapilla!!!!!!!!!!!" I actually wasn't that rude to the guy, but I was incredibly eager decimate this thing as my anticipation for the Stuffed Sopapilla was greater than a pre-millenialist Christians waiting for Jesus to return at the rapture!!!!! I got mine with carne asada and chile-verde sauce!! Hey, I'm in the Southwest!!! Gotta go for the green chile-verde sauce, right?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
As I placed my order, the waiter mentioned to me that among other things, Salsa Brava is known for their Salsa Bar. Cool!! He brought me out a basket of chips and encouraged me to sample their different salsa's while munching on chips and waiting for my Sopapilla!!!!! I can't remember, but I think they had like 5 or 6 different types of salsa!!! I got like 3 or 4 of the different salsas, and to be quite honest with you, the salsa's were nothing special!!! They weren't bad, but being from Southern California, I've had many salsa's that are much better!!! I'm not hating, their salsa is fine!!! Just saying I've had better salsa on many different occasions!!!! After pushing through about 3 baskets of chips, the moment of truth came!!! My Stuffed Sopapilla was brought out and served to me!!!!! With every square inch of that plate covered with food, I swear to God I felt like John Travolta in the movie Pulp Fiction when he opens up that case and takes a glimpse at the mysterious object he had been paid money to kill all those college kids for!!! It was like this golden reflection was shining on to my face and I couldn't take my eyes off of it!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! My first look at the Stuffed Sopapilla was.... Glorious!!!!!!!! I just wanted to have a private moment with my food!!! So much had been built up for this meal, this food, this day!!!!! I just needed to soak it in and remember....
When I bit in to the Stuffed Sopapilla it was absolutely magnificent!!! The fried dough was simply brilliant!!! I have no other word to describe it other than brilliant!!!!! And the carne asada was excellent too!!! The carne asada had a certain gaminess to it, but with the meat combined with the crispy golden dough along with the chile verde sauce, melted cheese, beans, and sour cream, it was more genius and significant then the contributions Stephen Hawking has made to the world of Physics and Mathemeatics combined!!!!! I don't regret that statement!!!!! I don't regret it at all!!!!!!!!! Along with the Stuffed Sopapilla they give you a side of rice and refried beans... They were fine...
Needless to say, the star of the show was the Stuffed Sopapilla!!! I've gotta be honest, I was a little skeptical of the Mexican food of northern Arizona. Whereas it still probably is not up to the standards of what you'll find in Southern California, this Stuffed Sopapilla at Salsa Brava could stand next to any Mexican dish in the g-damn universe!!!!! That's truth!!!! I don't know how much more strongly I can emphasize to you that when in Flagstaff, you must try the Stuffed Sopapilla at Salsa Brava!!!! It's an experience you will surely share with your grandchildren one day!!! I know I'll share my day at Salsa Brava with my grand kids and maybe the story of my meal there will be passed down through generation upon generation in my family!!!! This place is legendary!!!! Do this place and do it hard!!! You won't regret it!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

El Cholo Cantina: A Culinary Delight!!!!!

OK look, El Cholo Cantina is Americanized Mexican food! Simple as that! And there's nothing wrong with Americanized Mexican food at all! At all!! I've been to El Mercadito in Boyle Heights, the barrios of Tecate, and have been to more than one backyard Mexican barbecue in East LA! I would like to think that I know and have sampled legitimate and real Mexican Food!!! Does that mean because El Cholo is a little bit of a departure from the real thing mean that it is automatically disqualified as being good tasting food?!?! I say absolutely not!!!!!!!! No Way!!!!!!!! One of my best friends is Mexican and grew up in Santa Ana!! His parents immigrated to the US and hardly speak a word of English! Barry, my buddy, gets absolutely offended when it comes to Americanized Mexican food!!! My question for him is always, "Why?!?!" I always tell him, "Dude, you just have to take this food for what it's worth! It's not what you are going to find when down in Mexico and that's OK! The same idea applies for Japanese food, Italian food, Chinese food, etc. The different ethnic foods you find here in America are not truly authentic!! So just relax, put the food in it's proper context and enjoy it!!!" He never agrees with me!!  With that being said, Americanized Mexican food absolutely has a place in the culinary world and I find it to be quite delicious!!!  And again, El Cholo Cantina is not the type of truly authentic Mexican Food you will find in the aforementioned places! But places like El Torito, Chipotle,  and Chevy's  though not authentic ... they're damned good!!! They're damned good!!! They're damned good!!! They're damned good!!! They're damned good! They're damned good!!! You're not going to change my mind!!! You're not going to change my mind!!! You're not going to change my mind!!! You got that Barry!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
So with that, I went to El Cholo Cantina the other night!!! I've been here a few times before, and hands down, this is one of my favorite restaurants to eat at!!!!! When I heard we were gonna eat at El Cholo Cantina in Irvine, I began to get butterflies in my stomach and I felt exactly like I did the night before I asked my high school crush to the Senior Prom!!! Later that summer she dumped me and broke my heart!!!! Damn you, Elaine!!!!!! Damn you!!!! ... Anyway, upon knowing that El Cholo Cantina would soon happen, my gut became filled with childhood puppy-love and joy which I thought was now dulled down because of experiencing the harsh realities of life!!!! I never knew I could feel this way again!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! In the past at El Cholo, I've hammered down the Chicken Chimichangas (which are not Mexican, but Southwestern/Tex-Mex), and the Carne Asad Burrito (Again, burritos are not Mexican), both of which were completely and utterly brilliant meals!!!!! Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo g-damn good!!!!!!... SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!
When I returned the other night, it was the Carnitas Plate that caught my eye!!!! I was like a Rainbow Trout who had been fooled by a plastic caddisfly loitering on the top of a stream by an angler with his fly-rod!!!! I mean, when I saw that Carnitas Plate on the menu, I was hooked!!!!! And no matter how hard I might've wanted to fight and jump and get the hell out of the grips of that fishing net I was being reeled into, there was no escape for me!!!!! Carnitas Plata pour mi por favor!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
After our orders had been placed, our wonderful server for the nigh brought out basket upon basket of free chips and salsa!!!!! We ordered some guacamole to accompany our chips and salsa!!!!! These chips were unbelievably tasty!!!! Unbelievably!!!!! Jesus Christ!!!! These chips had to have just been pulled out of the fryer!!! They were hot, greasy, and absolutely melted in my mouth!!!!! And their salsa is nothing short of addicting!!!!!!!! There is something they put in the salsa that makes is so flavorful!!!!! I can't put my finger on what exactly it was, but I swear to God I probably could've just sat at that table all night plowing through basket after basket after basket of those chips and salsa!!!!!!!! With these chips and salsa in mind, it's now tempting for me to get a syringe, fill it with El Cholo salsa, dim the lights in my room and line my arm with tire tracks every single night of the week!!!!! No joke!!!!! Oh, the guacamole was OK too!!!! While we were eating our chips and salsa, our server suprised us and brought out a plate of chips covered in melted cheese!!!!!! When we asked him about this he pointed to a small sign on our booth that read, "Nacho Table." Apparentely if you're sitting at the "Nacho Table" then they'll bring you out a free plate of Nachos!!!! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttt!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! In picking up a nacho, I actually picked up something like 10 of them because the cheese was sticking and attached to many of the chips!!!!! Hey, it counts as one nacho, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! The cheese and chips were so greasy and so beautiful tasting that I actually had a moment of clarity and asked in kind of a loud voice looking at the ceiling, "What have I done to deserve this?!?!?!?!?! What have I done to receive such a graceful blessing?!?!?!?!?!?!" People then started to stare at me. It was a little embarrassing...
Then then then then... They brought out the entrees!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! When the server dropped my plate down in front of me, I had forgotten how unbelievably massive the portions are which El Cholo gives to you!!! I had a huge pile of carnitas on my plate along with a huge side of rice and beans!!!! I asked the waiter to bring me some extra corn tortillas because my plan was to construct as many carnitas tacos as I possibly could out of my plate!!! I ended up having a total of 9 corn tortillas that were each filled with carnitas, rice, beans, guacamole, lettuce, and salsa!!!! Nine of them baby!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! As I sat there loading up tortilla after tortilla and pushing each of them down into my growling stomach, I think I could actually hear myself getting fatter and my arteries clogging!!!!! The food here is incredibly heavy and sits in your gut like a g-damn cinder-block!!!! But I love and live for that feeling of lard slowly churning through your intestines, so for me it was a mezmorizing moment!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I thought the carnitas were fantastic!!! The tortillas were hot and fluffy, and the rice and beans were all of a high quality!!!!! This was a wonderful, life giving meal that I partook in at El Cholo Cantina!!!!! So excited was I, that I ended up texting my closest friends, sharing with them that I had just had one of the most amazing meals of my entire life!!!! I want to share meaningful and important moments in my life, and this moment was worth sharing with the people who are closest to me, the ones I love!!!! That's what I want to do when I have a good meal!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! 
All I can say is that if you want a huge plate of sublime tasting Mexican food, then this is your place!!! Don't leave this life with regrets!!!! Go to El Cholo Cantina and experience the life that is truly life!!!!!! Oh yeah, and be sure to sit at the "Nacho Table!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Do it now!!! Now I say!!!

Albertaco's: Not the Best I've Ever Had, But Not Bad.

So, I have been to Albertaco’s on three different occasions, and to be perfectly blunt and honest, have failed to understand the hype surrounding this establishment!!! I’ve noticed on urbanspoon that it’s ranked as the number 5 “cheap eats” place in all of Orange County. Plus, one of my co-workers who went to Saddleback College, which Albertaco’s is right across the street from, swears by this place! I mean she goes ga ga every single time the topic of Mexican Food is brought up in a coversation around the office!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Albertaco’s has been on my radar for quite some time and I was excited to try it, and quite honestly really really really really wanted to like this place!!! We're talking desperately wanting to like!!!!! I mean as I sat eating my Albertaco's Mexican Food, I was looking for excuses or anyhing I could latch on to about this fare that would cause my emotions to inflame so I could write an over the top review of this Mission Viejo eatery!!! I tried, Albertaco! I swear to you that I tried!!!!! I dug down deep into the portals of my heart and soul and failed to muster up any kind of passionate depiction or feeling over my experience eating at Albertaco's!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Look, I try to keep it positive around here and I like to have fun with my reviews! But if I want to be taken seriously as a food blogger, then I have to dish out a little bit of negativity when it comes across my palette. I don’t like being negative and I would never ever tell somebody to not eat someplace unless the food and or service is exceptionally poor (or if your name is Gilley’s in Las Vegas).  So let’s just establish that right off the bat!! In no way does this review of Albertaco’s mean you should not eat here! Try the food for yourself! You may have a much better experience than I did!! Also, let me just say that the food at Albertaco’s is not bad at all. It’s not low quality or poor in any way!!! The owners and employees at Albertacos work very hard and take noticeable pride in their food!!! And for that, I say to Albertaco, Muchos Gracias por todo!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

So the other day as I was driving down to San Diego, I stopped here for lunch to give Albertaco’s one last shot!! I ordered a Carne Asada Burrito, 3 fish tacos, and a chicken quesadilla!!!! I ate every last bite of my food, so it couldn’t have been that bad, right?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! First off let me say that the carne asada burrito was fine. The carne asada had good flavor, and the fillings of rice, beans, guacamole and salsa complimented everything nicely!!! I was off to a good start!!!! I then moved on to my fish tacos!!! The downfall with these fish tacos was the white sauce. It was overly-mayonaisey and sweet, which just didn’t work for me!!! But, I ate all three of them, so again, it couldn’t have been too bad!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I then capped off my Mexican feast with their chicken quesadilla!!! There wasn’t anything fantastic about the chicken quesadilla unfortunately. The flavors were kind of bland and the combination of everything together didn’t do much for me!!! The quesadilla was huge though and I had to push through some pain to squeeze that mother down in to my gut!!! But I did it!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

If you’re deciding whether or not to eat at Albertaco’s, I would say, go! Heck if there was a night sometime in the future where I was really lusting for some Mexican food, I could see myself returning!!! Go to Albertaco’s! They are worthy of your business! They will not give you bad food by any means!! It’s just that I’ve had Mexican food that in my opinion is much better! Not sure why they are the 5^th ranked cheap eats place in all of OC! But hey, they’re doing something right!!! 

Yuca's: Ehhh...

A few years back I was watching either a USC or a UCLA football game and at halftime this segment came on that had Todd Blackledge stuffing his face with Yuca's burritos. With his mouth full of tortilla and pinto beans hanging off of his chin, Blackledge was insistent that Yuca's in Los Feliz was serving up the finest Mexican food in all of Los Angeles. With that, I've always had it in the back of my mind to try Yuca's whenever I was up near Hollywood, which isn't often. But the other day I was at Griffith Park and decided that the moment had arrived for me to destroy Yuca's!!! As I walked up to the counter I ordered a carne asada burrito, 2 yucatan pork tacos, 2 carnitas tacos, a carne asada torta, and a cheeseburger. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I was pretty damned excited to do my best Blackledge impression that day, cramming Yuca's down my pie hole to no end!!! In leading up to the moment of eating at Yuca's, I did a little research and saw that Yuca's was voted best tacos in 2009 by a publication of some sort I'm not familiar with. Needless to say, between being voted best tacos in LA and listening to Blackledge, my expectations were pretty damn high!! After I had finished my food, I gotta say... I was pretty underwhelmed. I'm not saying Yuca's is bad, the food is fine, but I really struggled to understand what the big deal is surrounding Yuca's. I'm not hating on Yuca's! Again, the food is fine!! It's just that I can't figure out why Todd Blackledge would wet his pants over this place, or why Yuca's would be voted best taco's in 2009!! Hell, I can name 10 places right now off the top of my head that have superior tacos to Yuca's. King Taco in East LA, Chronic Tacos or even Pedro's in San Clemente all serve up tacos that are much tastier than Yuca's in my humble, but accurate, opinion!!! But again, Yuca's isn't bad!! I'm not hating!! I guess it's that I had high expectations and had my heart broken a little bit by Yuca!! I don't quite get all of the excitement about Yuca's!! But hey, I'm only one person!! Go to Yuca's and try the food for yourself! The food is not bad and overall you will be pleased!!! Eat hard when you go though!!! I mean put it away!!!! You can do it too because the portions are kind of small!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!