So, I had stopped in Durango for a few days on my way back from Texas and decided I was going to make the drive from southwestern Colorado all the way back to Southern California in one shot... "That's one shot!!! That's one shot, Kid!!!!" - Ronnie from Jersey Shore, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I also was wanting to see the Meteor Crater just outside of Flagstaff!!!! Needless to say, it was going to be a long ass day of driving and I needed some serious strength to get me through my own personal miniature Gumball Rally!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
In walking up and down Main Ave. in downtown Durango I was struck by Durango Diner each time I passed it by!!!! It looked like an old school, mom and pop, down home diner that Durango locals would frequent!!!!! Hey if truck drivers driving cross country, cowboys preparing to handle multiple bails of hay for the day, and city workers shoveling salt and scooping snow out of the residential streets mash at this place, then it's good enough for me!!!!!! If Durango Diner can provide the amount of calories necessary for those fine folks to get them through their day, then hey, this greasy diner food can get me to Meteor Crater and ultimately back to So. Cal. in one shot!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
The morning of my drive I got up very early, like 5am, went down to Durango Diner, walked through the doors at 6am and took a seat at the counter!!!!! I was the only customer there and the guy who I think was the owner and his wife were there preparing for the day of serving the locals and tourists of Durango!!!!! The owner and his wife were super friendly and chill!!!!!! Like they were good quality people!!!!! We spoke of love, we spoke of life, we talked poetry... No no no no no no.... We talked about current events and made small talk!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
But the owner was like, "I'll make you whatever you want to eat!!!!" Yyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! After looking over the menu, I said to the guy I wanted an omelet with sausage, tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions with a bunch of cheese melted on top of and within the eggs!!!! He then asked me, "Do you want some chili verde on top of your omelet?!?!?!" In the words of the Kool-Aid pitcher from the 1980's, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! The omelet came with a massive side of hash browns and toast!!!!! After I ordered my omlet I was like, "Hey, can I get an order of pancakes too?!?!?!?!" The guy was like, "Dude, I'll make you whatever you want, but just so you know, if you get an order of pancakes with this omelet... that's a lot of food!!!" After mulling it over for a little while and listening to my stomach and in the name of wanting to pace myself for the duration of the day, I decided to pass on the pancakes!!!! At 6am I'm just not as hungry as I usually am!!!!! Next time Durango Diner, next time I will demolish those pancakes like a failing hotel/casino on Las Vegas Blvd.!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
So, my breakfast was the omelet, hash browns and toast!!! Let me just say, this was a massive plate of food!!!!! It looked amazing, and being that it was coming from an old school locals diner, my omelet and hash browns looked incredibly appetizing!!!!! With half the plate covered in omelet doused in chili verde and the other filled with hash browns, I took the bottle of ketchup and made a generous puddle with that gluey-like, sugary tomato paste!!!! With every bite of my omelet topped with chili verde as well as every bite of my fried potatoes, I would mix them with my ketchup puddle and then deposit that grease laden, cholesterol rich breakfast food goodness into my face cavity with great joy!!!!!! The combination of eggs, cheese, sausage and veggies with grease, ketchup and chili-verde was nothing short of celestial!!!!! I pounded down that early morning grub like a miner pounds on a rock with a pick ax looking for nuggets of gold!!!!!! It was awesome!!!! When I had finished my food and I began to feel that grease settle in my belly, I almost walked back to my bed to take an early morning nap!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But I didn't!!!! I proceeded to slam multiple cups of coffee and the caffeine helped get the blood flowing through my veins for the long drive I had ahead!!!!
Overall, I really enjoyed Durango Diner!!!!! If I'm ever back in Durango I will be back and perhaps stop by in the afternoon to grab a burger or one of their other typical diner plates!!!!!! This place is old school and it's awesome!!!!! When in Durango, do this place!!!! You may need to spend the day mountain biking, hiking, or skiing to burn off all the calories, but hey, it'll be well worth it!!!!! Oh and just so you know, I made it to Meteor Crater and it was so cool!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Who would've thought that just south of Orange County, past Camp Pendelton, there is a whole new world!!! Yes, just like Ariel emerges from the Ocean to discover an earthy existence, so to was my feeling upon leaving Orange County and entering into the northern most habitation of San Diego County known as Oceanside... I just gotta say, I love Oceanside!!! Yeah, maybe it's kind of a slummy military beach town where hookers used to line Pacific Coast Highway waiting for young marines fresh from boot camp to come with their bonuses and enough pent up sexual energy to extinguish a small brush fire. But hey, it's a town filled with character and heart and you've gotta love that about this place!! And on the eve of Veterans Day, I say, God Bless our troops!!! Anyway, Oceanside is a bit slummy and trashy, but it's a city I love and I wouldn't change a thing about!!! You get a feel that over the past 40-50 years, much of the cities history, buildings, and architecture has been preserved! You get a feel for what life was like in Oceanside long before you were born!!! And the Top Gun house is here!!! You know, the house where Kelly McGillis' character lived!!! Maverick, you're a sly son of a bitch!!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!!! But I love that about Oceanside!!!!!!
As I was tooling around Oceanside, I came across Beach Break Cafe on PCH and decided I was going to hit it hard for breakfast!! To be up front and honest with everybody (all 3 of you who will probably read this!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!) I'm not a huge breakfast guy!! I mean I like breakfast foods, but my usual MO is to skip breakfast, deprive myself of a lot of calories to build up my hunger so that I can experience the pure bliss of filling up my deprived stomach with flavorful and fatty foods while on the brink of starvation!!!! And usually that type of hunger doesn't happen in the morning for me, that is unless it's after a long night of boozing!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
But anyway, I came to Beach Break knowing that it was highly regarded and one of the most popular breakfast spots in all of San Diego County!!! My first impression of this place was that, like Oceanside, it had character and heart!!! Not a corporate restaurant, but a thriving ma and pa type of place with a beach city feel and down to earth clientele and staff!!!! I took a seat at the counter, unfolded a menu, and was shortly thereafter approached by a stunningly beautiful young woman!! When she asked me if I wanted something to drink, I became flustered and had difficulty thinking straight!!! She wasn't wearing a lot of make-up, she wasn't wearing anything professional or super fancy, but she just had this down to earth, quality girl type of look! Jeans, tank top, tan skin, piercing green eyes, and a very lovely and friendly smile!!! Something I never see in this vain s-hole I live in called Orange County!!!! But I can't complain!!! There are worse places in the world to be!!! ORANGE COUNTY YOU ARE MY BITCH LOVER!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
OK, so I digress. On to the food! I ordered the Santa Fe Omelet with hash browns, pancakes, and coffee cake!!! Flat out, this food made me rapturous!!! As I stuck my fork into my Santa Fe Omelet, cutting through the egg, cheese, chorizo, onion, avocado, and sour cream, I thought for a moment Harold Camping might have been on to something, as for a second it felt like I was being raptured up into the heavens to meet with Jesus!!!! It made me feel that joyful!! Wow this food is tasty and I swear to God I thought it was going to send me into the spiritual realm!!!! But I'm still here!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Also, the pancakes were angelic!!! So soft, so buttery, so syrupy, they made me long for the day when I would be reunited with my friends and loved ones who have prematurely passed from this life!!!! I love you guys!!!!! I'm coming soon!!!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hahahahahahahahaha!!!! .... Ok, I think I'm fine now... At the end of my meal, they brought out a piece of coffee cake for me to cap off my breakfast! I had been reading that the coffee cake here is excellent, and excellent it was!!! Again, I'm not a huge coffee cake guy, but one of the amazing things I discovered about Beach Break coffee cake, is that when you eat their coffee cake while drinking a cup of coffee, it's really really good!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! What can I say, I'm a little behind the current trends!!!!!
The combination of everything at Beach Break Cafe made for an overall splendid morning and got me off to an absolutely fantastic start of the day!!!! Excellent food, warm atmosphere, and beautiful waitresses!!! And I'm not talking about dolled up, breast augmented, superficial, morally loose, plastic woman in Orange County that make up the vast majority of the female Orange County population!!! Not like a Hooters waitress!! But I'm talking about quality women!!! Women who aren't obsessed with how much money you make, what kind of car you drive, whether or not you're a home owner, or what your social status may be! I'm talking about women who care for you because of who you are and all that other stuff doesn't matter!!! These waitresses are those kind of girls!!! How do I know that?!?! Well, I don't know for sure!!! But I felt a connection with my waitress!!! If you're out there, do you remember me Beach Break Waitress?!?! Do you remember me?!?!?!?! I know you felt the connection I felt!!! I know you did!!!! If you read this, send me a message!!!!! We can make it!!!!! I'll come for you!!!!
Oceanside is a wonderful town filled with character!!!! I am now inspired to frequent Oceanside to sample the many ma and pa eateries that exist in this wonderful city!! Screw you corporate restaurants!!!! I'm supporting the working man!!!! (Actually, I'll still eat at your restaurants. I have low self-control and discipline! Ahahahahahahahaha!!) And, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to bump in to Beach Break Waitress again while down there!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I know I know, I'm a creeper!!! When in Oceanside, do this place!!! I swear you won't regret it!!!!!
I had been hearing about the breakfast burritos at Nick's for quite some time and as I was driving through Seal Beach last week, the time seemed opportune to see for myself if these breakfast burritos deserved all the attention they have been getting. In short, the answer is, Yes!!!!!!! I honestly cannot imagine a better way to start your day than to stuff your mouth full of breakfast burritos from Nick's!!!! But you know, there was something that absolutely baffled me while I was standing in line and waiting for my food. People would come in and order 1 breakfast burrito. What the hell?!?!?! One breakfast burrito?!?!?! There is no way that after eating one breakfast burrito that that you can just simply stop!!! That is unless you've had that stomach staple surgery and you get full really quick!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I had one breakfast burrito, sucked it down in about 4 bites and said to myself, "what the hell am I doing?!?!?!?! I can't just have one of these bastards!!! I'm going to slam down breakfast burritos until my jam cramps up and I am physically unable to chew!!!!!" Ahahahahahaha!!! And that is what I did! I had six, count em', six, breakfast burritos!!!!! I walked away completely satisfied! Later in the day when I would have a little gas and burp, I was tasting that chorizo and oh man was it good! Those breakfast burritos were etched in my mind all day, and to be quite honest, they are etched in my mind right now, and will probably still be there years down the road!!!!!!!! But but but but but, I must say, I was a little pissed!! People ordering one breakfast burrito! No way dude! No g-damn way you order one of these SOB's!!!! You have to go at least, AT LEAST, 3!!!!!!! Some of Nick's customers cheat and disgrace themselves by only ordering 1 breakfast burrito!! Those things are so amazing!!! How dare anybody order just one!!!!!!!! Stuff your mouth full of these
suckers until your jaw locks baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Go to Nick's!!!! Your life will be utterly transformed and changed!!! That's an absolute and unquestionable fact!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
