Risky's Sports Bar & Grill: Taking Care of Business!!!

I went to Omaha a few weeks back to drink beer, eat a lot of food, and, oh yeah, take in a little bit of the College World Series!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! On like the second day of the CWS we were sitting in the unbearable Nebraska mugginess out in the right field stands when we struck up a conversation with some locals... After a little bit of chitter chatter and telling us where to go and what to see, they said to us that if we make our way over to Lincoln, then we've gotta hit a place called Risky's!!!! And that we did!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Let me just say, that as I sat in those damned bleachers with beads of sweat sliding down my nose onto the pavement and with my skin turning red from the oppressive mid-west sun, I was dreaming of being anywhere that had cold beer and air conditioning!!! Side note: Why in the heck can't you find an imported beer anywhere in Nebraska?!?!?!? I mean, what the hell?!?!?!?! All they had was Budweiser, Bud Light, and Coors Light. Some places, like Risky's, had Sam Adams, but nothing from overseas!! My guess is you can find an import, but I never saw one... Jesus that was frustrating!!! Anyway, I digress.

The next day we went to Lincoln and found Risky's!!! Still reeling from that damned sun and humidity, I walked in to Risky's and felt the cool air blow onto my moist, sticky face!!! There was hardly anybody there, so I walked up to the bar and started slamming ice-cold Sam Adams like they were going out of style!!! I was channeling where I had been the day before in the right field bleachers and just kept drinking that nearly below freezing liquid until my mouth was numb!!!! It tasted sooooo good and was sooooo refreshing! It wasn't that I really wanted to keep drinking, it was just that I was trying to replace the lost fluids from the day before!!!!.... Well, maybe I did want to keep drinking!! And that I did!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But don't worry, I was straight... for the most part!!

After I was feeling good and ... uh... hydrated, I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and found them to be delightful!! The burger was good sized and the beef was of a high quality!! The fries were also delicious!!! I drowned them in a pool of ketchup and devoured them like they were nothing!!! Oh baby that was nice!!

Risky's is right near the east campus of the University of Nebraska where all the aggie students hang!!! You can tell it's a place where all the Nebraska students would go to on a Friday night!!! I would guess, that after a long day of farming or shucking corn, Risky's has got to be a must!!! I mean, what the hell else are you going to do if you live in Lincoln?!?!??!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! No no no... Lincoln is actually a neat little town!!! However if I lived in Lincoln I would probably go insane due to the horrible weather and the fact that there is absolutely nothing to do there except farm!!! But if I did, I would hang at Riskey's and get my drink on like no other!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaahaha!!! Oh yeah, the food is good too!! When in Lincoln, do this place!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Portillo's Hot Dogs: I Love You Peter Cetera!!!

Mmmmmpphhhfffff, Take me back, to Chicago, and lay my soul to rest. Take me back, to Chicago, where my music was all I had... Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back.... to Chicago!!!!! TO CHICAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOO!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! I have been wanting to try Portillos for years!! Even though they opened up shop in Buena Park, it's a little out of my way, so I haven't been able to try it. That is until.... today!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

After I slammed down one of their Chicago style hot dogs followed by an Italian beef with spicy peppers and an order of fries, I felt a longing, a calling really, to get back to Chicago!!! To just pick up shop and move there and eat!!!! I've only been there once, but from what I can gather, Chicago may be the greatest eating city in the world!!!!! And I want to be part of that more than anything!!!! And with that, I'd like to channel my good friend Peter Cetera once again and say, "Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back!!! Take, me, back.... to Chicago!!!!! TO CHICAAAAAAAGGGGGGOOOOO!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Southern California residents, I'm not sure if you realize what an absolute gem and societal institution we have just down the street from Knott's Berry Farm!!!! I don't know if you understand the magnitude and monstrosity of it!!!!!! I mean, what did we do, Mr. Portillo?!?!?! What did we, residents of Orange County, do here in Southern California to deserve the grace of your food and business acumen in planting one of your restaurants right in our backyard ?!?!?! We don't derserve it!!! We don't deserve your goodness and the grace you have shown to us, Mr. Portillo!!! As Wayne Campbell (a notable Chicago resident) once said, "We're not worthy!!!! We're not worthy!!!!! We're scum!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! But you have shown us goodness... You have shown us love... You have given us a notable and most worthy gift... You have given us your food!!! You have given us Portillos!!! And for that, we thank you!!! Hey France, the next time you want to drop us a gift, call up Mr. Portillo!!! He is truly the most generous and wonderful gift-giving man this world will ever know!!!!! ... But we do thank you for Lady Liberty!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

As I finished eating my hot dog, beef, and fries from Portillos, I cried out the words of Peter Cetera as I now long to go back to Chicago.... TO CHICAAAAGGGOOOO!!! Take me back!!! Take me back!!! They say relocating to another city is about quality of life!! Well, even with the miserable winters and muggy summers, I don't know how the quality of life in Chicago could be summed up in any other way then with the word "stupendous" with Portillos eateries all over the Windy City!!! And they don't call it that because of the gas the food brings you!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! This food is an absolute treasure that we posses here in Southern California!!! Cherrish it!!! Nurture it!!! Love on it every day of your life!!! I know I will!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Long live Mr. Portillo!!!!

Bruxie: Chapman Students... Rejoice!!!!

Right now there are high school students all over the country making decisions about what college/university they will matriculate at in the Fall! Surely they are considering things such as, campus life, whether or not their major is offered, location, and proximity to home, just to name a few!!! But, one of the huge mistakes thousands of college students are making this very day, at this very moment, is that they are not taking into consideration what kind of an eating city their university is in!!!! Well, if you're planning on attending Chapman University to further your education this Fall, let me just say, you have chosen ..... WISELY!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Why have Chapman University students chosen wisely you ask?!?!?!?! One word and word only.... BRUXIE!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!! It's not about the campus, it's not about the student life, it's not about the law or film school or the academics. But what it is about is a place just across the street from the university!!! What it is about, is Bruxie baby!!!! I will say this, the food at Bruxie will bring real life healing to your soul!! Have you been emotionally scarred?!?!?!?! Are you battling depression or anxiety?!?!?!?! Are you dealing with a broken heart from a divorce, break up, or your children never calling you?!?!?!?! Well if you are, then I'm sorry. But to get on the path to healing you need to forget therapy, you need to forget medications, you need to forget doctors!!! You want to get well?!?!?! You want to be healed?!?!?!??!?! Go to Bruxie and devour their waffle sandwiches til it hurts!!! And once you do that, in an ironic twist, you will hurt no more!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! The flavors of these waffle sandwiches possess the powers of healing!!!!

Bruxie is absolutely genius!!!! Using waffles as their sandwich bread is an idea comparable to the inventions of indoor plumbing, the water heater, and refrigeration!!!! I mean, It's genius and it makes life better!!!!! I had the Bruxie Burger, the Buttermilk Fried Chicken & Waffle, and the Liege Waffle!!! Don't ever, and I mean ever, talk about the greatest burger in OC and fail to mention the Bruxie Burger!!!!!! For if you do you are degrading the world of culinary arts!!! The Bruxie Burger is unbelievably tasty and satisfying!!!!! However, it was the Buttermilk Fried Chicken & Waffle that brought healing to my soul like a lobotomy brings healing to a paranoid schizophrenic!! The slaw, the 100% maple syrup poured over it, and the fried chicken with those waffles.... good God!!!!!! I mean the Buttermilk Fried Chicken & Waffle at Bruxie may be the best sandwich in OC!!! What an experience!!!! The sweetness of the syrup mixed with the saltiness and spicyness of the chicken was an absolutely unforgettable eating moment for me!!!

Chapman students, rejoice!!!! You have chosen wisely!! This place would be my in between class spot and I would eat here every single day of the week if I was a Chapman student!!!!! Every day!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I will be back!!!!!

Oki-Dog: So Greasy, So Good!!!!

I was driving through mid-city the other day and I came across Oki-Dog! Actually, I had seen it on TV one night when I was starving so I knee jerkingly added it to my urbanspoon wishlist!!! And if it's on your urbanspoon wishlist, well then you've got to try it, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! There was one thing and one thing only that brought me to OKi-Dog the other day, the Oki-dog with cheese!!!!! I ordered two of them (one to eat there and one for the road). When I first got my Oki dog I ripped off the wrapper with a vengence and just sat and stared at that tortilla filled with cholesterol laden goodness. During those moments of staring at the grease soaked tortilla I just reflected and basked in the beauty of the moment which I was about to partake in!!! When I could stand it no more, I attacked that burrito and tor the head off it like a rottweiller going after a squeaky chew toy!!! Chili began squirting out of the sides of the tortilla like toothpaste running out of its tube!! Chili, grease, and melted cheese began flowing down on to my fingers and into the lap of my jeans!!! But I didn't care!!!! Not one bit!!! With the intense pools of grease, fat, and saltiness that resided in the Oki dog I was brought into a time of extreme bliss!!! Nothing else in the world mattered!!!! Ahahahahahaha!!! Upon eating the Oki-dog all of the problems of my life and the the problems of this world grew strangely dim!!!! After I got a few bites into it, I had to put my sunglasses on due the massive amount of grease on the pastrami!!! The brightness the pastrami was exuding because of the layers of grease on it was blinding!!!!! It was awesome!!!! Some people hate places like this because of the heaviness and greasiness of the food!! Not me, baby!! I thought Oki-Dog was beautiful!!!! When I got home later that night, the OKi-dog I had bought for later was even better than the one I had at the restaraunt. All of the grease, fat, and salt had ample time to just sit and soak and absorb into the meat!!! The Oki-dog I had later affected me like nothing else has in this world!!!!! I'll just say this, This place made me pull a Hasselhoff!! After a few bites I fell to the ground with my Oki-dog in hand and began stuffing my face with it while saying things like, "This is a mess!!!" and "Who said?!?!" and "I'll be fine!!!" and "I nevah have yew!!!" Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! C'mon you've gotta love the Hoff!!

But perhaps one of the great highlights of the night was that right when I was walking out the doors of Oki-dog this guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to buy some of his hip-hop songs!!! It was classic!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!! Oki-dog is a true gathering place and beacon of light to the community of Los Angeles!!!! This food will affect you like few other places will!!! Have your doctor on call with those angioplasty tubes ready to go after you eat this food!!! But you've gotta live, right?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Go to Oki-Dog!!! You WILL not regret it!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Niki's Indian Food: Respect the Food!!!

I've recently discovered Indian Food and find it to be a brilliant departure from the usual pizza, burgers, and tacos that I tend to inhale when the dopamine craving starts flowing through my brain!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!! My usual MO is that when I get hungry, to pack down as much food as I possibly can!!!! It's an absolute highlight of my life and look forward to and obsess over each meal I will eat each day!!!! Some would say it's an unhealthy obsession... But I don't care!!!! Food is the epicenter of my existence!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

So when I came to Niki's, the plan was for me to consume so much food that I would be bleary eyed and in need to be carried out of there on a dolly! However, the food here left me not wanting to do that!! After a few bites of the chicken curry I felt a certain respectful restraint.... The flavors and exotic spices that make up Niki's Indian Food left me with the impression that I would be disrespecting the food here if I ate with the violent irresponsibility I am so accustomed to!! About a quarter of the way in to my meal the thought kept repeating in my head, "Respect the food... Respect the food... Respect the food..." Niki's Indian Food is nothing short of excellent and has the rare ability to keep my irresponsible and uncontrollable eating habits in check!!! I respect this food too much to make it part of my shameful binge eating lifestyle!!! Ahhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!! This place is just too sacred and special!!! Do you want something different and exotic?!?!?! Niki's baby!!! I'll be back Niki!! An exceptional change!!! Yyyyeeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Haus of Pizza: Earn it!!!

All of the buzz, all of the hype, all of the talk surrounding Haus of Pizza is absolutely deserved!!! Absolutely and completely!!!! And why is it deserved you might ask?.... Because they've earned it, that's why!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! This pizza is of the absolute highest quality!!! From the cheese, to the sauce, to the crust, to the toppings, Haus of Pizza is a place of beauty and honor!!!! After I pounded down a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, mushroom, and jalapeño along with a large meatball sandwich, blood rushed to and flooded my stomach like the Mississippi River floods Tunica during a massive rain storm!!!! As I sat staring at that final bite of pizza, my gut was hanging out of my shirt, my stomach was hurting, and I was having difficulty breathing, but I managed to mutter to that one last morsel of food.... "You've earned it Haus of Pizza!!!" Ahhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Oh, and let us not forget that the prices here are excellent! They could easily charge 20% more for their food, but they don't, which makes this place totally affordable!!! Do you want to experience beauty and brilliance combined?!?! Do you?!?! .... Then get on down to Haus of Pizza!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Pizza Port: Can't Get it Out of My Head!!!!

I originally came to Pizza Port because everybody I talk to says that their beer is the best around! I mean they have won multiple gold medals at the Great American Beer Festival in Denver CO, so yeah, I needed to sample this stuff and get myself into a little bit of a malted hops frenzy if you know what I mean!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm not going to lie, this beer is probably the finest I have ever had...EVER!!!! The nuttyness and richness of the Dawn Patrol Brown has completely sunk its teeth in to me, locked it's jaw, and won't let go!!!!! I mean seriously, I can't stop thinking about this beer!!!! It's all I think of morning, noon, and night!!! Honestly, what I really want to do is drive down to San Clemente after work each day and slurp Dawn Patrol's down until I'm numb!! I want to do it!!!!! But, I don't!!! Because if I did, well then, maybe I'd have a problem, right?..... Whatever!!! You want to know what the highlight of my week is?!?!?!?! Do you?!?!?!? The highlight of my week is the moment when I have the time to drive down to San Clemente, pull a seat up at the bar at Pizza Port and suck down a pint or two... or three or four of the Dawn Patrol, baby!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! While at work and if I get a free moment, I just go to the Pizza Port website and stare at their menu and the list of beers they have on tap and dream of sitting at the bar with a cold one while watching a baseball game!!! That's how I roll!! Let's just say when you sit at the bar while nursing your third Dawn Patrol.... You will feel no pain!!!! Believe me!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Also, do not forget about their pizza!! Don't do it!!!! Everybody I talked to kind of poo poo'd their pizza!!! Wrong move guys, wrong move!!!! When I was there the other day, and developed my post buzz hunger, I tried their pizza and found it to be one of the most succulent, delicious, and quality pies I have ever sampled!!! They know what the hell they're doing when it comes to beer and pizza!!!! That's a fact!!! The combination of pizza and beer at Pizza Port reminded me of a lover you have a deep connection with but who is never there when you wake up in the morning!!! (I'm not a mujeriego or anything, don't worry!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!) Now, Pizza Port won't break your heart, but this food and beer plays with your feelings, is easy to obsess over, and will cause you to spend every waking moment of your day thinking about!!! Damn you Pizza Port!!!! Damn you!!!!! I'll be thinking about you today and I long for the moment when we will meet again!!! Pizza Port!!!! Do it now!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!