Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Gilley's: Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places!!!

Upon my recent trip to Vegas, I ended up at this s-hole! Don't ask me how or why, but I just ended up here! Somebody I was with is actually a huge fan of the movie Urban Cowboy, so when we were walking by Treasure Island, well we just had to eat at Gilley's!!! Upon being dragged into Gilley's, my reaction can be summed up best by the words of Lloyd Christmas in the movie Dumb and Dumber, "Yipee!!!" Needless to say, I was a little... no no, I was extremely disappointed when we landed in this inbred, country western lunk head, hang-out!!! When we walked inside, there was a thirty minute wait, so we decided to walk over to the bar or saloon or whatever the hell it's called to have a few pops before our pager buzzed!!! When I walked up to the bar to buy the first round of beers, I was aghast at the selection of beers they had!!!! PBR, Bud Light, Coors, Miller Lite... I mean, really?!?! What the hell is the deal with cowboy's and their piss poor taste in beer?!?!?! I mean, are you guys that unsophisticated and simple that you can't appreciate a craft beer or an import?!?! Or is it that you guys are so close minded and intolerant in your political views that you refuse to experience or support anything outside the borders of the USA?!?!?! And and and... what the hell was the deal with the waitresses?!?! I mean the uniform for a waitress at Gilley's is a bikini with leather chaps!!! Really, Gilley's?!?! I mean, really?!?! Bikini's and leather chaps?!?! Wow!! I mean, how low rent and trashy can you get?!?! How dehumanizing and objectifying can you be towards your fellow human beings?!?!?! Are you really that sexually cheap and immature, cowboy culture, that you get sexually aroused ordering your cheap ass beer from women in bikinis and leather chaps?!?!?! What a disgrace!!! How shameful, cowboy culture is!!! The dude in Deliverance, who has his way with Ned Beatty, is the type of clientele Gilley's is apparently shooting for, but who happen to be straight. However for some, one of the bright spots of American culture is our Country Western culture!! You know, the culture that is musically illiterate with their love of Conway Twitty and Toby Keith, who dance around like absolute jackasses in their cowboy boots and Stetson hats, and who champion people like Hank Williams Jr. and carry him around on their shoulders.... OBAMA!!!!! OWWWHHHHH YEAAAHHHH!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Hank Williams Jr. sucks ass and I'm thrilled to death he no longer does the song for Monday Night Football!!! OK, one last thing and I'm done with this diatribe... They've got a mechanical bull in the bar, just like at the Gilley's in Urban Cowboy!!! And the night we were there they had something going on called, Bikini Bullriding... Once again, a promotion that just screams class and culture!!!! The song from the movie, Lookin' for Love, is absolutely fitting for Gilley's because if your looking for any type of significant relationship with the toothless skanks in this knobby joint, well, you're looking in all the wrong places!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I kept expecting Scott Glenn to walk in wearing his gay ass fish net football jersey with no shirt underneath, Debra Winger by his side, to show Bud how to ride that mechanical bull like a real man!!!! But thank God that didn't happen!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Mercifully, our pager began to vibrate and I was able to get out of that damned saloon!!! We took a seat in the dining room and thankfully the waitresses there were fully clothed!!! Look, despite my disdain for country western culture, I do appreciate the food. I ordered the BBQ Short Rib and found it to be very good! The meat was tender, flavorful, and had the ability to soften my heart towards cowboys... As much as I hate to admit it, the cowboys did something right with their preparation of various meats!!! The sides of potatoes, beans, cole slaw, and corn bread were also very good!! It was a nice, hearty meal that did well in satisfying my hunger!! I can't say that I'll be back to Gilley's, but if you want to hang around some really simple people to boost your self confidence, well, this is the place!!! ... OK look, perhaps I'm being too harsh towards county western folks, but I truly just don't understand the culture!!! Country Western music and culture makes me ashamed to be a white guy!!! I'm ashamed of my race on account of cowboys and hillbillies!!! They're a bunch of simpleton's who discredit the human race!!! You know what, don't support Gilley's! Put this place out of business!! Don't support cowboys and Country Western music!!! Society will be better for it!!! I'm sorry this review is so negative and has flashes of anger!!! But I resent Country Western culture!!!!

Gilley's Saloon, Dance Hall & Bar-B-Que (Treasure Island) on Urbanspoon

1 comment:

  1. As a Vegas local and proud regular of the old Gilley's at the Frontier Hotel, you pretty much got it right except for one HUGE point. This Gilley's club does NOT represent anything even remotely similar to what the country crowd wants or likes.

    The truth is, country people HATE this club. It caters to lost tourists, not the country music crowd or the country lifestyle crowd. When NFR and PBR came into town large numbers of country people came to the club for the first time and turned around and walked right out.

    Hotel management wouldn't know a country bar if it fell on their head. Don't blame country people for that. We had no input into the design or management of the club and rarely, if ever, walk into the place. It's a disgrace to the world of country music and does not reflect any of our values.

    So yes, Gilley's at the TI in Las Vegas sucks, but not because it's country. It sucks because it isn't even close to being country.

    As for the food? Who cares? There are plenty of places in town to get BBQ so there is no reason to stand in line for an over-priced tourist trap on the strip.