Sunday, August 19, 2012

Red Robin: A Corporate Burger Has Never Been This Good!!!!

I don't have a lot of people who read this blog, but I look at the stats every once in awhile and see that there are some people who check this site out!!! Hey, if you're the guy from Sweden, come at me!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I honestly don't care that hardly anybody reads my blog!!!! I'm fine with it!!!!! In the words of Ivan Drago from Rocky IV, I do this blog for me.... For Me!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! It's more of a creative outlet and an escape from my marriage that will soon end!!!!! And I'm sad about that!!!!!!  But look, there is something very important that I want to share with the very limited number of readers who might read my food reviews!!!!!! There is something I lay awake each night pondering, wrestling with, wondering about!!! There is a question that runs through my brain at night regarding how I can live out a certain concept more fully and vibrantly in my life!!!! It has nothing to do with being generous, or kind, helping those who are less fortunate, or stopping wars!!! Though those things are important and I would encourage everybody to be more generous, kind, loving, and peaceful!!!!! But to those who read this blog, if there is one credo, one mantra, one sustaining principle, one life tenet to build the entirety of your existence upon, it would be this.... Be Outeating Your Opponents!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Outeat them I say!!!!!! It's as simple as that!!!!!! When you sit down at the dinner table and stare across the vast spread of food to see your wife, husband, mother, father, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, cousin, nephews, or whoever... that is your opponent!!!!!!!!!! Do you understand that?!?!?!?!?!?! They are your opponents!!!!!! Make absolutely no mistake about that!!!! Don't!!!!! Anybody who you sit down at the table with to have any meal with is your opponent, and when it comes to your opponents, you outeat them!!!!!!!!!! You do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll say it once more, Be Outeating Your Opponents!!! That's what I lay awake at night wondering about!!! How can do a better job of outeating my opponents!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
So with that, I went to Red Robin Gourmet Burgers not long ago and decided that I was going to put my money where my mouth was and outeat my opponents!!!!! And who were my opponents that day?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Everybody in the g-damn restaurant, that's who!!!!!!!!! I wanted to make damn well sure that when I walked out the doors of Red Robin that afternoon, nobody else would walk in during operating hours and devour more food than I would!!!! Hell, I wanted to make sure that nobody that week, or even for the entire year would eat more food than me during my visit to Red Robin!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Actually, I'm a Red Robin veteran but had not been in quite some time!!!!!!! I've eaten there on a number of occasions and used to go pretty regularly and kept returning due to their fine tasting burgers and bottomless steak fries!!!!!!!! It's a lot of g-damn food, baby!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! 
What brought me back to Red Robin however was that I was cleaning out some old drawers in my office and found two Red Robin gift cards!!!!! I couldn't remember if they had been used or not, so one afternoon I decided to have lunch at Red Robin and find out if there was any remaining balance on these bad boys!!! If not, then I'd just pay full-price and it'd be a glorious meal and moment for me!!!!!! When I walked in to Red Robin and sat at the bar, I asked the nice lady behind the counter if she could check the balance of my newly discovered Red Robin gift cards!!!! Her response: "Wow, these are really old!!!" I guess the design on them hadn't been seen in quite some time!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! When she ran them through the computer she informed me that both of them had $25 on them!!!! $50 worth of food at Red Robin?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Oh yes indeed!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I was so so starving when I walked into Red Robin that afternoon for lunch!!!! The ketosis in my body was evident as my breath smelled weird and I could feel the fat from my gut being cleaved to provide energy to my weary calorie deficient body!!!!!!!
So in wanting to walk the talk as well as living out my faith when it comes to my life motto of "Outeat Your Opponent", I ordered 5, count em' five burgers from Red Robin that afternoon!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! And that included the bottomless fries that comes with them!!!!!!!!!
When I placed my order, the woman taking my order asked me if I was getting this to-go, to take back to people in my office?!?!?!?! Uhhhhhhhh, nope!!!! These are all for me and I will be enjoying them here at the bar!!!! She paused and asked, "are you serious?!?!" Hey, I am serious as the heart attack I'll probably have after eating five burgers in a row!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! "Do you want them all at once or do you want me to bring them to you one after another?!" she asked!!!!! "One after another!" I told her! This was going to be so awesome!!!!!!! I love eating and I love food!!!!!!! More than anything!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
In ordering, I wanted a good variety and range of the burgers that Red Robin has to offer so I decided on the Prime Chophouse Burger, The Sauteed Shroom Burger, The Burnin' Love Burger, the Guacamole Bacon Burger, and the Blue Ribbon Burger!!!!!!
Let me just say right off the bat, that a corporate burger restaurant has no business being this good!!!!!! Jesus God Red Robin burgers are tasty!!!!! The quality of meat is fantastic, the seasoning they use for the beef is world class, the toppings are fresh, and the combinations of veggies and sauces they use for their burgers are dreamlike!!!!!!!!! Make no mistake that this is highly addictive food that I dream of all throughout the day and week!!!!!! As I'm lying in bed at night, I don't think about making love to my wife or what I can do to salvage our deteriorating marriage, but rather I think of how soon I can get back to Red Robin and what burger(s) I'm going to devour once I get there!!!!!! Do I have a problem?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Do I?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! 
OK, so the first burger was the Prime Chophouse Burger!!! This was probably my favorite of the five burgs I had!!!! The Prime Chophouse had on it horseradish, mushrooms, onion strings, provolone, and a dijon sauce!!!! This burger was so flavorful and juicy!!!!! Horseradish sauce on a burger is genius!!!!! I had never had that before, but absolutely loved it and will now make horseradish as a staple topping for every single burger I eat from here on out!!!!!!!!! Wow this was a good burger!!!
Next was the Sauteed Shroom  Burger!!!!!! I too loved this burger!!!! I absolutely love mushrooms on everything!!! Be it burgers, pizza, quesadillas, you name it and I love mounds and mounds of sauteed mushrooms on whatever it is!!!!!! And these particular shrooms on the Sauteed Shroom Burger combined with Swiss cheese and chipotle mayo that comes on it was filled with so much tastiness and so much goodness, that the Catholics could probably substitute this burger in place of their holy water!!!!!!!! If I was a priest not only would I bless holy water, but I would bless this burger and implement it into baptism and whatever else holy water is used for!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Thirdly they brought out the Burnin' Love Burger!!!!!! I love spicy food!!!!! This burger came with jalepeno's, salsa, pepperjack cheese, lettuce, tomato, and chipotle mayo!!!!!! Again, the flavor combinations on this burger were phenomonal!!!!! It tasted so good going down, but later that night, my ass was on fiiiiiyyyyyaaaaaahhhhhh, if you know what I mean!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 
Fourth, they brought out the Guacamole Bacon Burger!!! This is a decent burger!!!! I mean, it's a good burger, and I have no real complaints about it, but it was the one I felt least enthusiastic about. But if you like Guacamole Bacon Burgers, then you will enjoy this burg!!!!!!! 
Lastly, I had the Blue-Ribbon Burger!!!!! I really loved this grilled beef sandwich creation!!!!! I love Blue-Cheese dressing, and to put it on a burger is nothing short of Stephen Hawking genius!!!!! It had on it blue-cheese, onion strings, lettuce, tomato, and chipotle mayo!!!!!! Beautiful, just beautiful I say!!!!!! I was so emotionally moved by the flavor of these burgers, that I'm not ashamed to admit that tears were welling up in my eyes with each bite I took!!!!!! I'm not ashamed to admit that!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
With each of the burgers they came with bottomless steak fries!!!!!!! I don't even know how many baskets of fries I had that day, but let's just say it was a lot!!!!!! I can honestly say that I had more starch in my belly that day than a high end business man has in his laundry room!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 
When my food was gone, the nice lady brought me over my bill, but I told her I wanted to order dessert!!!! "Are you serious?!?!" she asked!!!!! "Yes!" I replied!!!! I needed something sweet to balance out all the saltiness and spiciness!!!!! So, I went for a monster sized Cookie Magic milkshake which is basically a chocolate milkshake with Oreo crumbles and a few rainbow sprinkles!!!!! Being that it was monster sized it came with a refill in that silver tin shake can!!! This was a fabulous fabulous shake!!!! Really rich, creamy, and sweet!!!! I would definitely order this shake again!!!! Soooooooooo good!!!!!!!!
OK look! I'm not going to lie!! I ate all of that Red Robin food at around 11:30am and I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day, and even skipped breakfast the next morning!!!!! I was really full and felt pretty sick afterwards because there was just so much food in my stomach!!!!!! But was it worth it?!?!?!?!?!?! YES!!!!!!!!! Plus I slept well that night knowing that I had fulfilled my life's vison and purpose for the day by outeating all of my opponents!!!!! I know there are people out there who can eat way more than me, but I slept well knowing that I had probably eaten the most in one sitting for the year at Red Robin, maybe ever!!!!!!! Wouldn't that be an honor?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
If you want a good burger, then look no further than Red Robin!!!!!!!! Absolutely outstanding and flavorful burgers!!!!!!! Plus you can't beat the fact that they have bottomless fries which are really good when you put the Red Robin seasoning on them!!!!!!!!!! Outeat your opponents when you come here, and you will feel so much peace and goodness in your heart!!!!! But just make sure that you don't outeat me!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Do this place and do it hard!!!!!!!!!











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