Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Islands Fine Burgers & Drinks: Island Style, Brah!!!!

For whatever reason, I've been on a real corporate restaurant kick lately!!!! I usually don't go corporate with my eating, but recently I've had a rebirth of sorts when it comes to my appreciation of multi-location chain eateries!!!! "You are witnesses of the re-birth of Spinal Tap!!!! Hope you enjoy our new direction!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Has anybody seen that movie?!?!?!?!?!?! Come at me if you have!!!!!!! So classic!!!!!!!!
So, I had a day off recently and just needed some time away to be by myself and eat a lot of food and drink a lot of beer!!!! I mean, what else do you do if you have a day off from work and nothing to do?!?!?!?!?! You overeat and get drunk, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
With my recent infatuation with corporate burger places, there is an Islands on Tustin Ave. that I drive by all the time but have never actually been to!!!! I've been to the Islands in Irvine when I worked close by there a few years back and I used to meet some friends at the Islands in Laguna Hills a long long time ago, but that one has since closed down!!!
Anyway, with a day to kill and with the need to stuff my mouth full of greasy nourishment and multiple malted hops beverages, my plan was to hit Islands on Tustin Ave. just as happy hour was starting so I could get beer and appetizers on the cheap and experience fulfillment, satisfaction, and euphoria that nothing else in this life can bring!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
But, happy hour doesn't start until 4pm at Islands, so I had some time to waste!!!!! What to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?! How about going into the air conditioned dollar theater at the Main Place Mall?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Does that make me weird?!?!?!?!?!?! Going to the movies in the middle of the day all by myself?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Whatever, I don't care!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! OK, so this is why I hate going to the movies!!! When I walked into the the theater, it was practically empty!!!! Great, I've got the whole theater to myself so I can enjoy the film with no distractions!!!! But just as the lights were going down, some douche bag walks into the theater and sits down directly in front of me!!!!!! Dude, we're sitting in an empty g-damn theater full of many good seats and you have to sit down right in front of me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Dammit that was annoying!!!!!! And on top of that the guy kept taking out his cell phone and checking his e-mails and text messages during the movie!!!!!! Note to movie-goers: When you take your cell phone out and start playing with it in a dark theater in the middle of a movie, it's a massive distraction for those sitting behind you and beside you!!!!!!! There are people in the world who exist other than you!!!!!!!! What the hell is with people and their lack of common courtesy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Eventually, I got up and moved to a different part of the theater!!!!!! But let me just say that I am not a proponent of government sanctioned killings!!!!!! However, if you bring a screaming baby into a movie theater, if you talk during a movie, or if you take out your cell phone to text or take a call in the middle of a movie, you effing deserve the death penalty!!!!!!!!!!! If you do any of those things, our government should take you out into the middle of the street and shoot you in a firing line for all the public to see!!!!!! Old school public execution style!!!!! I swear to Christ I'm not exaggerating and would wholeheartedly support legislation to punish rude a-holes who lack common courtesy and fail to acknowledge the existence of others at movie theaters!!!!!!!!! Shesus that's irritating!!!!!!!
OK, sorry for the negativity!!!!! When the movie was over it was 4pm and it was the happiest hour of the day at Islands Fine Burgers and Drinks!!!!!!!!!! Hhhhhhhuuuuuuuyyyyyyeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I walked in to Islands and took a seat at the bar!!!!! The first thing I noticed about Islands is that they have a fantastic atmosphere!!!!! The whole place is decorated Island style and has the feel of a beach bar, like you're walking up from the sand after a long surfing session and need to throw back a few beers!!!!!!!!! Also, the way they configure their TV's in the bar is great!!!!! They have 3 large flat screen TV's all right next to each other in a U-shape that follows the pattern of the bar, so whatever part of the U-shaped bar you are sitting on, you have a large flat screen right in front of you so it's ideal for watching sports while sucking back beer and food!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! After my bad experience at the theater earlier, I desparately needed some high powered endorphins to flow through my brain to cheer me up and help me forget about what had just happened!!!!! And what better way to do that than by eating and drinking a tremendous amount of food and beer!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
My first order of business: Beer!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!! It was hot and muggy and a lighter tasting ice-cold lager sounded brilliant!!!!! The beer of choice for the day was an Islands Golden Lager!!!! This was a medium bodied pale lager with some hints of fruit!!!!! This beer was ice-cold and was so good tasting!!!!! The bartender mentioned to me that Karl Strauss does the brewing of Islands beers!!!!!! Such a good beer and I will return to Islands just to drink that golden colored lager!!!!!! So with a pint of beer in my empty belly, the alcohol was making me dizzy and my stomach started to shake like a 7.9 magnitude earthquake in the Phillipines!!!!!!! Hey, God bless the people of the Phillipines!! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!!
To satisfy my booze induced hunger, I started off with Spinach Artichoke Dip, Beachside Sliders, and Tiki Tenders which are chicken strips!!!!!! All of these appetizers were nothing short of amazing!!!! The Spinach Artichoke Dip was hot, moist, and rich and had the ability to make me understand why Tweekers have difficulty getting clean!!!! When something makes you feel that good and brings that much pleasure to your body, you don't ever ever want to let it go!!!!!! This Spinach Artichoke Dip was so good that I am now a sympathizer of drug addicts!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! I know why you guys cant stop using!!!!!! I get it!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahashahaha!!!! Though drug addiction is no laughing matter...
Next were the Beachside Sliders!!!!! OK, no joke, maybe the best sliders I have ever had... EVER!!!!!!! Unbelievable!!!!! The buns on these things were toasted to perfection and the carmelized onions as well as the melted cheese and beef doused in ketchup made me want to curl up in a little ball and never ever leave Islands Fine Burgers and Drinks!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! To finish off my appetizer time, were the Tiki Tenders!!!!! These were fine!!! Nothing special, but good nonetheless!!!!! They had a nice crispiness and spice to them which made them go great with the beer!!!!
After appetizers I was ready for the main course, or should I say main courses!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Islands is known for their burgers, so, I went with three burgers off of their menu!!!!!!! I would've had more but I had three pretty hearty appetizers!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The burgers I went with were the Kilauea Burger, Hula Burger, and the Bluenami!!!! Just before I placed my order of three burgers the nice lady behind the bar thought I was going to leave as she was getting my check ready, but NO!!!!! I was only getting started!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! When I asked her for those three burgs, she just kind of looked at me with a blank stare for a few moments and then said, "OK." The first burg I had was the Kilauea!!!! This had on it jalapeno's, pepper jack cheese, and a spicy chipotle mayo along with lettuce tomato and onions!!!! The Kilauea is a phenomenal burger!!! It was pretty damn spicy though, I'm not going to lie!!!!! Very juicy and full of flavor!!!! An excellent burg!!!! Second was the Hula Burger!!!! The Hula had on it mushrooms, swiss, lettuce and tomato's!!!!! This was probably my favorite burger at Islands!!! When I took that first bite into the Hula, the flavors that met my tongue were so pleasing that I proceeded to devour this burger like a pelican sitting on the rail at Huntington Beach Pier devours a fish!!!!!! Like, they just put the fish in their long beaks and swallow the damn thing whole!!!!!! That was me eating the Hula!!!!! It was so g-damn good that I finished it off in like three bites!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! At this point in my meal, I started to hit the dreaded food wall and was worried that I wouldn't be able to finish off the last burger of the day, the Bluenami!!!!! I needed an injection of Ghrelin into my system to complete my Islands experience!!!!! More Ghrelin!!!!! More Ghrelin I say!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! For the Bluenami, I was going to have to push through the pain, but in the end it would prove to be well worth it!!!!!!!! The Bluenami had on it Blue Cheese as well as lettuce, tomato, and onion!!! Again, this was a fabulous burger!!!! The meat was so juicy and tender and to combine that with the blue cheese on it made pushing myself to finish this meal a painless conclusion to my journey!!!!!!! When I had polished off the last bite of the Bluenami and pushed the empty basket away from me, the bartender came over to me with a look of disbelief on her face and said, "I've never seen anybody eat that much food before!" YEAH!!!!!!!! Success!!!!!! She then nervously asked me, "Do you want anything else?"
"Well, being that you've asked," I said, "How about a chocolate milkshake to wash it all down!"
"Wow!" she exclaimed! "I've never seen anybody consume so much in one sitting!!"
"Thank you," I replied... Why the hell do the last five sentences of this review read like a book?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Anyway, the real end of the journey was capped off with an Islands Chocolate Shake!!!! This shake was so rich and so creamy that it's not even fair!!! Is there any justice in the world?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! No!!!!!! After slurping up this shake, I thought to myself, "It's not fair!!!!!! This is so g-damn good that it isn't even fair!!!!!! Not even!!!!!!" Quite possibly the best milkshake I have ever had in all my time here on planet earth!!!!! Wow!!!!! Oh, and the fries are OK... Not the best I've ever had but OK.
In conclusion, I would wholeheartedly recommend Islands Fine Burgers and Drinks!!!! The saying 'all things in moderation' does not seem to apply to me!!!! I've yet to experience the benefits of moderation!!!! Or subconsciously, I just don't believe in moderation!!!! We'll go with the latter!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! When it comes to Islands Fine Burgers and Drinks, Chris Farley said it best in the movie Black Sheep when he was stoned on the stage with Mudhoney when he screamed, "You've got yourself some kick as* sh*t!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Eat hard, or don't eat at all!!!!!! I love you Islands!!!!!!!

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