Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Cafe Zoetrope: Smells Like.... Victory!!!!

Recently, I spent a long weekend up in San Francisco!!!!! I love San Francisco!!!!!! The vibe, the intellectual feel, the preserved history!!!!!! The Bay Area is truly a treasure here in the USA!!!! Upon walking the streets of North Beach, Union Square, the Mission,  the Financial District and Berkeley, I discovered that San Francisco is quite possibly one of the most astonishingly great eating cities in the entire world!!!!! For real!!!!!Every single street I walked down, there were numerous restaurants that looked as though they had so much character, like they had been around for years and had been through so much of the history that encapsulates everything that is San Francisco!!!!!! And that's not to mention that these restaurants were discharging some of the most succulent smelling food aroma's that I had ever encountered in my entire life!!!! Wow!!!!!! I mean, San Francisco!!!!!!!! What an incredible eating utopia!!!!!! Though it's known for its large population of red commie bastards, inordinant political correctness, and over the top socially conscious activists and hippies, San Francisco without a g-damn doubt puts out some of the most beautiful tasting, fat filled, over-indulgent comfort food that any one person on the entire planet earth could ever know!!!!!! ..... EVER!!!!!! I know in the past I have said the same thing about Chicago, but I feel a calling, as though Destiny is speaking directly to me, even as I type these words, to move to the Bay Area and do nothing but eat!!!!!!!! With all the amazing tasting food, and never ending restaurant selections, a mind and stomach like my own could have free reign and I could reach my full potential in life!!!! Simply stated, there would never be a purer joy experienced in life than becoming an expert on the San Francisco eating scene!!!! That term 'purer joy' ain't no exaggeration either!!!!! I completely and fully mean that!!!!!! There would be no purer joy than to sulk and bathe in the San Francisco eating scene for the rest of my g-damn days, sampling everything on each menu, writing food reviews, all the while gaining hundreds of pounds and getting drunk out of my mind!!!!! It's probably worth the health hazards!!!!!!!! I don't care!!!! Talk about making the most out of ones life, that's what life is all about right there, right?!?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! With that, the next number of reviews I blog, will all be Bay Area restaurants!!!!!!!! I mean going to as many restaurants as you can in just a few days and then overreating at each of them so as to write an honest and thoughtful review isn't that easy!!!!!!!! I seriously must've gained about 10 pounds while in SF and for the past few days have been emitting some of the most toxic gas from my ass that I ever have!!!!!! It smells like a g-damn skunk died in my bedroom!!!! My body is freaking out with all of this food that was stuffed into my stomach day after day while up there!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 
So, I went up to San Francisco because I have some family up that way, and I needed to get away from my bickering and bitter wife for a few days!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Note to all of you single people out there who have never been married but would like to some day: The person you marry on your wedding day, will not be the same person five years later!!! And that goes for both people involved!!!!!! Be ready to make adjustments, be willing to compromise, apologize frequently (mainly if your the man), and wake up each morning and make the decision to commit to your spouse and to love them!!!!! I believe it was Stephen Stills who said it best: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with!" Stephen Stills is absolutely correct!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, upon getting off of the plane the first place I was taken while in San Francisco was a place called Cafe Zoetrope in the Nob Hill neighborhood!!!!!! Cafe Zoetrope is located in an amazing looking greenish colored building which I was told was one of the few structures that was around during the great San Francisco quake of 1906 which didn't collapse!!!!!!!! Plus, I have seen this building many times in pictures and postcards, but had no idea that it was Cafe Zoetrope!!!!!!! Also, the building, and Cafe Zoetrope itself is owned by acclaimed movie director, Francis Ford Coppola!!!!!! Cool!!!! Upon walking in to Cafe Zoetrope there are many pictures on the wall of famous scenes and actors from Coppola's films, plus there are pictures of Coppola with Spielberg, Scorcese, and George Lucas just to name a few!!!!! One guy who I struck up a converstaion with at the bar, which happened to be pouring none other than Francis Ford Coppola Zinfandel and Chardonnay, told me that it was in this very building that The Godfather was edited by Coppola and that Lucas conceived Star Wars!!!!! Wow!!!!! What a place of cinematic significance!!!!!! I had no idea I was walking into living history!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
OK, on to the food!!!!!!! First off, I gotta say that I'm not used to eating food that is this finely prepared and carries the sophistication of flavors that the Italian fare Cafe Zoetrope does!!!!!! Hell, I just ate five burgers from Red Robin a few weeks back for Christ's sake!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! But all of this Italian food was amazing and unforgettable!!!!! The first thing they brought out to us was a Caesar Salad along with a salad of romaine lettuce and shrimp!!!!!! The sweet vinegar based dressing as well as the freshness of the produce and shrimp were absolutely divine!!!! I'm not a salad guy and seek to avoid it at all costs, but this salad was surreal tasting!!!!!! Excellent flavors!!! Next, they brought out these green beans with hazelnuts shaved over them!!!! Again, I don't like to eat things that are green, unless it's jalapeno's on pizza or lettuce on burgers, but these green beans were so phenomenal tasting as they entered into my mouth and met my palette!!!! I went back to the family style bowl these beans were served in and kept shoveling scoop after scoop and put it on to my plate!!!!!!! I mean, I couldn't stop eating these green beans!!!! So flavorful and such good balance between the salty beans and sweet hazelnuts!!!!! After the beans, they brought us out some of their pizza!!!!! Lets just say that this isn't your typical neighborhood pizzeria!!!!! This dough, sauce and cheese was honestly of some of the highest quality I have ever eaten in all of my years of living!!!!! I could've disposed of this pizza into my mouth all g-damn night and never ever have gotten full!!!!!! The flavors were that good!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Next out was this spinach pie as well as a mushroom and cheese pie!!!! Good God!!!!! Everything about these pies caused me to question every decision I have ever made in life from the college major I chose to the career choice I made!!!! Maybe I should have pursued a job that payed me more money, that I might have been unhappy in, but could have then afforded to eat food that is of a higher caliber and has more complexity in flavors than what I grew up on and am used to!!!!!!!! It might be worth it to do something for a living you hate and are miserable with for the rest of your life so as to be able to afford fine tasting food!!!!!!!!! It's a good tradeoff!!!! I really am coming to believe that!!!! Food is that important and life fulfilling!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Wow!!!!! The crust on these pies were so tender, and the spinach, and mushrooms and cheese were so savory I might've believed that at that moment I had reached the pinnacle of human existence!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Following these pies, the waiters plopped down on our table this chicken with green olives that was one of the most succulent, moist, and flavorful pieces of meat I have ever sampled in my life!!!!!!!!!! Holy God, this chicken fell off the bone the exact moment it touched my lips!!!!!!!!!! It was that tender and good!!!!!! As my stomach started to fill up and as I started to feel like that guy at the beginning of the movie Se7en who eats himself to death, they capped off our meal by giving us this huge bowl of pasta with pesto sauce as well as a huge bowl of a sausage and fennel pasta that was so g-damn gratifying to eat, that I began to believe that Coppola had made a good decision in making The Godfather Part 3!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! That movie was so bad, but after eating this pasta, it probably should've won the Academy Award for best picture!!!!! Not even joking!!!!! Not even joking!!!!!!! The food and Cafe Zoetrope has the power and ability to change your long held reasonable opinions on film!!!!!!!! Godfather 3 was a masterpiece!!!!!!!! A masterpiece I say!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Needless to say, the food at Cafe Zoetrope was spectacular!!!!!!! Coppola is a genius, not only as a film and wine maker, but as the owner of this substinence providing Italian eatery in Nob Hill!!!!!!! When in Nob Hill, do this place!!!! Don't hold back!!!!! Hell, maybe you'll see Coppola in their as there's a private booth in the corner that is his, and which he comes in to eat at and write!!!!!! Be sure to overreat and get drunk off of Coppola's wine!!!!!! That's how you do it right there!!!!!!!! I love Cafe Zoetrope and give it a resounding thumbs up!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Charlie don't surf!!!!!!!!

Cafe Zoetrope on Urbanspoon

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