Chili's Grill and Bar: Friday Night They'll be Dressed to Kill, Down at Chili's Grill & Bar... Hey Wait! That Doesn't Rhyme!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!

I believe it was Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers franchise who very brilliantly and eloquently spoke these beautiful thoughtful words which comprise one of the most emotionally moving sayings in the history of the English Language!!!! And that includes Anglo Saxon!!!! These words I speak of?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Get ready for them, because here they come!!!!!!.... "I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back...." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Chili's baby!!!!!! When it comes to restaurants I like to eat at and review for this blog, I like to go with the non-corporate, neighborhood places!!!!! Sometimes I go corporate or fast food, but not usually!!!!! Recently however, somebody gave my wife a gift card to Chili's as a "Thank You" for her work as a teacher, so it seemed as though fate was speaking to us and pointing us towards the fine corporate eatery known as Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!!! And not to give too much of my findings away about my experience at Chili's but, Fate, I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!! At least this time I thank you!!!!!!! Sometimes we have a rough go of things and I consider you to be my bitch lover!!!!!! But this time, Fate, you were good to me!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Anywho, my wife hates Chili's so in a rare form of generosity on her part, she handed me her Chili's gift card along with two words, "have fun!" Huuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I love my wife!!!! Just as long as she doesn't divorce me, which she probably will!!!!!!! So, a Sunday or two ago, the Mrs. wasn't home and I was totally bored and it was so g-damn hot out!!!! With that, I looked into my wallet, saw the Chili's card and thought to myself, "Well, I've got my Sunday planned!!!!!!" YESSSSS!!!!!!

In my early twenties, when I was right out of college, me and a couple of buddies would meet at Chili's Grill & Bar about once a week to drink beer and watch sports!!!! I always remembered the food being tasty and the memories positive, but it had been quite awhile since I had walked through the doors of a Chili's Grill & Bar!!!!!!! One of the habits that I have formed as I've gotten a little older is that when I get bored, I drink!!!!! Day drinking is actually pretty fun!!!! I used to force myself to wait until dinner time to begin imbibing!!! But when in a really bad marriage and bored off your ass on a weekend day, getting sloppy and overeating is a perfect way to spend a day and cope with the difficulties of life!!!!! That's truth!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

When I walked in to Chili's I took a seat at the bar and unfolded the menu sitting on the counter top!!!! One of the first things you'll notice when you walk in to the bar is that Chili's prides themselves on their margarita's!!!!! I'm more of a beer and wine guy, but hey, I can do an ice-cold margarita on a hot and humid day!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! So when the bartender approached me and asked me if I wanted a margarita, my response: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Needless to say, I started off my time at Chili's with a margarita!!! Like I said, I'm not a huge margarita drinker, but this margarita was ice-cold, full of flavor and wasted no time in getting me where I wanted to be that afternoon!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! After I had gotten the juices flowing so to speak with my margarita, I saw that they had Samuel Adams Summer Ale of tap!!!!! There is quite possibly no better beer to drink in the midst of 90 degrees and humidity in the middle of July than a Samuel Adams Summer Ale!!!!! So crisp, refreshing, and thirst quenching they could serve that malted hops beverage to guys who are in the middle of running the Boston Marathon and likely get exactly zero complaints!!!!!!! I'd absolutely bet on that!!!!! By the time I had polished off my margarita and two pints of Samuel, I was a little drowsy, if you know what I mean!!!! It was time soak up that alcohol with some snacks and satisfy the hunger the booze was bringing about!!!! One of the great things about the happy hour at Chili's is that they give you free chips and salsa!!!!! And, these are good chips and salsa and they come in a huge basket!!!!! The chips are fresh, crunchy, and oily while the salsa is of a high quality!!!!!!! I had them bring me out a plate of chips and salsa and they were nothing short of brilliant and life altering!!!!

As my appetite increased even more after eating the chips and salsa, I looked into the eyes of the bartender and ordered a Mushroom-Swiss Burger as well as a Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger!!! As I was ordering, the bartender began setting two places for food as though I was ordering for somebody meeting me at the bar later, but no!!!!! I had him remove the extra set of silver ware and napkins and communicated to him that both of these burgers will be for a party of one!!!!! Upon hearing that both burgers were for me, he slowly nodded his head and said, “OK. That’s impressive.”  And then a few minutes later... out they came!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

First, I tackled the Mushroom-Swiss Burger!!!! This was a very good burger!!! The combination of the juicy beef with the Swiss cheese and sautéed shitake mushrooms was mind blowing!!!!! Remember that Maxell tape add in the 80’s when the guy is sitting in his living room chair listening to music off of a Maxell tape and his shades are on and his hair is blowing back?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That was me eating this burger!!!!! I was blown away!!!! It was so flavorful and impressive!!!!!! A beautiful beautiful burger!!!! Next, I went for the Shiner Bock Barbeque burger!!!! This too was an amazing burger!!!!! It had on it cheddar cheese, onion strings, and savory sweet Shiner Bock BBQ!!!! Also, there is something about eating food associated with Texas themed beer in horrid humidity that adds to this eating experience!!!! Again, wonderfully seasoned beef and flavor combinations on the Shiner Bock Barbecue Burger that make for a truly delightful eating moment!!!! Also, the fries at Chili’s are wonderful!!!! I love their fries!!!!! Whatever seasoning they sprinkle on to them makes for one of the best fried potato experiences in the history of corporate restaurant America!!!!! You can print that in the papers!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After all the saltiness of my meal, I needed something sweet!!!! I looked at the back part of the menu and saw that they had chocolate milkshakes for $3.99!!!! It seemed like a perfect way to cap off my time at Chili’s!!!! However, I’ve gotta say that the chocolate milkshakes at Chili’s are wildly disappointing. The shake lacked a strong chocolaty flavor and was overly runny, like I was drinking a bland glass of chocolate milk. Honestly, I could’ve made a better chocolate shake at home, and for much cheaper. In the future, I will skip the chocolate shake from Chili’s. But other than that, Chili’s Bar & Grill was fantastic!!!!! I would wholeheartedly recommend Chili’s for their burgers, fries, margaritas, and happy hour!!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!! I love Chili’s and will be back very soon!!!! No doubt!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!!  

Chunk-n-Chip: Manna From Heaven!!!!!

I'm starting to pick up a little bit of momentum and confidence when it comes to food trucks!!! I've been visiting many of them for some months now, but have only just been getting small samples of what they have to offer and haven't had many serious meals from them!!!! However, not long ago I came across the Chunk-n-Chip ice-cream sandwich truck, by accident believe it or not, at a food truck gathering here in Orange County and almost instantaneously fell in love!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Chunk-n-Chip specializes in homemade ice-cream sandwiches and hands down they are some of the sweetest, most delectable, flavorful creations of baked sweet sugary goodness that exists in this fair country of ours!!!!!! This truck reminds me of Diddy Riese in Westwood, and though Diddy Riese is amazing and I would absolutely never ever ever ever ever disparage those fine desert concoctions that the UCLA student body and faculty frequents and is no doubt a Los Angeles institution, Chunk-n-Chip I would say is a bit more creative and edgy with their ice-cream sandwiches!!!! Chunk-n-Chip has many distinct cookie creations as well as unique ice-cream flavors and when you put the two of them together, forget it!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Has anybody seen that movie Stripes with Bill Murray and Harold Ramis?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! "Lee Harvey.... You are a madman!!!!.... That time that you made it with the cow?!?!?! The two of us together, forget it!!!!!" Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Anyway, the other day with my belly filled with the salty, fatty, greasy bar food goodness that one sucks down while tipping multiple pints of Samuel Adams Summer Ale on a hot muggy summer afternoon, I began craving something savory and sweet!!!!! With the knowledge via Twitter that Chunk-n-Chip would be down in the Orange County area from Los Angeles, I just couldn't pass this opportunity up to have one of their sando's!!!!! I mean, I couldn't pass the opportunity up to have Chunk-n-Chip anymore than Rahcel Uechetel could pass up on the opportunity of wrecking Tiger Woods' marriage and then extorting many millions of dollars out of him to stay silent and not reveal any of the juicy details of their love affair!!!!!! How'd that one work out for you, Tiger?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I know I know... Home wreckers are bad!!!!!
The Chunk-n-Chip ice cream truck I saw was going to be at Beckman High School in Irvine, and though I had to drive a little ways, it wasn't too far for me to make my way down there!!! The day I was at Beckman HS getting ready to pulverize Chunk-n-Chip sandwiches like Mike Tyson did to Robin Givens, it was hot and humid and drops of sweat were sliding to the edge of my nose and dripping to the ground with each step I took!!! My shirt was soaked with moisture and it felt like I was riding on a riverboat casino across the Delta in Tunica, Mississippi!!!!! I mean, damn it was hot and muggy!!!! And to shove down multiple freezing cold ice-cream sandwiches to bring my core temperature to a reasonable level sounded magnificent and refreshing!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So, when I walked up to the Chunk-n-Chip truck I ordered a chocolate chip cookie sandwich with rocky road ice-cream, as well as a chocolate brownie cookie sandwich with a white chocolate ice-cream in the middle!!!! At Chunk-n-Chip, they refer to their sandwiches as "Boo-Yah's!" At first I though it was kind of funny that Chunk-n-Chip names their dessert products after a tacky hip-hop saying from the early 90's... but whatever! To each their own!!! After trying a "Boo-Yah" I'm kind of used to the name and have warmed up to the notion of calling Chunk-n-Chip sandwiches "Boo-Yah's!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Mad love Chunk-n-Chip!!! First off, the chocolate chip cookie sandwich! The cookies were absolutely divine!!! Like, it was manna from heaven that Moses had called down from above after leading the Israelites through the wilderness when they were starving and out of food!!!! These cookies were so warm and gooey, and with that rocky road, it made for one of the most delicious ice-cream sandwiches, ever!!!!!!!! No lie!!!!!!! There were chocolate stains all over my face and hands from the warm melted chocolate chips, and constantly I had to lick my fingers and wipe my face with each bite I took!!!!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!! Next I moved on to the brownie cookie with white chocolate ice-cream!!!! Again, this cookie was simply stunning to taste when it entered my mouth!!! It was so sweet and delicious and combined with a certain chunkiness of the white chocolate ice-cream I would've been open to kneeling down to and offering human sacrifices to the Chunk-n-Chip truck had I not known any better or if this world we live in were completely uncivilized, free from Spanish Catholic influence!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Afterwards, when my Chunk-n-Chip sando's were completely consumed, my sweet tooth was satisfied to the fullest extent possible!!!!! Also, when I payed for my sandwiches, the lovely young lady taking orders asked me for my phone number, but I think it was because she needed it for my credit card transaction!!!! Either way, it made me feel like a stud, and made my trip to Chunk-n-Chip even more memorable!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Anytime you see the Chunk-n-Chip truck, you owe it to yourself to get over to them and pound their lovely dessert sando's to no end!!!!!! Do it!!!!!! You will be filled with the presence of God!!!!!!! I love you Chunk-n-Chip!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza: A Newport Beach Drunkards Dream!!!!

There is just something about hole in the wall pizza places near the beach!!!!! The smell of salt water mixed with suntan lotion combined with the cool ocean breeze and the pungent odor of beach sewage spewing from a busted pipe somewhere, coupled with baked dough, melted mozzarella cheese, and spicy tomato sauce makes for one of the most glorious and reminiscent odors known to humankind!!!!!! That's a fact!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!! While I was going to college up in LA back in the day, I had a friend whose family had a place on Balboa Peninsula!!!! On Thursday nights we would drive down to the Peninsula and man would it be popping off!!!! The Blue Beet, Blackies, Mutt Lynch's, Sharkeez, The District, Cabo Cantina!!!!! The booze would be flowing, the music blaring, and many young Newport Beachers would be laughing, screaming and dancing in an attempt to blow off steam from the stressful week of managing their vast inheritances or allowances that their parents gave to them!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Newport Beach is a g-damned party year round!!!!!!! Thursday nights and Sunday afternoons are when the locals let loose and tip multiple beers and cocktails on the way to the most glorious feeling one can ever experience in life: the feeling of alcohol running through your bloodstream dizzying up your brain!!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
And when the bars close at 2am, and when your belly is full of all kinds of different distilled beverages and malted hopped brews, there is a human need that rises to the forefront of our existence!!!!! What that might be you ask?!?!?!?!?!?! It is the need for pizza after a long night of drinking!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
A few weeks back, I was tooling around the Balboa Peninsula when I came across Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza!!!! That smell of hole in the wall pizza place near the ocean brought back childhood memories of hanging out at Sunset Beach during the summer, while Laventina's itself brought back memories of searching for something salty and cheesy to eat on a Thursday night after a long night of carousing!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Anybody who drinks in Newport reguarly or who lives there knows the significance and tradition of ordering an inexpensive Laventina's pie once the bars close!!!!!!! And that's the thing about Laventina's!!!! It's decent pizza for not a lot of money!!!! So when you've blown your wad of cash on Martini's and pints of imported beer at the Newport bars, you can still afford a whole pizza for yourself to take home with you to sop up all of the alcohol in your system!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Quick story!!! One night while in college I got really drunk in Newport with some friends!!!! Afterwards we went to Laventina’s and each ordered an entire large cheese pizza for ourselves to decimate!!!!! Within minutes, I had polished mine off and almost immediately began feeling sick!!! The alcohol coupled with the great speed I had consumed my food made me thow up in a matter of minutes!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! But here’s the funny part!!!!! As I was throwing up in the parking lot around the corner, my vomit was coming out really slowly like it was play-dough being pushed through one of those toy grinders!!!!!!! It was the dough of the pizza that made it come out like play-dough!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Actually, that didn’t happen to me!!!! But it did happen to some guy who told me the story!!!!! I couldn’t stop laughing as he shared and I would love nothing more than to be able to make that story my very own!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha!!!!!
OK, so the other day as I was in Newport and as I was getting ready to hop on the 55 Freeway and drive home, I saw Laventina's Big Cheese Pizza on my left!!! I think it was a Tuesday night and there was practically nobody there!!!! Every other time I had been to Laventina's it was full of pro Newport boozers lined up outside the door eager to destroy a freshly baked pie, while there would be fresh puddles of vomit lined all along the sidewalk from that evening of imbibing!!!! But Tuesday nights I guess are quiet on the Peninsula as there was no vomit or drunks, at least that I saw, outside of Laventina's!!!!!! So, for old times sake I turned into the parking lot right by Laventina's and decided I was going to go to town on the Laventina's menu like I had never before!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
When I walked in, it was just like I remembered it!!!!! No tables!!!! You have to get your pizza to go or get it for delivery!!!!!! In looking over their menu, I went for a medium with 1/2 cheese and 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno, another medium with 1/2 pepperoni and jalapeno and 1/2 chicken and garlic, and a meatball sandwich!!!! I could've just gotten a whole pizza with pepperoni and jalapeno!!!!!! I don't know what I was thinking!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh, and I didn't share any of my food!!!!! I wasn't going to take this food home to share with anybody!!!!! It was all for me baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When my food was ready, I collected my boxes and bag of Italian grub and decided I was going to eat it like the Newport drunks eat it at 2am on a Thursday night!!!! I was going to loiter outside on the sidewalk and just eat my pizza and sandwhich with no utensils, plates, etc. as though I was hammered and couldn't wait to stuff my face with that salty Italian goodness!!!!!!!
Look, I love Laventina's!!!! I will say that the food here is not the greatest in the world. It's not bad though!!!! It's cool because the food is so inexpensive here, which is a rarity for the Peninsula!!! The dough, toppings, sauce and cheese on the pizza are fine!!! Nothing special but not bad!! Also, the meatball sandwich is a typical meatball sandwich. Nothing to write home about but not bad!!!!! The real joy of this place is going really late at night after too many cocktails!!!! It's a Newport Beach drunkards tradition!!!!!  I don't get down to Newport that often anymore!!! Actually hardly ever!!!! The parking situation is a pain in the ass and there are too many burnt out alcoholics hanging around for my taste!!!!! But I was glad I stopped by Laventina's the other day!!!! It brought back so many wonderful memories of childhood and college!!!!! If you're ever on the Peninsula, try Laventina's!!!! Do it!!!! Especially when drunk!!!! You won't regret it!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Pink's Hot Dogs: Everybody Should Go At Least Once!!!!

I'm obsessed with Hot Dogs!!!!! I don't know how else to say it or what to do with myself!!!! I am absolutely obsessed and consumed with sampling the finest tubed meat sticks that exist in this world!!! I mean, I'm more obsessed with eating a boat load of fine tasting hot dogs these days than Amnon was obsessed with lying with his half sister Tamar!!!!! The only difference is that I don't feel any regret or experience any personality change after I envelop those dogs through my lips and push them down into my famished, undernourished abdominal pouch!!!!!!!!! And hopefully Absalom won't come looking to kill me either!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
So I was up in LA the other day, driving up La Brea, when I passed Pinks and saw that there was hardly a line at all!!!!! What?!?!?!?!?!?! The last time I was here I literally had to wait in line for 45 minutes with a bunch of Kansas tourists and movie studio techie nerds to make it to the counter to place my order!!!!! That was years ago and I told myself I would never ever do that again!!!!!! But with the line so short and my obsession with hot dogs at an all time high, it occurred to me that I could experience Pink's Hot Dogs for what it was really worth and not have to deal with the dog and pony show that usually accompanies this place!!!!! With that, I made a left turn into the parking lot of Pink's and decided that some hot dog carnage would be taking place in the very near future!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
I don't need to tell you that Pink's is a total tourist trap!!!!! It's right across the street from Paramount Studios and lined on almost every square inch of the wall in their dining room is a signed photo of a Hollywood celebrity!!!! It's pretty cool actually!!!!! They have many unique hot dog concoctions and this place is seriously on TV like every single day!!!! From Bank of America commercials to Eye on LA to Travel Channel and Food Network, I've seen more specials on Pinks Hot Dogs than I have Dateline episodes of Chris Hansen interviewing internet child predators!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! With that, you owe it to yourself at least once to try this place out just to say you ate there!!!!!!!
With a short line and wait time, it was on between me and Pink's!!!!! I hadn't eaten anything all day and I was completely and utterly starving and could not wait to clog these dogs down my throat and satisfy the hunger that had been brewing within me all day long!!!! When I got to the counter I ordered a Guadalajara Dog which comes with relish, onions, tomatoes, and sour cream, a Lord of the Rings Dog which comes with barbeque sauce and onion rings, and an Emeril Dog which had cole slaw, mustard, onions, jalapenos, bacon, and American cheese!!!!! I also had an order of fries!!!!!!! When the food was ready and I took my tray to my table, I looked down at my plate of hot dogs and starchy goodness, and the only thing that came to mind to say was to repeat the immortal words of New York Jets linebacker, Bart Scott: "Can't Wait!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I started off with the Guadalajara Dog!!! This was a good dog!!!! The combination of toppings were pleasing to the palette!!! I had never had sour cream on a hot dog before and it proved to be part a magical formula in the realm of hot dog toppings!!! It was very unique and I was beginning to think, "Hey, maybe it is worth it to wait 45 minutes for this food!!!" Next up was the Lord of the Rings Dog!!! Again, a very unique combination of toppings: barbeque sauce and onion rings!!! Never had it before!!!!! But it was good!!!!!!! The onion rings were tasty and the bbq sauce tangy!!! Combined with the dog, it was a masterful culinary creation!!!!!! Lastly was the Emeril Dog with the cole slaw, bacon, jalapenos, mustard, onions, and American cheese!!!!! When I lifted this dog up to my face, I could barely fit my mouth around it!!!! I got cole slaw smeered all over my nose and cheeks!!!!! It was beautiful!!!!!!!! Again, wonderful creativity and flavor combinations that made this dog work!!!!!!! I liked the creativity and out of the box thinking of Pink's when it comes to their menu items!!!!! Also, I thought the fries were some of the best I've ever had!!!!!! The were so g-damn good!!!!! Or was it the ketchup?!?!?!?!?! The ketchup has a kind of tanginess to it that made me want to scoop that pasty sugary tomato slop into my hands and just eat it like it was Ethiopian food!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
The only draw back for me with Pink's is that these dogs are Hoffy hot dogs. When I was a young boy you could buy Hoffy hot dogs at the super market. Without getting into details, I didn't have the most pleasant childhood and as I ate these Hoffy dogs, it reminded me of childhood memories that weren't so great which kind of put a damper on everything. I wasn't abused or anything, it just wasn't a great childhood. I then started thinking about family that I've grown distant from who are now getting older and thought "maybe I should try to reconnect with them in some way"... OK, nobody wants to hear this...
Overall, I liked Pink's! The dogs tasted good and they did well in satisfying my hunger!!!! I would also say there are places that are better for hot dogs. However, if you are in LA, it's a fun place to eat and visit and like I said, everybody should come here at least once to say they did it!!!! Are they worth waiting in line 45 minutes for?!?!?!?! I don't know about that... But come on a weekday like Tuesday or Wednesday at like 4pm and the line shouldn't be too bad!!!!!!! When you come, eat hard and don't hold back!!!!!! Do it with no regrets!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Pedro's Taco's: The Gateway to Mexico!!!!!

I love going down to San Clemente!!!!! It's one of the few places I can go in Orange County and feel like I'm truly getting away!!!!! There's something about the architecture, the feel, and the people of the city that just makes it feel different from all other places in Orange County!!!! It's almost as if San Clemente doesn't belong in Orange County but rather should be incorporated into northern San Diego County!!!!! To me, San Clemente is the gateway into Latin America, save the Carribean and Spain!!!!!!! Every time I step foot onto El Camino Real or Avendia Del Mar, I feel like I'm taking my initial steps into Mexico, Central America and South America!!!!!!! And I love Latin America!!!!!! The food, the people, the culture, the women!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! My dream in life is to walk the land through Mexico, Panama, Paraguay, and Argentina  speaking Spanish to the locals and meeting a beautiful Latina woman, get married to her, sip whatever the national cocktail is on a beach, eating good food while watching the sunset every single night of the week!!!! My wife wouldn't be too happy with that, but I don't think she reads this blog!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! One can dream, right?!?!?!?!?!?! Right?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
So whenever I can, I like to escape down to San Clemente for a few hours!!!!! I love all the hole in the wall restaurants, dive bars, preservation of the city, the guys in their mid 40's who are burnt out on life, overweight, overly tan, sitting around smoking cigarettes and sipping beers all day while telling fishing stories, as well as the the homeless mentally ill dudes who ride their bikes along that trail by the pier who are always very suspicious looking, like they're sexual predators or something!!!!!!!!! Well, that last one isn't so appealing!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
OK, so on a recent half day getaway I took down to San Clemente, I decided to eat at Pedro's Taco's!!!!! I had been to Pedro's before, but it had been quite a long time ago!!!!! I know that after the surfer brah's finish a day of shredding the gnar and spreading the stoke down at Trestles, the tradition is to go to Pedro's Tacos and munch on some killer grindage!!!!!! The only problem with Pedro's is that there are a lot of Barney's, Assmunchers, and Co-Kooks hanging around that kind of ruin the surfer brah vibe!!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm just kidding!!!! I just wanted to use some of the surfer lingo that I learned while in college!!!!!!!!!!
Pedro's is legendary for their fish tacos!!!! Also, I remember they had a potato burrito that was pretty damn good too!!!! Earlier that day I was across the street at Pizza Port, slamming beers and feeling nice and uhhhh, warm, if you know what I mean!!!!!! With a beautiful feeling buzz from that powerful and wonderful tasting craft beer, I stumbled out the door and walked across and down the street to Pedro's Tacos to satisfy my alcohol induced hunger!!!!!!! My stomach was empty and was growling and screaming like the Zodiac Killer on the morning he called in to that talk show to speak with Melvin Belli!!!!!!!! The growling and hissing coming from my stomach was so loud that it probably could've made a g-damn cat hiss and/or run for it's life!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
When I got to Pedro's I noticed that there are no tables to eat at!!!!! You pretty much have to order your food to go, which is fine!!!!! It's perfect for walking down to the beach and eating there!!!!!!!! As I looked over the menu I ordered a carne asada burrito, and three fish tacos!!!!!! I wanted to save a little room for the pizza I was going to have later that night!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I didn't want to walk all the way down to the beach, so after waiting a few minutes for my food, when they called my number, I took my grinds back to my car and decided to eat it there!!!!!!!!! First up was the carne asada burrito!!!!!!! The meat was flavorful and combined with the onions, guacamole, and salsa, this made for a fantastic carne asada burrito!!!! Also, it was really juicy!!!!! When I bit into it, the grease from the carne asada sprayed everywhere like a shaken up can of root beer!!!!!!!!! It was awesome Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Next, I went for the fish tacos!!!!!!! I was really impressed by how large the tacos were!!!!!!! At first when I looked into the bag of food I couldn't tell which were the tacos and which were the burritos!!!! They all looked to be the same size!!!!!!!! When I unrolled the fish tacos they had on them cabbage, salsa, and that white fish taco sauce!!!!! These were damn good fish tacos!!!! Like, damn good!!!!!! The fried fish batter combined with that white sauce made me want to dance La Cucaracha at Papa's and Beer to the wee hours!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! After sitting in the ocean for a couple of hours, or after doing bong hits, I could totally see how surfers would crave fish tacos from Pedros!!!!! Being around those fish in the ocean would make you want to eat them, right?!?!?!?!?!?! These fish tacos are up there in terms of the greatest of all time in my book!!!!! Not sure if they're number 1, but they might be!!!!!!! Eating this food took me to the streets of Rosarito Beach and reminded me that I was in fact in the gateway to Latin America!!!!! Pedros is beautiful, satisfying food, and when you go down to San Clemente, you just have to eat there!!!!!!! You have to!!!!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!!!!! I love Pedro's and look forward to many many more meals in the not so distant future!!!!!!!!! Oh, and don't be a Co-Kook!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Antonucci's: Consider This a Gift on the Day of my Daughters Wedding!!!

I think the guy who works as the horse racing handicapper for the Los Angeles Times is a guy by the name of Jerry Antonucci!!!!! One day, back in the hay, I went to a handicapping seminar by the paddock at Santa Anita race track in Arcadia, and who was there offering up his handicapping advice as well as winners and exotics for that days card?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Jerry Antonucci!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Though I have absolutely no evidence to prove this, Jerry Antonucci was a guy who looked like he might have been missing fingers, if you know what I mean!!!!!!!!! Thick goggle specks, gold chain dangling against his long grey chest hair, the top two buttons of his shirt undone, tan Italian skin, an 18 inch stogie between his teeth, and streaks of grey streaming through his well groomed dark slicked back hair!!!!!!!! When he spoke into the mic at the small crowd that had gathered around him that weekend morning to learn from the master, I was expecting a salty Brando voice to blast through the speakers into our ears.... But that wasn't the case... He spoke like a normal guy!!!!! Jerry Antonucci was actually very gentlemanly in nature, showed well refined humor to his audience, and dispelled any stereotypes that might exist about a guy who's a professional horse racing handicapper with the last name of Antonucci!!!!!!!!!!
Every time I hear a very ethnic Italian last name like, Antonucci, the first thing that pops into my mind is homemade marinara sauce, meatballs, and strong red wine!!!!! Remember that scene in the Godfather when Luca Brasi teaches Michael Corleone how to make spaghetti and meatballs while drunk on too much red wine?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Love that scene!!!!!!!! Whenever I think of Italian culture, or the nation of Italy for that matter, I immediately think of an abundance of good hearty Italian food and powerful red wine!!!!!! Eating and drinking is such a huge part of who the Italians are and I love that about them!!!!!!! I hope I don't have an unfair stereotype of Italians!!!! If this is offensive to some who are of Italian heritage, I apologize!!! But hey, at least I don't think of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi or Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino when I think of Italy, right?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!
OK, so in all seriousness, one of the main reasons as to why I ate at Antonucci's Italian Restaurant in Mission Viejo was mainly due to the name!!!!!!! Not even joking!!!!!! I mean, just the name Antonucci's made me hungry and got me craving Italian food every single time I saw the name or heard it!!!!! Try it!!!!! Say "Antonucci" a few times and tell me you don't immediately start craving good Italian food and a jug of red wine to stuff down your pie hole to no end!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
So, I went to Antonucci's one evening and decided to order a pizza with pepperoni, garlic, and mushrooms as well as a meatball sandwich.... Oh yeah, and a s-load of red wine!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! My first impression of the food at Antonucci's was that it looked and smelled wonderful!!!!! That spicy garlic steaming up from the hot melted mozzarella cheese and spicy marinara sauce sitting on a warm baked crust made me want to marry Victoria Ghotti at that exact moment to become a  made guy with the Columbo's!!!!! No doubt the Columbo's have done and still do some very bad things, but man I'll bet those guys eat so so well every single night of the week!!!!!!!! I wouldn't give a damn about the street cred or the income I would get being a mobster, but to me the real benefit of being a made guy is the food and wine you would get to partake in each day!!!!! Make no mistake about that!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
OK, so the food at Antonucci's looked and smelled good, but when I bit into the pizza, it was by no means a top-20 pizza for me. The sauce was good, the cheese and toppings were fresh, but the crust just didn't work for me. The crust struck me as something that was mindfully prepared, but it was overly chewy and somewhat hard. Again, the crust wasn't cheaply done and it wasn't totally dried up like some places, but it was harder to chew than I would've liked. Not a bad pizza, but certainly not the best I've ever had. After the pizza I went for the meatball sandwich. The sandwich wasn't bad, but there wasn't anything real memorable about it. It was just kind of a generic meatball sandwich in which there was nothing special. Also, the meatballs were a bit dry. It wasn't horrible, there just wasn't much to it in my opinion. Anytime I come down a little negative on a place I want it to be clear that you should still go to the place and try it yourself!!! So, got to Antonucci's!!! In fact I would like to try some of their pasta dishes and I likely will return to do that!!!!! Also, they have a nice lounge area to have a cocktail and watch a game!!!! It's a neat little neighborhood Italian place!!!!! Try it out!!!! Not the worst I've ever had but not the best either. It was OK. I'm glad I tried Antonucci's and the food did satisfy my hunger and Italian food cravings!!!!!!!! Give this place a shot and decide for yourself!!!! Do it!!!!!!!!!!

Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs: Like a Dream!!!!!!

I love hot dogs!!!! I love them!!!!! I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them I love them!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I don't know if it's because I've been watching a lot of Tony Bourdain lately or because there's been a dialogue here in So. Cal regarding the best hot dogs in the area!!!! But not since my childhood have I ever been so taken with my pursuit of that encased pork product placed between a cleft piece of bread with various toppings piled on!!!!!! Not long ago, I discovered Berkeley Dog here in OC and have noticed that there are a few more of them popping up!!!!! Berkeley Dog is good and I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everybody... EVERYBODY!!!!!! However, recently I discovered  the finest, most succulent, most wonderful tasting tubed pork that I have ever placed inside of my mouth!!!!!!!!! What am I talking about?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm talking about Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs in Santa Ana!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I saw on Twitter recently that on Monday's, you can get hot dogs and sausages from Jerry's Dogs for like $2 off their regular price!!!!!!!!!!! Sparked by curiosity and word of mouth, I moseyed on over to Jerry's and decided I was going to give this place a shot!!!! And being that I was getting $2 off each dog, I wasn't going to feel bad if these dogs turned out to be a bust!!!!! 

There are apparently a handful of Jerry's Dogs in Orange County, but I visited the location off of 17th street near the 55 freeway in Santa Ana!!! As I walked through the doors, the sight which I witnessed was majestic!!!! There was a large menu with many different types of hot dogs, sausages, and burgers on it, not to mention a plethora of toppings you could add to your food that seemed unending!!!!!! Also, the grill where they prepared all of their food, as well as all of their condiments were in plain view for all to see!!!!! Anything you might want to put on your hot dog, Jerry's has it!!!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! Furthermore, upon entering Jerry's, the smell of hot dogs and sausages being prepared by way of wood fire was absolutely heavenly!!!!!!! It was as though the Jewish high priest had lit an incense stick as a fragrance offering to the Lord Almighty during the Passover Festival!!!!!!!!! It smelled so good that I began to believe that a larger percentage of my brain came to life and began to function as I had never ever ever experienced the wood fired pork scent that Jerry's was spewing from it's kitchen!!!!!!!!! I began to experience an existence that I never knew was possible!!!!!!!! It was like that movie with Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro where the guy takes the pill and has full function of his brain!!!!!!! But this wasn't a g-damn sci-fi movie!!!!!!! This was real life!!!!!! What I smelled while standing in the presence of Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs was substantive and actual, existentially speaking!!!!! It wasn't a dream, or a fantasy, or a fictitious story that was being written.... It was real!!!!!!! It was as real as you're sitting here reading this review!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

The decision that I came to upon looking over the menu was to order a Jerry's Signature Dog which comes plain but you can add whatever toppings you'd like, a Carolina Dog which came with chili and cole slaw, a Chicago Dog, a Cleveland Dog with kraut and stadium mustard, a Mushroon Swiss Dog, and an order of fries!!!!!!!!! 

With the Jerry’s Signature Dog, once it’s ready you can tell the nice woman in the kitchen all the toppings you would like on your dog!!!!! I asked her, “uh, is there a limit as to how many toppings I can put on my dog?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” Her response: “Nope!” Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! On my Jerry’s Signature Dog I had ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, jalapenos, and tomatoes!!!!!!!!! When I sunk my teeth into this dog, chewed, and swallowed, I just sat back on my couch and stared at the ceiling with a smirk on my face as though the girl of my dreams had just asked me out on a date and I was envisioning what a lifetime together might look like!!!!!!!!!!!!! This dog tasted so good and, emotionally speaking, it made me come to life!!!!!!!!! To hell with Lexapro!!!!! To hell with therapy!!!!!! Forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations to push you out of your comfort zone, be damned!!!!!! Jerry's Wood Fired Dogs is the only medicine one needs to experience the life that is truly worth living!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The bun on these dogs were perfectly cooked!!!!!! Not too hard, but moist enough so it did not get in the way of the smoked wood fired flavor of the dog!!!!!! Perfection!!!!!!!!! The Carolina Dog and Chicago dog were good too!!!!!! Although, the pickle on the Chicago Dog was a bit too much, yet it was still a quality Chicago Dog, one that I would order again!!!!!!!!!!! And... the Cleveland Dog was something that was incredibly special!!!!! I've never been to Cleveland but I am aware that Cleveland is a phenomenol sports town!!!! As I bit into my Cleveland Dog it took me away to the bleachers of Jacobs Field watching a Cleveland Indians baseball game!!!!!! In my mind as I sat at Jacob's Field, with my Cleveland Dog hanging out of my mouth, I vividly remember shouting "too high!!!!!" when the opposing team hit a ball that looked like it was going to be a home run!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! C'mon, does anybody get that reference?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But the real star of the day, the real hero, the one who stole the g-damn show, and as far as I’m concerned has no obligation to ever.... and I mean, EVER share the stage or headline with any meal/show for the remainder of history, would be the Mushroom and Swiss Dog. The combination of that moist bun, wood fire flavored dog, mushrooms, swiss-cheese and chipotle mayo emoted in me the intense desire to clog my belly full of those Mushroom and Swiss dogs like a toilet gets clogged after eating $40 worth of White Castle sliders from the frozen food section of the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish we had a real White Castle in So. Cal. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! In my humble opinion, Jerry’s Wood Fired Dogs are the best dogs I’ve ever had!!!!!! They're all I've been thinking about ever since I ate there!!!!! I'm obsessed like a high school boy is obsessed with his first girlfriend!!!!! This place is better than Berkeley Dog, better than Top Dog, better than Fab’s, better than Pink’s!!!!!!! No disrespect to those places as they are purveyors of wonderful tasting hot dogs!!!!!!! But Jerry’s Wood Fired Dog’s has the best dogs in all of So. Cal!!!!!!!! Hell, I’d put up them up against anyplace in Chicago or New York!!!!!!! As Fred Durst sang when he accompanied Staind in the song ‘Outside’ , “This is the real Mutha F*ckin’ deal ya’ll!!!!!!!!!” Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Hands down, Jerry’s Wood Fired Dogs is home to the best hot dogs ever... EVER!!!!!! Do this place and don’t cheat yourself!!!!! If you go on a Monday it’s $2 off most hot dogs and you can pound to no end!!!!!!!!! Do it!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!