Friday, October 21, 2011

Tomato Pie Pizza Joint: Impress the Chicks!!!!

When I was driving through Silver Lake, looking for Tomato Pie Pizza Joint, I kept thinking of that line from Swingers when Ron Livingstone asks John Favreau where the bar is they are going to. Favreau responds by saying, "For some reason the cool bars in Hollywood have to be hard to find and have no sign. It's kind of like a speakeasy kind of thing. It's kinda cool. It's like you're in on some kind of secret, you know?  You tell a chick you been someplace, it's like braggin' that you know how to find it."
And that is exacly what Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is like!!!! I seriously drove by this place like 5 times!!! There's hardly any signage and it's as though if you've been to Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake, then you're in on some kind of a secret!!!! G-dammit I was getting pissed though! I had the address written down right in front of me, I was staring right at the damn building, but I had no idea it was Tomato Pie Pizza Joint I was staring at!!! But whatev!! I ended up finding it, so all is good!!I guess I'm now in on the secret!!!!! Chick's will dig that I now know this place, right?!?!?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
In many pizza publications I have read, and on shows presented by either Food Network or Travel Channel, Tomato Pie Pizza Joint in Silver Lake is commonly regarded as one of the finest pizza's in the entire country!!!! Hell, maybe in the entire world!!!! It’s always on everybody's top 10 list!!! Being that I live within driving distance to Silver Lake, I owed it to myself.... no no no no no... I owed it to society, to sample this pizza and see if I truly did live within the presence of  pure greatness!!!
When I finally found the front door, the only thing I had in my mind to order was a pizza called the Tomato Pie which is simply, dough, sauce, and parmesean cheese!!! That's it!! Apparently the Tomato Pie is what has put this place on the map and has caused many a pizza conniseur to place TPPJ in their top 10 of all time!!! I have either or heard or read comment after comment about the championship caliber of the Tomato Pie pizza!!!! In walking up to the counter, they had all of their specialty pizzas on display in the front for those who would want to order only a slice and all of them looked utterly delicious!!!! I stood there at the front staring at the menu and pizzas for a good twenty minutes trying to figure out what I wanted!!! Oh God, the pressure!!! But the guy behind the counter, who was extremely friendly, told me to take my time in deciding!!!! There's no rush, he said!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! As I glared at the menu and at the pizzas behind the glass, I swear to God I felt like George W. Bush in 2002 when he was weighing the decision to go to war with Iraq!!!!!! This decision about what pizza to order was going to be absolutely massive for me and had the potential to change the course of my entire existence as well as my legacy as a human being!!!!! The type of anticipation I felt in wanting to eat this pizza was like a Mormon anticipating the moment he would lie with his wife for the very first time!!!! But like G.W., I was torn!! I may regret some of the decisions I made that day at Tomato Pie Pizza Joint with my ordering, but I don't have time to live with  regrets!!!!!! I stand by my decision wholeheartedly!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
I ended up ordering a medium Tomato Pie as well as a medium Mr. White, which was cheese, garlic, oil, ricotta, and a hell of a lot of grease!!!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!! I also added  an order of garlic knotts!!!!
I initially ordered all of my food to go, but the smell of pizza exuding  from the oven in the other room was emitting such a glorious scent, that I decided I needed to eat this pizza right then and there!!! The hunger pangs just grew too much for   me to resist and the second they called my number I snatched my pies from the hands of the LA hipster who had just pulled them out of the oven, took a seat in a booth, and began shoveling slices of pizza into my face like a Cal Trans worker  shovels gravel onto a newly resurfaced highway!!!! First off, I've gotta say that sauce/crust combination with the parmesean of the Tomato Pie was immensely pleasing to my palette!!! Great crispy crust and marvelous sauce!!!!! But I didn't want to eat it all then and there, I wanted to save some of this pizza for later, for a private moment alone in my room!!! You know, just me and the pizza!!!! Can you understand that?!?!?!?!? Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! So, I hopped into my car, jumped onto the 405 and began hurrying home as quickly as I possibly could!!! But that damned LA traffic always ruins your life each and every time you encounter it!!! I mean, it doesn't matter what day of the week it is or what time of day it is, there is always bumper to bumper to traffic in some part of LA at any given moment!!!! Free your people, Gov. Brown!!!! Liberate your citizens Mayor Villaragosa!!!! Attention Great Britian!!!! Invade the United States immediately and force our leaders to build us some sort of mass public transportation system so we can all move about freely!!!!! We are an oppressed people in Southern California!!!! Please help us!!!! Somebody do something about this traffic!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! As I sat in gridlock for what felt like hours on end: clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break... eventually the smell of my Tomato Pie  and Mr. White simply became irrisistable!!!!  I so badly wanted that private moment with Tomato Pie in the comfort of my own home, but in a moment of extreme weakness, I lost all self-control and began picking up slice after slice of my Tomato Pie Pizza Joint pizza, practically crumpling it up like a piece of used notebook paper, and stuffing it into my anger filled mouth while sitting in horrendous LA traffic!!! Clutch, gas, break, bite, clutch, gas, break, bite, napkin wipe,  bite, bite, bite, bite, napkin wipe, clutch, gas, break, clutch, gas, break.... Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! I found  that the flavors of the Tomato Pie and the Mr. White complimented each other so so nicely!!! I went back and forth back and forth!!!!! One slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White, one slice of Tomato Pie, one slice of Mr. White!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! I was a little dissapointed in myself for lacking in self-control and not being able to wait until I got home to eat my pizza, but I gotta say, after I finished eating in traffic, suddenly, life wasn't all that bad!!!! There was a certain healing and contentment this pizza  brought about!!! I just felt real... chill, you know?  Thank you Tomato Pie!!!!
Look, I like to write positive things and give hyperbolic statements regarding the many fine eateries I've visited. I'll say this; Tomato Pie Pizza Joint is fantastic pizza!!!! When in the Hollywood/Silver Lake area, do this place! But is this place among the top 10 pizzas in all of the US?!?! Honestly, I'd have to say, no... But it's good and I give Tomato Pie Pizza joint my full endorsement!!!! (Whatever the hell that's worth!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!) Silver Lake possesses a beautiful thing in Tomato Pie Pizza Joint!!!! If you eat here, your life will be better for it!!! And and and... You'll impress the chicks!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! Do this place, and do it hard!!!!!!!! You're so money and you don't even know it!!!!

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