Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Grill Em All: Obey Your Master!!!!!!

So I guess I'm a Johnny Come Lately when it comes to the whole food truck scene!!!! Every time I think of a food truck, my mind immediately goes to a bunch of gardeners laying on a freshly cut lawn of green grass they have just finished working on while a roach coach is pulled up along side of them pushing cheaply prepared sandwiches and God knows what else for their lunch breaks!! Hey, God bless those who keep our parks and lawns tidy and neat!!! They deserve a break after working hard all day out in the hot sun!!!!! However, I've never been compelled to spend my money or waste a meal on food that comes from a food truck!!! Call me a snob or whatever, but it just doesn't sound too appetizing to me!!!! But with the rise of the food truck scene and with myriad food trucks lavishing their fusion gourmet cuisine onto the Southern California eating scene, I decided it was time I get with the times and try some of them out!!!!!! Hey, the Church over time has gotten with it by now ordaining women, looking the other way at pre-marital sex, and now marrying homosexual couples!!!!! If the church can get with it when it comes to certain social issues, well then, I can get with it when it comes to expanding my horizons when it comes to eating at a g-damn food truck for lunch!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Look, I'm aware those above statements about the Church will be deemed offensive to some, so just pull the wadded cotton panties out from your crack and know that I'm just trying to have fun!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Anyway, one of the contributing factors that led me to the realization that food trucks are actually puting out some pretty dignified cuisine has to do with the Food Network show called The Great Food Truck Race!!! To be honest, I think reality TV is obnoxious and substandard programming at best and I've always thought Americans' love of reality TV was a sad commentary on our intellectual and moral reputation to the rest of the civilized and uncivilized world!!!! Reality TV is idiotic in my opinion!!! However, being that a lot of the food truck contestants on The Great Food Truck Race were from Orange County and being that the food they were serving would look nothing short of salivating, into the The Great Food Truck Race did I get sucked, much like Paris Hilton's boyfriend did in that bootlegged home video of the two of them after a long night of boozing at the Hollywood clubs!!!! Did I just cross the line there?!?!?!?!?!?! Yeah, maybe I did!!! I apologize to my under 18 demographic!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! OK OK, I'll clean it up!!!!
OK! So, I didn't watch season 1 of the The Great Food Truck Race, but I had heard that the Grill Em All Truck was the victor of this inaugural food truck competition and that they in fact set up shop in multiple locations all around the Southern California area!!!! After following them on Twitter for a little while, I waited until they were going to be somewhat close to me and then, BAM!!!! The Grill Em All Truck and my empty stomach and hearty appetite were going to clash much like Megadeth, Slayer, and Suicidal Tendencies clashed while on that one tour in the fall of 1990!!!!!!!!! Just to give you a little bit of context leading up to my visit to Grill Em All, I had been drinking heavily the night before!!! Like really heavily!!!!! I like to drink beer and imbibe in a few glasses of wine a couple of times a week, but that's about the extent of it!!!! But on this particular night, I think I had more to drink then I ever had in my entire life!!!!!!! Not on the night I turned 21, not during my bachelor party, nor the time I went on a bender in Vegas with some friends from college, had I ever had more to drink than on the night before I ate at Grill Em All!!!! No no no no no no!!!! This night conquered all of them!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! The drink of choice for us all was something called an Oatmeal Cookie!!! OK, I don't particularly care for hard liquor or cocktails and I'm not even that familiar with the many different cocktails that exist, but Oatmeal Cookies.... Shesus!!!!!!! I mean with each shot I took it was like the Pepperidge Farm baker was there giving us sample after sample after sample after sample after sample after sample of that warm gooey baked sugary cookie batter benevolence!!!!! The only problem was was that there was an s-load of alcohol in each shot!!!! Holy God!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Needless to say, when I woke up on my living room floor the next morning with my face down on the hardwood tile, I had a splitting headache, was completely disoriented, and was still a little inebriated from the alcohol leftover in my system from the night before!!!!!!! When I pushed myself up off the floor, and after emptying half of the five gallon Arrowhead water container in the kitchen and gulping down a pot and a half of coffee, I slowly started coming to my senses and began tofeel the booze wearing off!!!!! Whoooooooaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Being that my post drinking hunger was occuring that morning, as opposed to the night before, and after pushing myself up off the floor, I somehow remembered Grill Em All wasn't gonna be that far away from me that afternoon!! So, I grabbed my wallet and off I went to see Grill Em All at a local park!!!!!
When I got there, they weren't quite open yet, but a substantial line had been forming with eaters waiting expectantly for the Grill Em All burgers made famous through not only their taste, but through their victory on The Great Food Truck Race!!!! Being that they weren't open, I had some time to look over the menu, strategize if you will, and figure out how I was going to best use up every last square inch of real estate in my devoid, alochol diluted stomach!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
One of the things I noticed is that food trucks, most all the gourmet food trucks that is, are kind of pricy!!!!! I mean, make a trip to the damn Wells Fargo ATM or take out a small loan before you visit one of these mobile food vendors because it's expensive!!!! But after looking at the menu, it was as if I was just walking back from the bars and anything greasy, salty, cheesy, or fatty sounded absolutely delicious and divine!!!!!!! I mean, grilled gourmet burgers?!?!?!?!?! I couldn't have picked a better time to visit the Grill Em All truck!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Eventually, I decided on the Witte (wit-e) which had cream cheese, deep fried bacon, beer sauteed onion, and a vinegar aioli!!!! This burger... was awesome!!!! There is something about cream cheese on burgers that is absolutely genious and simply put, works!!! I mean, it works like taking your kids cell phone away from them works when they talk back to you so as to teach them a lesson to never speak to their parents in a disrespectful way again!!!!! This was a beautiful hangover recovery burger!!!!! But, being that I was still walking back from the bars so to speak, I wasn't done!!!!!!! Next, I went for the Behemoth!!!!! This was I believe the largest and most expensive burger on their menu!!!!! The Behemoth consisted of grilled cheese sandwhiches that served as buns, cheddar cheese, bacon, beer soaked onions, pickles and bbq sauce!!!!!! When I first saw the Behemoth my first thought was, "this is so unnecessary and so over the top... But it's so ingenious!!!!!!!!!!!!" On both the Witte and Behemoth, the beef, bacon and beer soaked onions were absolutely extraordinary!!!!!! I mean, as I sat on my park bench eating my burgers, I kept saying to myself, "I can't tell if this is truth or dream!!! Am I actually experiencing this or is this a fantasy? Because if it's a dream, I never want to go back to reality!!!! Hold my breath as I wish for death!!! Please God wake me!!!!" Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I mean, I could've just died in that moment and woken up at the gates of Heaven knowing full well that when I had exited light after sampling some of the finest fatty hangover prevention food in all of Los Angeles, I had lived life to the fullest with these burgers sitting in my gut!!!!!!  These are absolutely brilliant burgers and it is not a surprise at all that they were the winners and champions of The Great Food Truck Race!!!!!! My advice to you, follow these guys on Twitter and whenever they are even remotely in your area, get your ass over to their master mobile eatery and take it to the face!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Grill Em All rocks, and even though I'm not a heavy metal guy, these burgers are worth whatever price you pay or drive you make!!!!! Do this place and eat hard!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Grill 'Em All (food truck) on Urbanspoon

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