Orange County Pizza: Yeah yeah yeah!!!!

This past February, I decimated 17 slices of Orange County Pizza at a Super Bowl party!! This pizza is extremely cheesy and greasy which makes for a divine culinary experience!! Hey, you've gotta live a little bit right?!?! Right?!?!?! Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!!! And what better way to live then by consuming so much Orange County Pizza that you are literally unable to move?!?!?! And then you lay on your couch and wait for your food to digest so you can walk again!!! I mean that's what Super Bowl parties are all about, aren't they?!?!?! How amazing of a moment it is to be at a gathering of constant snacking, drinking, and cheering!!! I mean, I want to be in a place where when I'm sitting on the couch watching the game, somebody has got to help pull me up out of my seat to go back for more slices of pizza, chips and salsa, brownies, and cold beer!!!! That's what I'm talking about, baby!!!! Orange County Pizza was a beautiful beautiful moment for me!!! Ahhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Mandy's Pizza: Don't you Dare Send them Back to Pittsburgh!!!!

I just crushed a large peppeoni, sausage, garlic, and jalapeno pizza from Mandy's!! But I was still hungry after I finished off my pie so I ordered a meatball sandwich to wash down my pizza!  Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 
This pizza is completely solid and is for sure a place worth eating!!! I had malnourished myself all week in build up and anticipation to absolutely decimate and destroy Mandy's!!! And I did it!!!! You can believe that!!!! Ahhhhhhh hahahahahahahahaha!!! Let me just say that the pain and difficulty I went through in "training" for Mandy's was well worth it!!!! I love the fact that we can get a taste of East Coast pizza here in Orange County!! Ahahahahahahahaha!!!! 
In fact, I would just say this to you!!! Go to their website and just look at the menu!!!! Do yourself.... no no no... do society a favor, go to their website and take a look at their menu!!! Just by looking at the menu you will be liberated and brought into a moment of extreme bliss!!!! Just by looking at the menu!!!! That's what I'm talking about, baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Do this place!!! Don't send them back to Pittsburgh!!! Support their ass so we can enjoy this magical place for years to come!!!! Ahhhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Flame Broiler: Never Gets Old!!!!

I eat at Flame Broiler at least 4 times a week!! I don't give a crap what people say or think!!! I don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot get enough of this stuff!!!!! I mean seriously!!!!! With every bite I take I just sink into my chair and savor every last calorie that sits on my tongue. Every single order I make here, EVERY ONE!!!!!!! I cover, I'm talking about absolutely dousing in a pool of, my half and half bowl with the Magic Hot Sauce!!!! So Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That isn't even a lie or exageration!!!!!! Don't you dare question my passion for Flame Broiler!!!!!! EVER!!!!!! I need it .... I need it,,, I need it... Just hook up an IV in my vein with that Magic Hot Sauce and I will be utterly fulfilled and never be in want for the rest of this life!!!! I know what will make me happy through the difficulties the world throws at us!!!! Flame Broiler baby!!!!! Do it now!!!!!!!! Do it I say!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Eat violently!!!!!

Cherry Cricket: The Greatest Burger We Will Ever Know.... EVER!!!!!!!!!

I have been all over the world. I have sampled all different types of burgers, from many different restaraunts. I was in Denver recently and had heard about Duffy's Cherry Cricket and decided I needed to try it. Let me just say that this is unequivocally the greatest burger in the world!!! From the cut of beef, to the finely chopped jalepenos, to the slice of cream cheese, my taste buds have never experienced anything like it!!! Hands down the greatest burger this planet we live on will ever know!!! Oh my God!!!! I wish I was in Denver right now!!! If I were, I would pound the living hell out of those burgers until I fell into a long deep wonderful meat coma!!!! If you're planning on being in Denver, do me a favor, fast for a week straight and as soon as you get off the plane drive over to the Cricket and pound like you've never pounded before!!! Take my word for it, these burgers will bring about real life change to you!!! Ahhhhhhh hahahahahahaha!!!

Zachary's Pizza: Still Thinking About It!!!

Just spent a couple of days up in the Bay Area and came across Zachary's in Berkley!! After hours of walking through San Francisco fighting the brisk east bay winds, I had a hearty appetite that needed to be satisfied! Now I'm not just talking about being a little hungry after a long day of sightseeing, but I'm talking about being violently hungry and eating with reckless abandon to fill the emptiness of my stomach!!! Let me just say that there is no feeling in the world like stuffing your face full of wonderful tasting food after starving yourself until famished and pushing your body to its physical limits to where you start shaking because you are so deficient of nutrients. And to then fill your empty stomach full of food and to savor the taste of good food is hands down the most fulfilling thing this life has to offer!!!!! Believe it!!! Crystal meth, crack cocaine, alcohol, sex, or gambling comes absolutely nowhere near, not even in the same g-dam ballpark, not even in the same g-dam conversation, to the feeling you get stuffing good food into your mouth when you are literally starving and minutes away from hospitalization!!!!!! And that is the feeling I live for!!!! And that is the most amazing and pleasurable experience one can know in this life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (deep breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... So then, on to Zachary's. I was absolutely starving and my knees were literally buckling when I walked in to Zachary's. I ordered a large stuffed pizza with pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, tomatoes, and jalapeños. God, I was passing out as I sat down and waited for my pizza!!!! I almost told the manager to call the paramedics because I wasn't sure if I was going to make it!!!!!!!! But after about 35 minutes, they called my name and my pizza was ready!!!!!!!! As I lifted the box, my stuffed pie had to have weighed a good 7 pounds!!! My arms quivered as I lifted the pizza box and proceeded to put parmesan and red peppers on the pie. Then, it came.... The moment of truth!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I picked up slice after slice after slice after slice of that pizza filled with mozzarella and doused in tomato sauce and ate violently as though I needed to nourish my body at that exact moment or I might not live to see the next hour of my life. Dear God that pizza tasted like nothing I've ever experienced in this world!!!! The spices of the tomato sauce stung my dry lips with each bite I sunk my teeth into. The juiciness of the cheese rubbed up against the inside of my mouth and slid down my throat into my empty stomach!!!! When I raised my glass of red wine and smelled the scent of alcohol mixed with red grapes, my eyes began to water as the red liquid began flowing past my tongue and down my throat. The warmness of the alcohol began to fill my belly and make my head dizzy. This pizza, mixed with red wine, was flat out amazing!!!!!! I ate every last slice of that large stuft pizza and had absolutely no regrets and felt as though I could have done another large!!!! The menu said a large could serve 4-5 but I ate it all by myself and was still hungry afterward!!!!! Do I have a problem?!?!?!?!?! Do I?!?!?!?!?!?! I like to eat a lot of food!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Zachary's makes me wish I did my undergrad at UC Berkley!!!! To all of you prospective college students out there!!! Apply to UC Berkley!!!!! Who cares if you don't like Berkeley! Who cares if they don't have your major! Who cares if you can't afford tuition!!!! UC Berkley has Zachary's Pizza and that people is reason enough!!! Take out a loan! Learn to love Berkley and change your major and career path!!! Zachary's Pizza is worth changing the course of your entire life over!!!! When you're married to some weird hippy chick, raising your children in ways you disagree with because of your drugee Berkley wife, stuck in a career you hate, you will look back at your life and say to yourself, "It was all worth it! Because when I was in college, I experienced Zachary's Pizza!!!!" The pleasure you feel in eating Zachary's pizza today is completely worth the unhapiness you will feel later in life!!! That is an absolute fact people!!! Apply to Berkeley and expereice the magic of Zachary's!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The taste of Zachary's was in my mouth the entire drive home down the 5 and I constantly had to fight turning around and going back for one more hurrah!!! Do I sound crazy and unreasonable?!?!?!?! Do I?!?!?! Well, once you experience the magic of Zachary's, it'll all make sense!!! Trust me!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Top Dog: The Truth!!!

These sausages are real life!!!! To experience true and real life as it was intended to be experienced, you need to get your ass up to Berkeley and pound the living hell out of Top Dog!!! Get everything on the menu!!! It's an absolutely manageable feat!!!! There are a lot of homeless people walking around Berkley right now, but you know what? Being homeless in Berkeley isn't that bad of a thing!!! Do you know why? Do you?!?!? Uhhhh, Top Dog, that's why!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! All you have to do is panhandle for a few hours and you can eat like a king at Top Dog every single day of your life!!! Everything on the menu is only $3 so it's totally affordable!!! Don't ask questions, just do it!!!!!! Hmmmmm, this has me thinking!!!! If things ever go south for me, I think I've got a game plan!!! Ahahahahahaha!!!! Getting married, having kids, having friends, and living for others is surely sage advice when seeking the meaning of life, but I say this... If you want to experience real life, the life that is truly life, then you need to get your butt over to Durant and savor those greasy sausage links from Top Dog!!!! The snap of that sausage link cutting through your teeth with mustard running down your hand will cause the mysteries of the universe to be unveiled! Do it!!! It will only be then when all of your questions about this world we live in and this life we live will be answered!!! After that first bite, you'll know what the hell I'm talking about!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Nick's Deli: Can't Stop Chewing

I had been hearing about the breakfast burritos at Nick's for quite some time and as I was driving through Seal Beach last week, the time seemed opportune to see for myself if these breakfast burritos deserved all the attention they have been getting. In short, the answer is, Yes!!!!!!! I honestly cannot imagine a better way to start your day than to stuff your mouth full of breakfast burritos from Nick's!!!! But you know, there was something that absolutely baffled me while I was standing in line and waiting for my food. People would come in and order 1 breakfast burrito. What the hell?!?!?! One breakfast burrito?!?!?! There is no way that after eating one breakfast burrito that that you can just simply stop!!! That is unless you've had that stomach staple surgery and you get full really quick!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I had one breakfast burrito, sucked it down in about 4 bites and said to myself, "what the hell am I doing?!?!?!?! I can't just have one of these bastards!!! I'm going to slam down breakfast burritos until my jam cramps up and I am physically unable to chew!!!!!" Ahahahahahaha!!! And that is what I did! I had six, count em', six, breakfast burritos!!!!! I walked away completely satisfied! Later in the day when I would have a little gas and burp, I was tasting that chorizo and oh man was it good! Those breakfast burritos were etched in my mind all day, and to be quite honest, they are etched in my mind right now, and will probably still be there years down the road!!!!!!!! But but but but but, I must say, I was a little pissed!! People ordering one breakfast burrito! No way dude! No g-damn way you order one of these SOB's!!!! You have to go at least, AT LEAST, 3!!!!!!! Some of Nick's customers cheat and disgrace themselves by only ordering 1 breakfast burrito!! Those things are so amazing!!! How dare anybody order just one!!!!!!!! Stuff your mouth full of these 
suckers until your jaw locks baby!!!! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Go to Nick's!!!! Your life will be utterly transformed and changed!!! That's an absolute and unquestionable fact!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Sabatino's: It's All About the Sausage!!

Get away from me Sabatino!!! Get the hell away from me right now!!! I don't even want to look at you!!!! Get out of here Sabatino!!!! Whaaaaaa hahahahahahahaha!!! Whaaaaaaa hahahahahahahahaha!!!! OK Sabatino, wait!!! Wait I said!! Come back to me!! It's just that... well... I'm upset... I'm upset that we've only met just now!! It isn't fair!! Where the hell have you been all of my life Sabatino?!?!?!?!?! It's not fair that we've only just met today!!! Whaaaaaa hahahahahahahaha!! ...Sabatino, I want us to be friends! I don't want to fight with you! Sabatino, you have the most incredible tasting sausage I have ever experienced in this world! I mean Christ Jesus Almighty your sausage is tasty!! What the hell do you do to make it taste soooooo good?!?! Uhhhh, one thing I was a little disappointed with Sabatino was the size of your portions. I had a spicy sausage sandwich and a philly cheesesteak and they were sized meagerly. I also had a Pizza Sabatino but that was just right... But I still love you Sabatino!!! It hurts me that I have to be critical of you!!! Please forgive me, Sabatino!!! Whaaaaaa hahahahahaha!!! Sabatino... I'm glad we met! I look forward to many more gatherings together in the future! I must say, I find you a little irresistible, Sabatino!! I'm glad we're friends! Let's get together again soon. Love you Sabatino! Never leave me!!