Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Zachary's Pizza: Still Thinking About It!!!

Just spent a couple of days up in the Bay Area and came across Zachary's in Berkley!! After hours of walking through San Francisco fighting the brisk east bay winds, I had a hearty appetite that needed to be satisfied! Now I'm not just talking about being a little hungry after a long day of sightseeing, but I'm talking about being violently hungry and eating with reckless abandon to fill the emptiness of my stomach!!! Let me just say that there is no feeling in the world like stuffing your face full of wonderful tasting food after starving yourself until famished and pushing your body to its physical limits to where you start shaking because you are so deficient of nutrients. And to then fill your empty stomach full of food and to savor the taste of good food is hands down the most fulfilling thing this life has to offer!!!!! Believe it!!! Crystal meth, crack cocaine, alcohol, sex, or gambling comes absolutely nowhere near, not even in the same g-dam ballpark, not even in the same g-dam conversation, to the feeling you get stuffing good food into your mouth when you are literally starving and minutes away from hospitalization!!!!!! And that is the feeling I live for!!!! And that is the most amazing and pleasurable experience one can know in this life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (deep breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... So then, on to Zachary's. I was absolutely starving and my knees were literally buckling when I walked in to Zachary's. I ordered a large stuffed pizza with pepperoni, sausage, mushrooms, tomatoes, and jalapeƱos. God, I was passing out as I sat down and waited for my pizza!!!! I almost told the manager to call the paramedics because I wasn't sure if I was going to make it!!!!!!!! But after about 35 minutes, they called my name and my pizza was ready!!!!!!!! As I lifted the box, my stuffed pie had to have weighed a good 7 pounds!!! My arms quivered as I lifted the pizza box and proceeded to put parmesan and red peppers on the pie. Then, it came.... The moment of truth!!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! I picked up slice after slice after slice after slice of that pizza filled with mozzarella and doused in tomato sauce and ate violently as though I needed to nourish my body at that exact moment or I might not live to see the next hour of my life. Dear God that pizza tasted like nothing I've ever experienced in this world!!!! The spices of the tomato sauce stung my dry lips with each bite I sunk my teeth into. The juiciness of the cheese rubbed up against the inside of my mouth and slid down my throat into my empty stomach!!!! When I raised my glass of red wine and smelled the scent of alcohol mixed with red grapes, my eyes began to water as the red liquid began flowing past my tongue and down my throat. The warmness of the alcohol began to fill my belly and make my head dizzy. This pizza, mixed with red wine, was flat out amazing!!!!!! I ate every last slice of that large stuft pizza and had absolutely no regrets and felt as though I could have done another large!!!! The menu said a large could serve 4-5 but I ate it all by myself and was still hungry afterward!!!!! Do I have a problem?!?!?!?!?! Do I?!?!?!?!?!?! I like to eat a lot of food!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Zachary's makes me wish I did my undergrad at UC Berkley!!!! To all of you prospective college students out there!!! Apply to UC Berkley!!!!! Who cares if you don't like Berkeley! Who cares if they don't have your major! Who cares if you can't afford tuition!!!! UC Berkley has Zachary's Pizza and that people is reason enough!!! Take out a loan! Learn to love Berkley and change your major and career path!!! Zachary's Pizza is worth changing the course of your entire life over!!!! When you're married to some weird hippy chick, raising your children in ways you disagree with because of your drugee Berkley wife, stuck in a career you hate, you will look back at your life and say to yourself, "It was all worth it! Because when I was in college, I experienced Zachary's Pizza!!!!" The pleasure you feel in eating Zachary's pizza today is completely worth the unhapiness you will feel later in life!!! That is an absolute fact people!!! Apply to Berkeley and expereice the magic of Zachary's!!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! The taste of Zachary's was in my mouth the entire drive home down the 5 and I constantly had to fight turning around and going back for one more hurrah!!! Do I sound crazy and unreasonable?!?!?!?! Do I?!?!?! Well, once you experience the magic of Zachary's, it'll all make sense!!! Trust me!!! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Zachary's Chicago Pizza (Berkeley) on Urbanspoon

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